Active discussions

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Nurseries

Find nursery advice from other Mumsnetters on our Nursery forum. For more guidance on early years development, sign up for Mumsnet Ages & Stages emails.

Original poster

Carers kissing children??

203 replies

Magic69 · 20/05/2013 19:29

Hi there I wanted to ask mummies how they feel about childrens key workers kissing the children.

My son's key worker met him at the annual summer fete and she picked him up lovingly and for a good 5 mintues slobbered on him, kissing him endlessly on both cheeks.

I was shocked......i didnt say anything at the time (kicking myself) but i am thinking of writing an official complaint to the nursery manager.

I felt it was inappropriate, not to mention cold sores. I personally would never kiss another child, and if i were to i couldnt slober on them incessently...surly a peck would have sufficed?

does anyone see where i am coming from?

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Set a reminder
chipmonkey · 20/05/2013 21:28

Oh come on! Seriously? Please, please don't write that letter! As a working mum myself, I would hate to think that the nursery staff would have to stop kissing my child because some other uptight parent had complained and then it would have to be "policy" that my child went without affection.
And if she didn't have an active cold sore, then the risk of transmitting one is miniscule. I get cold sores and of course I don't kiss my children while they're active but I do kiss them the rest of the time and my boys don't get them.

Bowlersarm · 20/05/2013 21:29

I'm sure if a man was the carer it would be exactly the same if he was kissing a child's cheek.

Are you just trying to wind everybody up, OP

plantsitter · 20/05/2013 21:29

Sorry op, but if you really feel like this, your kid should not be at nursery. We trust key workers to look after our kids properly and when they are tiny this means showing affection.

Yes, very rarely nursery workers have more sinister intent but you can't live as if this is always the case. I don't see how you can leave your kid at nursery every day if you actually suspect this.

Littlefish · 20/05/2013 21:30

Have you read the replies? You have been told overwhelmingly that your views are out of step with almost everyone else's.

GColdtimer · 20/05/2013 21:30

Op, you are sounding pretty bonkers.

Smartiepants79 · 20/05/2013 21:30

I think sirzy has it exactly. If you trust them (make or female) to look after your child in your absence then affection shown to the child whilst you are standing right there is not an issue.
Do you trust them?
If not you need new childcare arrangements.

rubyslippers · 20/05/2013 21:30

The kiss in this context is not sinister Hmm

You cannot be that ridiculous

Or maybe you can

If you feel uncomfortable pull your child out of the nursery

The problem is entirely in your head

RubyrooUK · 20/05/2013 21:30

Where is the research showing women "are just as likely to be predators and work in the child care environment"? Please cite your sources.

And actually two men work at my DS' nursery. They are kind, thoughtful and I wouldn't mind at all if my DS kissed them goodbye or hello.

Shaky · 20/05/2013 21:32

A close friend of mine is also a midwife. He is also male. How would you feel if he happened to show the same care and compassion that I do? He kissed my baby.

valiumredhead · 20/05/2013 21:32

Oh ffs,I would think exactly the same regardless of the key worker's sex.

You are more than a little bonkers and I'm not convinced this isn't a seeing up tbh...

valiumredhead · 20/05/2013 21:33

Wind up-silly phone!

KneeDeepInDaisies · 20/05/2013 21:33

OP, I hope you don't mind but I looked up your previous posts. To be honest to check you weren't a bridge dweller. I don't think you are by the way.

Is this your DC1 you are talking about? You obviously had a very difficult time with the birth and afterwards, so I want to apologise for not taking you seriously early as you may still be processing everything they happened and your emotions about it.

If I'm wrong about it just ignore me Grin

Shaky · 20/05/2013 21:35

I would also like to add that I would not have minded at all if he had looked after me in labour and delivered my baby.

DearlyDepartedMrsFinch · 20/05/2013 21:35

Writing a complaint is so over the top. I despair of this type of attitude, I really do.

Snazzywaitingforsummer · 20/05/2013 21:38

If this is how you feel - having read your latest "women are just as likely to be predators" post (they're not, by the way) - you should not use childcare as you clearly don't feel anyone is trustworthy to look after your kids. Likewise you should home educate them as a school environment won't be safe enough for them either.

