How to cut wedding budget by £8k! Anyone good with trimming?

[dandiesc]

Which of these costs can we cut?

We were promised a contribution of £10k for our wedding from my parents but sadly their financial situation has changed and we couldn't have predicted it. The budget is currently £23k and I need to bring it down to £14/15k.

The venue is £4k without catering and is booked. Accommodation is also booked for all guests but we are asking our guests to help with that.

This is my list of things getting cut. I still need to cut more, but was wondering what you thought?

It's a 3 day wedding as it's multicultural plus one day of set up. Here is what we are thinking?

1. Videographer cut altogether
2. Photographer for first and last day
3. Hair and makeup for second day only
4. Bouquet (can I just tied together some £20 supermaket flowers?)
5. Bridesmaids dresses (is it rude to give them a colour and ask them to buy their own?
6. Groomsman outfits (its all a different culture so they won't have them)
7. Considering bringing photographer for only half of second day
8. All entertainers cut
9. Cut all gifts for groomsmen/bridesmaids
10. Cut wedding favours

Is it rude/will regret any of these?

Here is where we need extra help:

The main issue is food and alcohol. We are all staying in small self catering cottages. No-one lives nearby and most will be flying in.

1. Catering costs thousands of pounds. We were going to cater two meals professionally and have the rest cooked in the cottages family style where everyone takes turns. (summer wedding so can eat outside in UK hopefully). These two catered meals come to £3.7k total. Can we scrap these? it means no formal meal.
2. We still have to pay for 13 meals to be cooked in cottages family style any thoughts on these?
3. People expect to drink. On two evenings they will have access to a paid bar. But for two other evenings and all lunches it will be on us to provide as it will be in the cottages. Any ideas on how to cut?
4. My dream dress is £3k. It's from a different culture. I have had my eye on it for 4 years. I cannot describe how much I want this dress. I have been unable to locate second hand. I know I will really regret not wearing it but I am also struggling to justify it given the cost and new budget. I will need multiple outfits but all the others will come to £500 total.
5. First night is stag/hen which is drinking games in teh cottages. Could we ask everyone attending to split the cost? It would be about £850 in alcohol and decoration we expect.

I have posted about this wedding before so you may recognise my post. I have slightly changed details in my delusional attempt at keeping anonymous.

Please help!

You can't cut budget just on guests/wedding party and keep everything for you. I know its your wedding but its not as important to other people, like you have to feed and entertain them and not expect them to buy their own specific outfits.

850 on alcohol is ridiculous for one night. I'd ask guests to bring a bottle if they can, and then just top it up. You don't need top shelf expensive shorts and spirits.

Can a dress maker make your dress for less?

How much do people need to drink every evening and lunch? I think your consumables are where you need to cut costs. It's 25 people. You could batch cook some stuff I advance, lots of brought in salads and bits. I cooked soup and chilli the weekend for 30, I would absolutely do that I advance and help prep for a weekend of celebration for someone I loved.

Madness

you’ll be famous for the worst wedding ever 🤷🏼‍♀️

You may feel like a princess but if your guests are miserable you will feel like one of the ugly sisters surely or incredibly vain and selfish - you would end up regretting the dress then

you can get something equally beautiful for £500

people will remember your wedding as awful and talk about for years about how they had to pitch in and pay for ow food while you were In a 4k dress

can you not see you are budgeting nearly a third of your precious money on the outfit you will wear for around 6 hours while skimping on everything else

We did our own table flowers in 2024 with supermarket flowers and dozens of cheap bud vases. Nobody noticed anything amiss nor cared.

I think if you’re spending £15,000 asking your wedding party to pay for their own outfits is rude. It shows that you’d rather they put their hand in their pocket than you miss out on something else. Especially when your dress is then £3,000. So I wouldn’t do that - you can get cheaper outfits for them. Ditto making them buy their outfits and not getting them a gift.

Frankly I’m not sure how you’re going to manage a multi day, on-site cottage wedding on £15k. That’s less than I spent on one day…

You don’t need stag and hen decorations. You can make that BYOB as generally people would pay for that for you anyway.

For breakfasts you could supply each cottage with a breakfast selection from the supermarket (bread, eggs, milk, jam, butter, croissants and coffee) and let the sort themselves out.

Lunches - can you have BBQs and again buy it all from the shops and just do meats, salads and buns?

You can’t ask people to travel to a wedding and buy their own drink 🙈

All of it looks a waste of money, to me.

But OP likes and wants a self-indulgent ostentatious display.

Insanity.

Honestly there is no “the one” dress. This is marketing. I would just buy a cheaper dress. I bought an absolutely gorgeous second hand designer dress and it was still very ridiculous for a days wear. Look second hand. I’d actually rather keep hair and make up as I think this takes an awful lot of the stress off and can be transformative.

There are some Seema Gurjal outfits on Vinted. It may not be the one you wanted, but they are absolutely beautiful.

You could change up your catering, for the day that hen/ stag could you get pizzas, cases of beer and soft drinks and ask people to chip in a small amount each. For a hen/ stag it would be pretty expected for people to contribute.

