Sad that I have hidden the truth about our relationship

[Impic]

Looking back I'm sad Iv has to lie about my relationship for over 20 years.

When I met my DH we had this immediate attraction to eachother. I just knew we were ment to be together.

But he had a girlfriend. They were a really odd couple. He was fun and outgoing and she was quiet and antisocial. Everyone said they weren't right together.

Anyway they split up and we got together. Circumstances ment that for a while wed spend a month or so together but then not be able to see eachother for several months.

After we'd been seeing eachother for about a year he told me his ex had a baby who was now four months old. He said he thought he was probably the father but he wasn't 100 percent sure.

Circumstances were complicated and probably too outing to explain but I know he wasn't really being much of a father to the baby. He could of changed the circumstances but he chose not to.

Anyway circumstances eventually changed and we were able to see eachother more regularly. He said his ex wouldn't let him see the baby because she wasn't happy about how absent hed been and wasn't happy that he had moved on.

Then out of the blue she basically publically humiliated him, telling all his friends and family stuff that made him look bad and it also turned out that he'd been letting her think they were still in a relationship all that time and she never stopped him seeing the baby.

So obviously he'd been lying to me the whole time and cheating on me. but I loved him too much to dump him so we came up with a lie to tell my family about why he suddenly had a baby over a year old because otherwise they'd hate him and I would have to choose between him and them and that was impossible.

It sounds bad what he did but

1. They'd only been together about 3 months when she got pregnant. He didn't want to keep the baby and she originally agreed but then changed her mind

1. He didn't know she was pregnant when we started seeing eachother.

1. He'd been planning on breaking up with her anyway at that point and was just waiting for the right time.

1. He didn't want to break up with her when she was pregnant or looking after a small baby because she had problems with anorexia, cutting, drinking and drugs and he didn't want to tip her over the edge

1. He thought she would get the message that there relationship was over sooner and also thought that she would behave like a decent person and not publically humiliate him when she did.

I know that our relationship has always been great and we had the perfect love story when we got together but I hate that Ive had to lie all these years to protect DH because other people won't understand and even with the lie we told lots of people still think he must of done something wrong.

I didn't mean to write so much. I'm just glad to of got it off my chest.

This cannot be real! You had the "perfect love story"? Except for all the lies and cheating? And the fact that he's a cheating scumbag deadbeat dad who has shown you that he has it in him to totally lie and betray with ease ... I can't believe you trust him!😂

How did they break up.not knowing she was pregnant and her only tell him when the baby was a year work with "He didn't want to keep the baby" from your OP.

It's difficult to keep a lie going remembering what you're saying, isn't it?
And this is over the course of a short thread that you could go back and check what you said. I imagine you made so many contradictions over the years that it's obvious to everyone.

He's probably had other relationships too that you've been to naive to notice. If they'll cheat on one person, they'll cheat again because they clearly don't have morals.
I wonder how many of those think they had the perfect love story.

You buried the lede here. The campervan question is easy. No you cannot claim mileage on a company owned vehicle. The real issue seems to be that you are trying to solve a personal relationship problem with a business tax question. Talk to an accountant about the van and a therapist about everything else.

I find it unbearable that you and he lied, to make him sound better and, even worse, make his ex girlfriend sound like a liar and someone who behaved differently to how she actually behaved. She deserves a huge apology. It must have been awful for her. I really dislike when people lie to make themselves seem better, and don’t take accountability for their actions.

Why did you lie to protect such a disgusting, cheating, lowlife?

Isn’t this called a skeleton in the closet? Not the romantic and whoa is me scenario you’re trying to depict OP!

Did you end up having any children with him do they know about their half sibling?

Blimey, there's a lot to unpack there
I have no idea how you got together was 'a perfect love story'
Sounds like he was cheating on 2 women, both of which were in relatively new relationships, one of whom he got pregnant.

How long ago did this all happen? Sometimes the start and ending of relationships can overlap and be messy. It can be tawdry and some people look bad because of their poor behaviour.

Usually with the passage of time, particularly if the 'second' dalliance develops into a deeply committed relationship that endures and the parent supports their DC from the previous partner - all tends to be smoothed over and somewhat forgotten, life moves on.

Did he ever have a dna test if he didn't think it was his?

Perfect love story? Ha!

He cheated on his girlfriend with you, got her pregnant and no doubt played the excited father, and then dumped her.

And then you have the audacity to claim she went psycho and set out to destroy his reputation.

No, he did that all himself. And you’ve spent the past 20 years helping him by lying to protect him.

And he’s a great father? Being a father is more than getting someone pregnant and paying child support.

Shameful, both of you.

