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Original poster

Carers kissing children??

203 replies

Magic69 · 20/05/2013 19:29

Hi there I wanted to ask mummies how they feel about childrens key workers kissing the children.

My son's key worker met him at the annual summer fete and she picked him up lovingly and for a good 5 mintues slobbered on him, kissing him endlessly on both cheeks.

I was shocked......i didnt say anything at the time (kicking myself) but i am thinking of writing an official complaint to the nursery manager.

I felt it was inappropriate, not to mention cold sores. I personally would never kiss another child, and if i were to i couldnt slober on them incessently...surly a peck would have sufficed?

does anyone see where i am coming from?

OP posts:
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TheReturnoftheSmartArse · 28/05/2013 16:48

I was delighted that all of mine were kissed and cuddled at nursery. I wasn't able to do so as much as I wanted during the week and I'm thrilled that they were loved and cherished.

insancerre · 29/05/2013 17:40

Op, I am not normally this rude but as a nursery worker I just want to say do fuck off.
We are paid to CARE for your children. And that involves showing them affection.
As for policies about kissing children. That would only apply in the nursery. Or do you live your entire life sticking to your work's policies and procedures?
This thread has really wound me up- yes, I know it's probably all not true but still.

( Rant over, normal service resumes )

Morgause · 29/05/2013 17:52

Magic69, listen to what people are saying. It is you who is out of step here.

You would be a total cow to complain about this lovely person who obviously cares very much about your child. It may well cause her to lose faith in herself and her job.

But you won't notice because your head will be too far up your arse to see what a nasty thing it is to do.

God help your poor DCs growing up with a cold woman who thinks only close family are allowed to show affection.

peskyginge · 29/05/2013 17:54

OP you seem very fixated on sexual predators, it is more likely that any one who preys on kids will be a member of your family or extended family. While people have to be careful as parents you have to decide how tightly you wrap your DCs up, and if it worries you this much maybe you should not put DC in nursery - but at some point you will have to trust strangers with your DC.

I think the carer sounds lovely, I would speak to her directly first rather than complain but ultimately you seem very unhappy about this so maybe this nursery is not the right one for you and you should move your DC to a nursery which suits you better.

notcitrus · 29/05/2013 18:08

What everyone else said, but really not getting why you need to make a formal written complaint - if you don't want your dc kissed, just tell the manager you don't like it and they can tell all the staff. Who will then probably cuddle him extra to make up for it. It's not this carer's fault she's not psychic!

Firsttimemummy33 · 31/05/2013 17:32

I would love it, it shows a close relationship which is surely exactly what you want your child to have with someone who cares for them?

MummyOfSunbeam · 31/05/2013 17:40

I agree with everyone else.

I would be ecstatic for such a carer!!!

OP you are totally strange.

Sarah1611 · 03/06/2013 19:00

This is really sad :-( I'm a nanny and with each child I have cared for I haven't kissed and cuddled too much at the start, because you're just starting to get to know each other... but NOW! There's lots of kisses and cuddles all round! I wouldn't tend to in front of the parents out of respect but that certainly doesn't make it wrong. You haven't mentioned if she's a British carer- sometimes culture comes into it.

If I was complained to for kissing a child in my care I'd be mortified. Chances are I'd leave the job. For one thing, it's a risk that a Mother you work for thinks of you as a potential threat and a job isn't worth that. A nursery worker/CM/nanny's job is to play the Mother role in absence of the Mother. So ideally I would have thought that you want the carer to behave as much like you, with your child is possible? Do you not kiss your child? Children DO need kisses, hugs DO NOT surfice. What next- hand shaking?!

Everyone's right when they say your child will be treated differently because of it- he will. If you're that hung up on it pull him from the nursery and enroll him in a different one. It is not the carer at fault here and to accuse her of that is downright insulting.

debduck · 03/06/2013 21:54

I would ask if the nursery has a 'kissing' or 'physical contact policy'. I would want to hear from you if you were uncomfortable tbh. It's useful, as a nursery leader, to have an opportunity to discuss these issues. There are limits and if you think a line has been passed then it should be discussed. Open and honest discussions are the way to healthy childcare. Personally I would pick up and kiss little ones that I know well and know are comfortable with it.

lizabeth0607 · 05/06/2013 16:32

Imagine how she would feel being dragged into an office and hearing of this ridiculous complaint. It's pettiness like this that has stopped me from returning to my old job in a nursery. She obviously cares for your son, would you rather she didn't?

