Sad that I have hidden the truth about our relationship

[Impic]

Looking back I'm sad Iv has to lie about my relationship for over 20 years.

When I met my DH we had this immediate attraction to eachother. I just knew we were ment to be together.

But he had a girlfriend. They were a really odd couple. He was fun and outgoing and she was quiet and antisocial. Everyone said they weren't right together.

Anyway they split up and we got together. Circumstances ment that for a while wed spend a month or so together but then not be able to see eachother for several months.

After we'd been seeing eachother for about a year he told me his ex had a baby who was now four months old. He said he thought he was probably the father but he wasn't 100 percent sure.

Circumstances were complicated and probably too outing to explain but I know he wasn't really being much of a father to the baby. He could of changed the circumstances but he chose not to.

Anyway circumstances eventually changed and we were able to see eachother more regularly. He said his ex wouldn't let him see the baby because she wasn't happy about how absent hed been and wasn't happy that he had moved on.

Then out of the blue she basically publically humiliated him, telling all his friends and family stuff that made him look bad and it also turned out that he'd been letting her think they were still in a relationship all that time and she never stopped him seeing the baby.

So obviously he'd been lying to me the whole time and cheating on me. but I loved him too much to dump him so we came up with a lie to tell my family about why he suddenly had a baby over a year old because otherwise they'd hate him and I would have to choose between him and them and that was impossible.

It sounds bad what he did but

1. They'd only been together about 3 months when she got pregnant. He didn't want to keep the baby and she originally agreed but then changed her mind

1. He didn't know she was pregnant when we started seeing eachother.

1. He'd been planning on breaking up with her anyway at that point and was just waiting for the right time.

1. He didn't want to break up with her when she was pregnant or looking after a small baby because she had problems with anorexia, cutting, drinking and drugs and he didn't want to tip her over the edge

1. He thought she would get the message that there relationship was over sooner and also thought that she would behave like a decent person and not publically humiliate him when she did.

I know that our relationship has always been great and we had the perfect love story when we got together but I hate that Ive had to lie all these years to protect DH because other people won't understand and even with the lie we told lots of people still think he must of done something wrong.

I didn't mean to write so much. I'm just glad to of got it off my chest.

Typical - he liked you but carried on in a different relationship, what a coward! He then father's a kid, still sees her whilst he's seeing you and you're fine with that.

Not only that but you are covering his ass...

Seriously!!!!

I wish you luck, but you are with a complete AH.

Perfect love story? Thank you, I needed a good laugh today.

So you made her look like a twat in order to make the two of you look better.

Spectacular.

Please re-read your post as if a friend was telling you all this. What would you say to them?

I read each of your points about why he had to behave this way and tried to keep an open and non-judgmental mind. But each and every reason is at best a lame excuse, but more accurately sounds like a lie he has told you. You have believed these lies as you feel in love with him.
Who will he be lying to next, and what will he say about you?

He has weaved a massive web of lies and has told you some very significant ones. If this is real, I think you have been massively taken in. Your post reads like someone praising a cult leader. Eventually he will turn on you. Develop some common sense (if at all possible) and dump him now.

Why wont you say how old you and he both were at the time?

Gosh, you bagged yourself a real prince here, didn’t you, OP? Was everyone involved under age, and you and he were apart for months at a time because you were in juvenile detention centres?

Ok he was late 20s I was early 20s and his ex is about a year or two older than me I think, can't remember exactly.

'perfect love story'... what, apart from all the lying, cheating and getting together with a partnered up expectant deadbeat dad you mean, and then him lying to you and cheating on you?

May this love never find me.

So when he didn’t see the baby and that was by choice that’s …
not abandoning his child?
some people will believe anything. Anything at all. Good luck in your perfect love story relationship with a cheater who was still with his girlfriend but abandoning his baby while he had his perfect love story with you. I hope someone tells your family everything.

there’s a child out there without a dad. Because his dad has a perfect love story apparently. People who are ok with that make me sick.

This is the furthest thing from a perfect love story I’ve ever heard in my life.

When I say we had the perfect love story I mean how we first got together. I know him cheating wasn't perfect.

I think this is very sad, OP. I think it's sad that a young you didn't believe that she deserved better treatment and that you thought - and still seem to think - that this man is a prize. I think it's sad that you missed out on dating and normal experiences.

The bar is in hell.

Nothing says perfect love story like having to lie about how your perfect relationship started. For fear that people close to you would think he’s a cheating bastard and that you were deluding yourself that he is some sort of a catch.

None so blind as those who will not see.

Your perfect hubby is a cheating twat who hauled you into covering up his shitty behaviour, and you know it, which is why it still bugs you.

Would love to hear what passes for being a “great father” these days…

I assume it means he managed to work out his issues with his child’s mother, started treating her with respect, and arranged a weekly shared custody set up while taking responsibility for a fair portion of the administrative work for the child’s extra-curricular activities, health care appointments, school stuff, parties and celebrations, etc?

So the child is now grown up - after 20 years, is DH still in contact with them?

The biggest lie is telling yourself this is a perfect love story!

Come on, you cannot be this naive.

This.

You chose to lie.. That's it. Either it was worth it or not. You will know whether or not it was.

It's kind of karma that you have had to feel bad and sweat all these years, Op.
It's a pity that your cheating partner was not more uncomfortable.
Does he lose sleep over the way he treats women he supposedly loves?

Start to tell the truth now. - that DH was stringing two women along and you were fine with making up lies to give him a better reputation so you could stay with him.

What have I just read? Well, you know for sure he's a GREAT liar and a cheater. What other bullshit has he been spinning you (and the mother of his child)?
"But I loved him too much to dump him". Jesus wept.

1. He thought she would get the message that there relationship was over sooner and also thought that she would behave like a decent person and not publically humiliate him when she did.

Oh the irony. So she was supposed to behave like a decent human being in the face of his terrible behaviour? When she had been cheated on, lied to when pregnant and vulnerable

You colluded in a lie. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Instant attraction so you cheated and he cheated for a while then broke up your two relationships to get together and had to tell a whole bunch of lies to cover both yourselves not just him as claimed...and then it's been a catalogue of disasters for the last 20 years chosen to turn into a pretty lovely story instead while a child has suffered, 2 other humans your exes suffered, family suffered etc etc...Your not innocent like your trying to blame him. You both knew but chose to go ahead with your affair anyhow. And if you think a penny of csa was ever seen think again!

“I know that our relationship has always been great and we had the perfect love story when we got together” it’s interesting because this sounds the opposite of a perfect love story to me…

You didn't have to lie, you chose too. Your husband sounds like an arse. Its 20 years ago get over it.