Sad that I have hidden the truth about our relationship

[Impic]

Looking back I'm sad Iv has to lie about my relationship for over 20 years.

When I met my DH we had this immediate attraction to eachother. I just knew we were ment to be together.

But he had a girlfriend. They were a really odd couple. He was fun and outgoing and she was quiet and antisocial. Everyone said they weren't right together.

Anyway they split up and we got together. Circumstances ment that for a while wed spend a month or so together but then not be able to see eachother for several months.

After we'd been seeing eachother for about a year he told me his ex had a baby who was now four months old. He said he thought he was probably the father but he wasn't 100 percent sure.

Circumstances were complicated and probably too outing to explain but I know he wasn't really being much of a father to the baby. He could of changed the circumstances but he chose not to.

Anyway circumstances eventually changed and we were able to see eachother more regularly. He said his ex wouldn't let him see the baby because she wasn't happy about how absent hed been and wasn't happy that he had moved on.

Then out of the blue she basically publically humiliated him, telling all his friends and family stuff that made him look bad and it also turned out that he'd been letting her think they were still in a relationship all that time and she never stopped him seeing the baby.

So obviously he'd been lying to me the whole time and cheating on me. but I loved him too much to dump him so we came up with a lie to tell my family about why he suddenly had a baby over a year old because otherwise they'd hate him and I would have to choose between him and them and that was impossible.

It sounds bad what he did but

1. They'd only been together about 3 months when she got pregnant. He didn't want to keep the baby and she originally agreed but then changed her mind

1. He didn't know she was pregnant when we started seeing eachother.

1. He'd been planning on breaking up with her anyway at that point and was just waiting for the right time.

1. He didn't want to break up with her when she was pregnant or looking after a small baby because she had problems with anorexia, cutting, drinking and drugs and he didn't want to tip her over the edge

1. He thought she would get the message that there relationship was over sooner and also thought that she would behave like a decent person and not publically humiliate him when she did.

I know that our relationship has always been great and we had the perfect love story when we got together but I hate that Ive had to lie all these years to protect DH because other people won't understand and even with the lie we told lots of people still think he must of done something wrong.

I didn't mean to write so much. I'm just glad to of got it off my chest.

You've been well & truly taken in

I feel extremely sorry for the way he treated the mother of his child.

He doesn't come well out of the whole business but this He didn't want to keep the baby and she originally agreed but then changed her mind I find particularly awful because it sounds as though he was putting pressure on her to terminate the pregnancy.

I hate that Ive had chosen to lie all these years to protect DH because other people won't understand and even with the lie we told lots of people still think he must of done did something wrong.

I doubt that many people were fooled tbh.

He sounds awful and I cannot think what lie you could possibly come up with to explain away someone fathering a baby while supposedly in a relationship - unless you said you were on a break?

Your whole relationship is a lie, personally I’d be more sad about being a total mug, and being the other woman for a very long time. But this is the life you’ve chosen so crack on, no point being sad about a choice that you are still choosing to live with.

Wow

I doubt anyone believes you anyway. I'm sure everyone knows your H is vile.

Bloody hell. If this is a perfect love story I don’t know what you’re comparing it to.

Has he had a relationship with his child or not? It’s not clear.

So he "thought that she would behave like a decent person" but he clearly didn't hold himself to the same standard.

None of the excuses you give for his behaviour make it okay.

I hope he's changed and you're happy, but I can't understand why you stayed and lied for him then.

Im a bit confused. You have been together and presumably happy for the past 20 years?
Why are you still going over this after all these years. He was honest with his ex that he didnt want the baby. Has he paid child support? Why didn't he request a DNA test?
Did he actually do all things his ex said abiut him or was she lying?

erm perfect love story

nope

stop lying to yourself

He didn't want to break up with her in case she harmed herself but he thought she'd get the message that the relationship was over?

That's hardly the worst of it, but it's the most incoherent.

You are obviously deluded and he is a jerk, but if you’re happy, carry on.

However, what is the actual point of your post? What do you need help with - what do you hope to gain?

Wow. I assume he has nothing to do with his child? Did you go on to have children with him? I couldn’t be with a man who is this selfish and who has no morals. He was cheating on you both and had a child he (likely) abandoned. This is not a perfect love story. Far from it.

This is far from the “perfect love story”, you were the OW, you chose to believe his bullshit, put blinkers on to ignore the fact he had a child, you knew he was a useless father and you still tried to protect a pathetic specimen like this? He deserved public humiliation imo. He's a pathetic excuse for a father and I can’t help but wonder what type of woman stays with a man like this.

Haven't you posted this before? I've read this near exact story a few months ago

Protecting your h? More like lying for him. Don't romanticise this Op.

This is why I can't tell anyone in real life. I know it makes him look bad but it really wasn't like that.

He didn't abandon his child. He's been a great dad and of course he paid child support.

I'm not asking for help or anything posting this. I just wanted to say what happened somewhere because I hate that I had to lie.

I wouldn’t worry about it. Nobody has believed any of that.

You didn't have to lie at all. You chose to lie.

Unless you were coerced to lie by him?

You need to look at what really happened and make sure you're not a victim yourself.

Perfect post ⬆️👏👏

From your OP: I know he wasn't really being much of a father to the baby. He could of changed the circumstances but he chose not to.

1. They'd only been together about 3 months when she he got her pregnant. He didn't want to keep the baby and she originally agreed but then changed her mind her choice, his choice was not to risk getting her pregnant

1. He didn't know she was pregnant when we started seeing eachother. he was cheating on her

1. He'd been planning on breaking up with her anyway at that point and was just waiting for the right time. to stop hedging his bets as he didn’t want jump ship to you while your flirtation was early days

1. He didn't want to break up with her when she was pregnant or looking after a small baby because she had problems with anorexia, cutting, drinking and drugs and he didn't want to tip her over the edge and he’d look like a massive arsehole dumping his pregnant gf especially as he’d have to give reason which was he’d been cheating on her

1. He thought she would get the message that there relationship was over sooner and also thought that she would behave like a decent person and not publically humiliate him when she did. If he was shitty enough she’d dump him and she’d be the bad guy or it’d seem like an amicable break up. However she was pregnant/ postpartum and busy so didn’t then told everyone the truth about his shitty behaviour and he’s embarrassed that everyone found out

fixed it for you