For your second day you could do a curry night, either ask a family member if you have a great cook or a local restaurant to make 2 curries, rice, breads and extras, you will be able to do this way cheaper than full catering and that would
leave one catered meal. It can be made ahead and brought to the cottages frozen or chilled and reheated on the day.

Silk flowers or a florist bouquet trimmed and tied together. There are pretty ones on Etsy.

Ditch the videography and keep the photographs just for the ceremony.

But subsidised by the victims, sorry, “guests”

I know madness isn’t it

I think OP just needs more time to absorb she can’t have that dress

Yes!

id be f ing furious

Op I would try to get a similar dress but it’s your day so the dress is a lot more important than some of your other costs. You don’t want to look back and regret the dress over the other costs. But I would not pay out any of this type of money for 1 day for people to say oh what lovely food and party. It’s a bit of paper at the end of the day.

It sounds miserable. All these jolly ideas for batch cooked vats of stew sound really miserable and depressing and it’s crap if there isn’t enough drink or crap drink. It’s really noticeable you’ll cut anything but your isn dress. I looked at the site and wow those dresses are all incredible - so incredible tjat the 25 people who traveled mikes to eat watery lentils out of a chipped mug are going to feel like shit.

all this jolly mucking in stuff always sounds like a solution on mn but it’s a bit like the magic chicken and the massive salad / the reality is miserable and sad.

I can only think of two solutions. First one is to get a loan and keep your plans as you are hoping for. Second is you cancel, and take the loss. Maybe you will be able to reimburse part of the travel costs to your friends and family if anything is left.
You must be a nervous wreak thinking of having to tell everybody but they are family who love you and I am sure they'd understand and feel badly for you and your df.
Maybe if they've all paid for flights and clothes they'll say they'll come anyways to celebrate in the cottages like a family reunion. Don't worry about professional catering, buy lots of things that can be cooked outside on a barbecue.
I'd go for a loan though, or cancel/postpone and start saving for next year.
Let us know how this works out. Try not to make yourselves sick over it.

Oh! This is the cottages thread person!

I disagree with this - we watch ours atleast yearly on our anniversary and love our videos. Our photos, however, we never look at!

Not fair. In some cultures weddings are very much expected to be an ostentatious display, and the OP is trying to fit in with cultural expectations with a very limited budget. She is probably conscious of judgement being thrown at her parents too if she falls short.

Not all weddings are based on the idea of EuroUS norms.

Well said!

it takes an enormous amount of time and energy

it’s not going to work for 25 people who probably won’t even have cars to pop out

people will need drinks and refreshments with each meal (not alcohol)

id borrow some money and get it catered - if it’s pizza I’d go to supermarket

I also hate this hens will pay for bride when it’s something expensive - they may have paid in old days but that would have been a few gins at the local

I genuinely don’t think you can afford it, but if you are pushing ahead then you really cannot have that specific dress. £1K is already a crazy amount to spend in your situation and obviously you have no idea what you’ll sell it for later - you could spill something on it while cooking and doing dishes that night and be out the full cost.

And I would be pretty annoyed if I was cooking your wedding for you and you had a fancy dress and videographer and photographer and all sorts of nonsense. If the goal is to celebrate you and your families and have a lovely weekend, anything outside food is extra. You want a nice and relaxed time, not a rota for washing dishes.

Bridesmaids can wear whatever (or maybe the easiest thing is just to not have bridesmaids and groomsmen at all. Can still have a party with them and have them there, but you can make it a small wedding party and clear those costs)

So you’ll look like a princess wearing your 3k gown for a few hours while all your bridesmaids are wearing Primark?

is mums net normally like this? What are you two even doing on this thread? please don't answer I'm really not looking to engage. If you don't like it just go elsewhere and move on. I'm not looking to be hated on I'm looking for solutions which so many kind people have helped me with. You don't know me or my situation, have some kindness or just don't post! @Ophir @Pippilongstocking2

Thank you so much to everyone who has been kind and helpful I really appreciate it.

If I don't go down the professional catered route I would have a bigger food budget to work with doing things family style so it won't be stew but more things from Cook, or Waitrose platters, or local restaurants dropping off.

I started that way but it doesn’t sound like it

they are staying in cottagea and considering a hog roast - no auntys or uncles - only 25 guests

there is no way this is going to be ostentatious regardless

and by the way I did a hog roast party once- you can’t just give people the hog - you spend the same amount on salads etc - the hog roast is jus the meat

not having enough food and drink transcends cultural boundaries - it equals miserable in any culture

Or...and here's a "radical" idea.
She gets married in her favourite dress. Some friends show up for the buffet lunch in the church hall/garden/wherever. No one sits down. Speeches. It ends. OP drives off into her future. Everyone remembers what a lovely (short) day it was and everyone's lives move on.

Hen and stag do are in the UK, on one day/night, and, hey, everyone comments on how refreshingly and fun it was.

@dandiesc I noticed that @Pippilongstocking2 got deleted several times last night, suspect that the chardonnay is out tonight too.