Sad that I have hidden the truth about our relationship

[Impic]

Looking back I'm sad Iv has to lie about my relationship for over 20 years.

When I met my DH we had this immediate attraction to eachother. I just knew we were ment to be together.

But he had a girlfriend. They were a really odd couple. He was fun and outgoing and she was quiet and antisocial. Everyone said they weren't right together.

Anyway they split up and we got together. Circumstances ment that for a while wed spend a month or so together but then not be able to see eachother for several months.

After we'd been seeing eachother for about a year he told me his ex had a baby who was now four months old. He said he thought he was probably the father but he wasn't 100 percent sure.

Circumstances were complicated and probably too outing to explain but I know he wasn't really being much of a father to the baby. He could of changed the circumstances but he chose not to.

Anyway circumstances eventually changed and we were able to see eachother more regularly. He said his ex wouldn't let him see the baby because she wasn't happy about how absent hed been and wasn't happy that he had moved on.

Then out of the blue she basically publically humiliated him, telling all his friends and family stuff that made him look bad and it also turned out that he'd been letting her think they were still in a relationship all that time and she never stopped him seeing the baby.

So obviously he'd been lying to me the whole time and cheating on me. but I loved him too much to dump him so we came up with a lie to tell my family about why he suddenly had a baby over a year old because otherwise they'd hate him and I would have to choose between him and them and that was impossible.

It sounds bad what he did but

1. They'd only been together about 3 months when she got pregnant. He didn't want to keep the baby and she originally agreed but then changed her mind

1. He didn't know she was pregnant when we started seeing eachother.

1. He'd been planning on breaking up with her anyway at that point and was just waiting for the right time.

1. He didn't want to break up with her when she was pregnant or looking after a small baby because she had problems with anorexia, cutting, drinking and drugs and he didn't want to tip her over the edge

1. He thought she would get the message that there relationship was over sooner and also thought that she would behave like a decent person and not publically humiliate him when she did.

I know that our relationship has always been great and we had the perfect love story when we got together but I hate that Ive had to lie all these years to protect DH because other people won't understand and even with the lie we told lots of people still think he must of done something wrong.

I didn't mean to write so much. I'm just glad to of got it off my chest.

I don't think anyone has ever asked when I met DH or not many people...I don't really ask that question of others either. I may say I've been married for X years and have X number of kids and their ages.

I suppose it's the age of your stepchild that may raise questions... so you end up possibly altering the timelines.

There are bigger problems in life. Don't stress all these years later if you're happy.

I personally couldn't have stayed after the cheating. I'd have lost all trust.

But the child absolutely loves OP and his dad! Despite that fact they cheated on and slandered his mother, and lie about his birth circumstances in order to make themselves look better.
Apparently.

I don't know maybe you are a 6 ft man called Fred?

No one has any reason not to believe what we told them.

We've never said anything bad about dhs ex in front of the child.

For as long as my step child can remember me and dh have been together. They don't know anything different and is perfectly happy.

Apart from his ex making sure that the truth was actually told. People talk, you would be amazed how these things get around, more so these days thanks to SM connections.

ETA just because no one has said "Thats not true though is it?" doesnt mean that they believe you.

You do sound perfect for each others - zero morals match made in heaven

You think the ex has never mentioned what a twat your DH was in his child’s early life? If she has, his son knows you lie about it. If not, you should be a lot more grateful towards her than you seem to be.

No one has any reason not to believe what we told them.

If you think that, then surely you can just carry on as you are. It niggles at you because YOU know the truth.

How you met your husband is a very grim and tacky tale. You've had to tell yourself some big lies to spin it as some fairy tale. Surely this thread must have made you look at dh and your relationship in a new light?

I don't know what she told her child, they've never asked me or dh anything. Maybe she's made things out to be different to what they were so dh and his dc can have a good relationship so I suppose that's one good thing she's done.

So now you seem to be implicitly acknowledging that your DH behaved appallingly, and that his child would have every reason to not want a relationship with him if s/he knew the truth?

ONE good thing? Aside from raise the child alone and have the stigma as happens still in some circles of being a single parent? Weird thing to write.

One good thing 😲

He made mistakes. He was in difficult circumstances and wasn't ready to be a father. He probably didn't do the best thing but he wasn't appalling.

I'm annoyed that everyone posting on this thread seems to think she must of been a perfect saint there was plenty she could of done better too.

I'm trying to put this politely. You're completely under the influence of your bloke. He must be quite the manipulator to have you protecting him so fiercely. You should hope he never treats you in the way he's capable of doing. Cross your fingers.

I haven’t read much further but I’m glad it’s not just me that thinks this. Did the previous similar post involve Australia?

This, you deserve this scummy, lying sack of shit. Two peas in a pod.

He wasn't ready to be a parent but she just happened to be eh? He got to walk away and start again with the next gullible fool and she got to do all the parenting. It is bad enough when a man walks away and leaves the detritus of parenting to the woman but when another woman comes along and actually APPLAUDS him for the minimal effort he puts in and glosses over the fact he walked away from a woman and her pregnancy and their child you have to wonder if we have gone back in time.

Also, nobody is believing your timeline so your conscience is clear. You may lie and pretend you feel bad about it but people are clever and can do the math for themselves.

What could she have done better?

Given that she was cheated on, walked out on when pregnant, mostly solo parented since he “wasn’t ready” and yet still hasn’t allowed any of that to negatively influence her child’s feelings toward their father (or you given your clear feeling that it’s ok he cheated on her as you are better) what exactly has she done wrong?

Don’t forget she went out on the lash once in her 20’s and had a spliff 😂

Hard to say whether she could have done better when you’ve actively avoid describing the nature of your partner’s contribution to raising his child.

No one says she was a saint. But she looked after her baby- she met the minimum as a parent. Your stellar example of a man completely failed the minimum bar of being a parent, he was not a parent. She was very unlikely to be a saint but she was everything that baby had and their whole world. While she parented their baby, he made up lies about her.

I'm not applauding him like I said he made mistakes and could of done better.

She probably wasn't ready to be a parent either but it was her choice, as it should be to keep the baby.

I'm not a gullible fool. I get why it might seem that way from what I've said here but I'm really not.

Obviously it was more than that.

CamillaMcCauley · Today 11:17
Impic · Yesterday 19:57
I'm annoyed that everyone posting on this thread seems to think she must of been a perfect saint there was plenty she could of done better too.
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Hard to say whether she could have done better when you’ve actively avoid describing the nature of your partner’s contribution to raising his child.
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Enough of the 'of', Impic, It should be 'have'!

Your misuse of the word detracts from the point you are trying to make, you're coming over as ignorant.