ReetPetit · 05/06/2013 16:41

did you write your letter op? Hmm

debduck · 05/06/2013 20:32

secondary attachments are incredibly important to a child's development anywho.

MummyOfSunbeam · 06/06/2013 15:30

I hope you didn't complain OP. :( and that if you do it doesn't make staff less loving to the OTHER kids, who need hugs and affection and warmth from their carers.

Xmasbaby11 · 09/06/2013 22:38

I don't understand why you don't want your child to be shown affection. DD's carers kiss and cuddle her and say they love her. It makes me happy and DD loves it. Children can't have too much affection.

paperclips · 18/06/2013 16:26

I do hope she didn't write that letter. DS is about to start nursery. He loves his cuddles and is a very friendly baby.

Nursery workers are not strangers. DS will be in nursery 3 days. He will be seeing far more of them, (all of them not just the key worker) than he sees close family like his grandparents, and of course his grandparent shower him with affection.

As for the germs thing! Really? Nursery is full of germs - don't worry the babies will be slobbering over each other and the toys.

BlackSwan · 20/06/2013 05:38

I can see both sides. But let's not dress it up as fear of germs. It's fear of sexual predators. I have no problem with my child's carer being kissed or cuddled by his carers. But if one of them gave me the creeps, if I thought they were being weird about it, I would do something, say something to stop it. Straight away. When I was at preschool there was a male (not a nursery worker) who was very publicly affectionate with all the young kids, and no one seemingly thought it strange, though you would think someone should have twigged - he was a predator and is now in jail.

Banning people from being affectionate with kids isn't the answer. It won't save the kids from anything. But if your gut tells you something is amiss with a particular individual, then you have to do something about it.

CheeryCherry · 20/06/2013 06:41

This is such a depressing thread :( Your child is well loved at nursery and you sound a bit...jealous? And you are confusing things by one minute saying she is the key worker, then the next saying she is just a carer there.
Be pleased he is being treated kindly.
Or move nurseries to one where they're kept at arms length.

minibmw2010 · 29/06/2013 17:59

Clearly your child's room worker cares for them. Would you rather they showed no affection at all and your child was unhappy? Get over it.

fuzzpig · 29/06/2013 18:25

What a depressing thread. And somehow I doubt the OP will be back to tell us how she gets on with her letter Hmm

yamsareyammy · 29/06/2013 18:36

There are 2 people on this thread who work with children.
I too know someone who works with children. And she has been told not to be too familiar, or something like that, cant remember the exact words.
Some companies do have policies about this.
Cant say I agree with it, but some do. And are strict about it.

yamsareyammy · 29/06/2013 18:39

op.
I think 5 minutes is excessive.
Very loving perhaps, but excessive.
I wouldnt complain to the office manager though.

yamsareyammy · 29/06/2013 18:40

Now realised that this thread has been rumbling on for 5 weeks. And op appears to be long gone.

ReetPetit · 29/06/2013 18:46

I very much doubt it was 5 minutes anyway yam - op's imagination appears to be a little 'overactive' to say the least Hmm

Pancakeflipper · 29/06/2013 18:47

Our nursery carers show lots affection but don't slobber.

I really appreciate them hugging and cuddling my DS's if they are sad or had a tumble. My DS2 is 4, he adores certain staff members and knows exactly who will help him, hug him, have a knee to sit on. To him it's another family with staff and other children and they are all part of his life.

SauceForTheGander · 29/06/2013 19:00

I don't think it was 5 minutes of slobbering.

My DD is kissed by her key worker every morning. DD will go and give everyone a cuddle to say hello. I feel pleased she's so happy there and so well cared for and then I bolt for the door to enjoy my quiet morning

What a shame you can't see your DS is being looked after by a caring person.

TiggyD - you sound ace.