What a pair of absolute bastards you both are, so you destroyed this woman’s reputation to save his? I bet his child hates him, rightfully so.

So what happened with his child?

Are/did you of indeed? :-)

He sounds dreadful, frankly. Do you need a man with such baggage?

😂

Sounds like you have to lie about it to fool yourself as much as your family.

You had a shitty relationship with a liar and a cheat who was a crappy partner and because of that has been shitty father.

It's worked out for you, but this idea that there was something lovely about the way it started and it's your family's narrow mindedness that has made you pretend otherwise is deluded. The lie you are telling is the "dream" scenario, the reality is fucked up.

Ha this could of been me on the other side, but I know it's not, as my ex and his now wife don't speak English. Your boyfriend is a narcissistic fuck and you're willingly sticking your head in the sand as you're now too invested. Feel sorry for the mum although she was absolutely right for outing him.

My ex told me he was single when we met, but actually he broke up with his ex to be with me as he saw an opportunity to move abroad. We had a whirlwind romance where he told me he loved me, wanted to marry me and have kids immediately. I was pregnant after 6 months, then I found out he had still been seeing his 'ex'. He left me when I was 3 months pregnant to go back to her, mainly because I didn't serve him like a good little housewife he's used to. Proposed to her and told her all these lies about not wanting children/it was an accident, that we weren't really in a relationship. All lies. He'd introduced me to his entire extended family as his partner and told them of his intention to marry me etc.

He's been a shit dad, largely absent and hasn't financially helped at all, and she was incredibly insecure and nasty towards me when I was pregnant, no doubt believing all the lies.

Then... One day when my son was one, he tried it on with me again, which I ignored. But she found all his (explicit) messages and contacted me. By this point I knew about all his lies, as his family had revealed the truth and supported me, but she believed a totally different version of his 'truth'. I sent her all the screenshots revealing all and to be honest she was devastated as it directly contradicted what he'd told her. But then after a while she still went back to him as by this point she'd invested so much in this (good-for-nothing) man. Apparently he routinely cheats on her but she's desperate to make out they have a perfect relationship.

I don't really care any more. She deserves it. The trash took itself out and me and my son are better off without him and I have a genuinely wonderful life with a lovely new partner.

Men like this treat all women terribly and you are enabling him with your willful ignorance. Just don't come back on here complaining when he does something equally terribly to you.

People are predictable. You can see how they’ll treat you according to their past behaviour. I’d bin him off now, you. You can do better.

This exactly. This could be my ex's wife. He's such a shit partner but she clings onto him believing she's "won" something wonderful. After a while they can't let go because the truth is too devastating.

Perfect love story? Maaaate get a standard that’s a bit higher than a limbo bar .

you and he spread rumours that the mother of his kid was an self harming, drug taking alcoholic with an eating disorder and you are both despicable. You should be thoroughly ashamed and he is bloody awful. What is wrong with you? You were clearly the mistress and you tried to destroy another woman and her kid 😮😮😮🤡

Oh also his wife told me he told her he didn't know I was pregnant until he returned to his home country - the truth was he knew from the same day I did. I sent her a photo of us smiling holding the scan photo together. I'm sure your partner was doing exactly the same.

Basically keeping both options going as long as possible. If you want to really know the truth, just ask her and you'll probably find out that everything he told you was a lie, and she'll have evidence.

flaming Nora!! You aren’t star crossed lovers with a magical love story. He’s just a bog standard lying twat who has played you like a fiddle. Don’t have children with this man

Lady! You are absolutely deluded and have been had by this jerk of a man

I think you have been trying to believe the lies you have both created but these things always have an effect at some point, which is why you are posting, you know deep down that what he did to her and you wasn’t nice.

You also seem to brush aside that he cheated on you, that you believe he had no choice but to cheat because it was the right thing for him to do for his ex?

Very odd, have you ever been angry with him for the way he treated you? If not I think you have been holding it in all this time.

Vive la sisterhood. Not excusing this absolute failure of a male, but he's not here.

OP, take some responsibility for your own choices here.

You were the other woman, stop sugar coating it.

Perfect love story... your bar must be very low. He sounds like a total prize.

He's left a woman who was pregnant by the sounds of it, and was in a committed relationship so hardly like she kept it secret. Her personality is irrelevant.

You got with a messy man and that's thr story no sugarcoating it. Just focus on your relationship now, why do you need to tell people your life story regarding relationship therefore needing to omit things?

He did these things and so needs to own them too, and as for her "humiliating him", he did that himself, she just told the truth of ehat happened. Going through pregnancy and birth and then having a child with am absent father who is sleeping with someone else must have been dreadful in the extreme. She's the victim here.