How to cut wedding budget by £8k! Anyone good with trimming?

[dandiesc]

Which of these costs can we cut?

We were promised a contribution of £10k for our wedding from my parents but sadly their financial situation has changed and we couldn't have predicted it. The budget is currently £23k and I need to bring it down to £14/15k.

The venue is £4k without catering and is booked. Accommodation is also booked for all guests but we are asking our guests to help with that.

This is my list of things getting cut. I still need to cut more, but was wondering what you thought?

It's a 3 day wedding as it's multicultural plus one day of set up. Here is what we are thinking?

1. Videographer cut altogether
2. Photographer for first and last day
3. Hair and makeup for second day only
4. Bouquet (can I just tied together some £20 supermaket flowers?)
5. Bridesmaids dresses (is it rude to give them a colour and ask them to buy their own?
6. Groomsman outfits (its all a different culture so they won't have them)
7. Considering bringing photographer for only half of second day
8. All entertainers cut
9. Cut all gifts for groomsmen/bridesmaids
10. Cut wedding favours

Is it rude/will regret any of these?

Here is where we need extra help:

The main issue is food and alcohol. We are all staying in small self catering cottages. No-one lives nearby and most will be flying in.

1. Catering costs thousands of pounds. We were going to cater two meals professionally and have the rest cooked in the cottages family style where everyone takes turns. (summer wedding so can eat outside in UK hopefully). These two catered meals come to £3.7k total. Can we scrap these? it means no formal meal.
2. We still have to pay for 13 meals to be cooked in cottages family style any thoughts on these?
3. People expect to drink. On two evenings they will have access to a paid bar. But for two other evenings and all lunches it will be on us to provide as it will be in the cottages. Any ideas on how to cut?
4. My dream dress is £3k. It's from a different culture. I have had my eye on it for 4 years. I cannot describe how much I want this dress. I have been unable to locate second hand. I know I will really regret not wearing it but I am also struggling to justify it given the cost and new budget. I will need multiple outfits but all the others will come to £500 total.
5. First night is stag/hen which is drinking games in teh cottages. Could we ask everyone attending to split the cost? It would be about £850 in alcohol and decoration we expect.

I have posted about this wedding before so you may recognise my post. I have slightly changed details in my delusional attempt at keeping anonymous.

Please help!

You'll be fine with a shop bought bouquet. Go to a florist and pick your own flowers, it'll cost about £50. Buy ribbons in your colours and ties them round after. Proper wedding bouquets have a massive heavy holder thing and mark up for being wedding but honestly no one will notice the difference.

It sucks, but you can't afford the dress. You can't wear a 4k dress having asked your family to chip in for the basics. I know it will raise eyebrows, but you can also research some of the other outfits. You can't ask groomsmen to pay for outfits not from their culture because they'll never wear them again. If they're white British, they'll just have to wear suits and embrace the fusion.

Aww I bet it's gorgeous.

It's hard if you have had your heart set on it for years

I hate to say it, but have you tried vinted? It won't be identical but worth a shot..I'm sure you've tried already

I know you said it’s normal for a wedding to be 3 days in your culture (I am Asian but not sure if we’re from the same culture), but you could cut this down to 2 days if you’re struggling with the budget (you said one day of these is the hen/stag do so you could forgo this or do it elsewhere for cheaper). Either get rid of all the bridesmaids and groomsmen or only have a couple of each. Bridesmaids shouldn’t have to pay for their dresses if the groomsmen get theirs paid for. You could ask guests contribute to the accommodation.

Decide colour scheme and buy bridesmaids dresses on Vinted. Different styles is fine as long as the colours complement each other. In fact if you have a really solid colour scheme you can do an awful lot on the cheap and it will still look fab.

Have the photographer for the actual marriage ceremony itself, and some shots immediately after. With that many people attending, they will all be taking hundreds of photos and video clips they can share with you, so ditch the videographer. Ask a friend to film the ceremony on their phone and get the celebrant's permission first.