Cloverer · 20/05/2013 21:38

Women are not as likely to be sexual predators as men. But actually, that's irrelevant - I would expect male childcarers to kiss and cuddle their little charges too.

Your child being kissed by someone who they have a loving relationship with, who spends a lot of time with them, and in front of you - is very, very likely to be innocent!

Being affectionate with a child you care for is a normal and healthy human reaction.

ReetPetit · 20/05/2013 21:40

sadly i think KneeDeep is right. op does not appear to be on a wind up, which is a shame actually. how sad for your and your ds that you are living feeling this way Sad

(i feel sorry for the poor keyworker too)

BabyStone · 20/05/2013 21:40

At the nursery I work at, we are not allowed to kiss the children. Hug/cuddle yes, if a child wants to kiss us we have been told they can on our cheek, if they want to on the lips we have to make an excuse. We are there to look after the children and also educate them, of course we can be affectionate but not over the top or all the time. We can cuddle, have them sit on our laps and carry them but only to comfort them and bond with them, we can not show our "favourites" (obviously with young babies and toddlers we can carry them) so I can see where the OP is coming from.

Original poster
Magic69 · 20/05/2013 21:40

It is my DC1 and he is 2 now and i have other kids too, so i dont think the issues round his birth has anything to do with it- for any of my kids, i would think the same.

and i do love him very much. I just dont like strangers kising him- and seeing as he is in nursery twice a week and she isnt his key worker....it does seem odd to me when she started kissing him.

It just doesnt seem appropriate......i can understand cuddling and hugging but all those kisses were not warrented.

I will write the letter and let management know how i feel- afterall, it takes one person to speak up to make a difference. If everyone kept quiet then things will go on and it is just not right.

also regarding sexual predators who are female-

femalesexoffenders.com/
www.reconstruct.co.uk/public/docs/news/Female_sex_offenders.pdf
www.nytimes.com/roomfordebate/2013/02/20/female-sex-offenders-are-often-overlooked

They work in childcare, they are mothers, carers, babysitters, relatives......afterall, dont predators stay around their prey?

OP posts:
Ragusa · 20/05/2013 21:41

Dear lord, are you serious about the male carer?! To answer your question, no, I wouldn't feel any differently if it were a man or a woman.

I really think you need to relax, unless you have other evidence or worries that something is awry. Surely, abusers are by nature secretive in any case - they would hardly want to push your panic buttons by engaging in huge public displays of affection, would they Confused??

Please don't write the letter. If you allege inappropriate affection, then the worker in question might be investigated under safeguarding procedures. Do you think that's justified? You might do, but it would pay to be aware of the possible consequences of any complaint you might make.

Wheresmycaffeinedrip · 20/05/2013 21:41

Please don't complain. I wouldn't want to send my child to a nursery where they didn't show genuine affection towards the children. Of course they care about them. You couldn't do a job that involved getting covered in poo puke wee snot etc if u didn't genuinely love being around children and working to enrich their lives.

My dd still remembers her Pre school key worker.

That feeling of being cared for by someone other than family is what gives them the confidence and self worth and brings them
Out of their shells ready for the world of school etc. that kind of nurturing is invaluable

Flojobunny · 20/05/2013 21:42

This is clearly a wind up. "mummies" blew your cover OP. No normal parent would post something so vile and sexist. My DD 4 yo has a male key worker, albeit he's gay and very camp! She loves him to bits, she goes to nursery 5 days a week. She always gives him a big kiss and cuddle, and she tells me when she's fallen over and I say "what happened" she replies "(key worker) gave me a cuddle and kissed it better".
Anyway, so glad to realise by the OP last post that this is a wind up otherwise I'd feel very sad for this poor child and her key worker.

Sirzy · 20/05/2013 21:42

She isn't a stranger though and if you feel like that they why on earth do you leave your child in there care?

No difference needs to be made, there is nothing wrong with a carer caring.

Bowlersarm · 20/05/2013 21:43

Why did you come on here to ask magic.

Everyone has said you're wrong and you're not bothering to listen.

You obviously had no intention of taking anyone's comments on board if they didn't agree with you.

Bowlersarm · 20/05/2013 21:44

Has to be a wind up, doesn't it?