How much have you been quoted for flowers, and how many bridesmaids are there and what ages? How many of you are having hair and make-up done?

Buy the dress and sell it on after if you cannot find one nearly the same but cheaper, or see if you can hire it. The Groomsmens' outfits could they be hired as well, with them carrying the cost. Or see if there is a cancelled order available somewhere.

No alcohol at the hen/stag do: Lime and soda, mocktails etc. If people want alcohol they can bring and share.

Alcohol supplied only at the main event, maybe just one bottle each of red/white/rose wine on each table, plus toast.

I went to a wedding 4 weeks ago where the bridesmaids wore their own dresses in one colour and their own shoes. Maybe only the bride and mothers have make up and hair done.

Bare in mind only the Bride and Groom are the participants, everyone else is only a spectator. If the Groom's side want something in particular then they have to pay for it. In a few years time it will be a lovely memory if there is no financial burden for anyone involved. It is you and your husband's day, no one else's.

@Sodontmindififallapart you're very kind. I have looked everywhere! Even looked at renting it. They sell second hand for about 3/5 of the price so I hoped I could buy second hand and then resell it on!

Is there time to cut some guests / bridesmaids and ushers? That will save most money.
Favours you can buy pens from Amazon with the wedding printed on for a few quid. Useful and easy to take back on a plane.
Food do a local pub, provide guests with a box of food.
Alcohol buy supermarkets when they have 25% off deals on wine.
Bridesmaids can buy their own dress as long as you just agree a colour or general style and they can get something they can use again. Or wear something they have.
No way do you need £4k worth of dress just because it’s by someone. You will regret it.

How many guests OP?

if it’s 3 days there needs to be at least one fully catered meal per day. You can ask close family to chip in to prepare so it’s not professionally provided, but you can’t invite people and make them sort themselves out for 3 meals a day. Also, in any culture I know of at least one meal is a real focal point for the wedding.

You can’t expect the wedding party to pay for their own outfits and not get them a gift. Incredibly rude. Unless they are all close enough to know exactly what has gone on with your parents. Maybe if they can afford if close friends would be happy to.

Definitely ditch the favours, and the videographer. Do you own hair and make up on all days.

You shouldn’t be paying for hen/stag dos. Your wedding parties need to sort that.

Any booze provides us just wine and beer, no spirits.

I made my bouquet from 3 different sets of supermarket flowers. Cut them shorter, tidied them up, bought some ribbon. A friend’s mum commented on how lovely they were in photos and she didn’t know I’d made the bouquet.

it doesn’t - your falling fowl to sunk cost theory thinking - That money is gone - it’s irrelevant whether you turn up or not

cancel and just have a private or small ceremony

you have listed cutting so much it would not be any fun for anyone

if the people are coming over just spend your time with them - get married privately before and have some quality time with them

I really don’t think you cancel all the things in list but the things you suggest apart from dress and photos - everybody will take photos on phones so your covered there

In my view you should cancel this half arsed attempt, it’s totally unfair to your guests

Just get married

Have a party in a central venue

@FettchYeSandbagges I have ditched all flowers as decoration but looked up boquets and £200 it seems. Says I need one for me and one for each bridesmaid! So I thought I could cut that altogether. Originally I was going to treat all bridesmaids and mothers to hair and makeup but now it's just me for just one day.

Don’t do this @dandiesc

You can’t afford this wedding

Don’t make it rubbish just cancel and rejig

@Drivingmissrangey max 25 people including us. We will need to provide and pay for all the food (we think?) but will ask for everyone's help cooking it.

Everyone is close enough to know the situation and is very kind. They're all our closest people. I would like this to feel amazing for everyone. Yeah I wouldn't want to cook at someone else's wedding but would I do it for a close friend or family, of course. And would probably enjoy it!

To those saying I can't cut bridesmaids gifts, what gifts would you recommend at what cost? When I was a bridesmaid (twice) once I got the gown and slippers which went straight to the charity shop and another I got a marks and Spencers necklace I have never worn and actually have no idea where it is! So I wouldn't want these things! The third time I didn't get a gift and never noticed but my dress was paid for and it's not something I would choose.

Also for a bridesmaid dress I have paid for one I was just told to buy one in lavender that was long.

I know this situation isn't ideal. I'm going to ignore all comments that are unhelpful. Trust me you can't make me feel more rubbish about this than I normally do.

Re drinks, at an ordinary one day wedding I'd expect wine with the meal, fizz for toasts and maybe drinks while photos are being done of the wedding party. I would expect to pay for all my own other drinks, particularly at a hen/stag party. (And drinking games the night before your wedding sounds like a bad idea.)

You probably won't save that much by doing your own flowers. However, M & S do wedding flower packages much cheaper than a florist.

How many bridesmaids/groomsmen are you committed to? I think asking them to buy their own dresses is an American habit but if you do then give a very wide brief. Will your friends/family mind if they know you're splashing out £3k for your own dress. Be VERY clear that you don't expect presents if people are subsidising your wedding.

Can you cut even one day? Tbh I think you should be starting with a blank sheet, put down costs already incurred then add the most basic needs (a wedding licence and officiant). Then price other 'must haves' and finally look at 'wants'. When you reach your budget you stop.

This

your guests will be very pissed off esp if they have travelled

it will look so rude for you to wear that dress after basically asking guests to chip in or not have basic refreshments

Is there one main country your guests are heading to the UK from?

Could you do any of the ceremony there? It might be more cost effective for flights, accomodation (or stay with fam)

Or if you need faux garlands of flowers just for decor ask your overseas family/friends to get them - they will be inexpensive and that could be part of their gift to you maybe

I’d say

• scrap the £3k dress and choose a cheaper alternative that’s not necessary
• do your own hair and makeup or ask friends/family to help
• catering, do a meal on the main wedding day the rest self catering in cottages just order regular stuff you do not need to do formal catering all the time that’s too much
• videos/photos - get friends and family to do those
• tell each guest you need £xxx from each one towards food and drink for the cottages
• favours don’t have to be expensive just do chocolates or something - maybe someone would do those as a gift?

alternatively postpone until you have the money 💰

I agree with cancelling. Save up and get what you want. This one will always feel half arsed.

Can you look at cheaper catering? Something like a hog roast (if you eat pork of course) is often much cheaper.

You really do need to feed people properly, even if it is cheaper options. Sadly it sounds like you can't do that and have the dress, so the dress will need to go.

Are people actually excepting you to provide all meals in the accommodation? Have you said you will be?

Would it help to look at it from the other perspective and work out what you must have in order of priority?

So that would be

1. Venue £4K because non refundable
2. Dress £3K because you would regret otherwise
3. Food £3.7K + because you cannot expect guests to entirely fund themselves (If you're thinking family style anyway for the rest you can say you don't expect presents but ask for guests to help with food etc).

then the rest if up for grabs. Personally I'd scrap flowers, bridesmaids and grooms outfits (get them to wear their own), but it depends how much you want the "look" of the thing. No one IMO cares that much about wedding favours.

Ditch the stag/hen do and do something cheaper at a different time.

Do you have a friend that can take some good quality "official" photos and then just rely on getting guests' pictures?

You definitely can’t cut all that you need to and wear a 4k
dress no way - the guests will have such grumps and be disgusted - I would

£23,000 is an obscene amount to spend!

You can’t expect bridesmaids and groomsmen to pay for their own. On your budget I would just not have them.

you definitely need to pay for one meal.

otherwise you don’t need flowers and cake. You can find a nice dress for 1k but I would keep hair and make up. I would forgo the photographer. You only need someone to take once nice photo - I barely look at them now.