How to cut wedding budget by £8k! Anyone good with trimming?

[dandiesc]

Which of these costs can we cut?

We were promised a contribution of £10k for our wedding from my parents but sadly their financial situation has changed and we couldn't have predicted it. The budget is currently £23k and I need to bring it down to £14/15k.

The venue is £4k without catering and is booked. Accommodation is also booked for all guests but we are asking our guests to help with that.

This is my list of things getting cut. I still need to cut more, but was wondering what you thought?

It's a 3 day wedding as it's multicultural plus one day of set up. Here is what we are thinking?

1. Videographer cut altogether
2. Photographer for first and last day
3. Hair and makeup for second day only
4. Bouquet (can I just tied together some £20 supermaket flowers?)
5. Bridesmaids dresses (is it rude to give them a colour and ask them to buy their own?
6. Groomsman outfits (its all a different culture so they won't have them)
7. Considering bringing photographer for only half of second day
8. All entertainers cut
9. Cut all gifts for groomsmen/bridesmaids
10. Cut wedding favours

Is it rude/will regret any of these?

Here is where we need extra help:

The main issue is food and alcohol. We are all staying in small self catering cottages. No-one lives nearby and most will be flying in.

1. Catering costs thousands of pounds. We were going to cater two meals professionally and have the rest cooked in the cottages family style where everyone takes turns. (summer wedding so can eat outside in UK hopefully). These two catered meals come to £3.7k total. Can we scrap these? it means no formal meal.
2. We still have to pay for 13 meals to be cooked in cottages family style any thoughts on these?
3. People expect to drink. On two evenings they will have access to a paid bar. But for two other evenings and all lunches it will be on us to provide as it will be in the cottages. Any ideas on how to cut?
4. My dream dress is £3k. It's from a different culture. I have had my eye on it for 4 years. I cannot describe how much I want this dress. I have been unable to locate second hand. I know I will really regret not wearing it but I am also struggling to justify it given the cost and new budget. I will need multiple outfits but all the others will come to £500 total.
5. First night is stag/hen which is drinking games in teh cottages. Could we ask everyone attending to split the cost? It would be about £850 in alcohol and decoration we expect.

I have posted about this wedding before so you may recognise my post. I have slightly changed details in my delusional attempt at keeping anonymous.

Please help!

Just put your message into chat gpt and it came back with the following of this helps too.

First things first — you’re not being “delusional,” you’re being realistic now. A £23k → £14–15k drop is big, but you’ve already identified most of the right pressure points. The key is this: protect what actually matters to you emotionally, and strip out everything that’s just “expected wedding stuff.”
Let’s go through this properly and decisively.
💸 What you’ve already suggested cutting — are they smart?

✅ Strong cuts (keep these)

Videographer – cut completely
You won’t miss it as much as you think. Photos carry the memory better long-term.
Wedding favours – cut
Guests forget them or leave them behind.
Gifts for bridesmaids/groomsmen – cut or go symbolic (£5–£10 max)
A handwritten note beats a £30 box they won’t use.
Entertainers – cut
Especially with a 3-day wedding — people are the entertainment.
👍 Sensible compromises

Photographer reduced coverage
✔ Keep for key moments only (ceremony + a short couple shoot + group photos)
❌ You don’t need full-day or multi-day coverage
Hair & makeup for one day only
Totally fine — no one notices beyond the main event
Bouquet – supermarket flowers (£20–£40)
Absolutely fine. Once tied well, no one knows the difference
(bonus: ask a bridesmaid to arrange them = meaningful + free)
💬 Social concerns (you’re overthinking these)

Bridesmaids buying their own dresses?
✔ Completely normal now
✔ Give a colour + vibe (e.g. “sage green, midi, floaty”)
✔ You can offer guidance but not control
→ Not rude at all
Groomsmen outfits
✔ Same rule applies — especially with cultural dress differences
✔ Just give clear expectations
🚨 Where your real money problem is

You already spotted it:
🍽️ Food + Alcohol = the budget killer

This is where you win or lose £5–8k.
🍽️ FOOD: what should you actually do?

Blunt truth:
👉 Scrapping ALL catering is risky and will feel chaotic, not charming
But…
👉 You absolutely don’t need TWO catered meals
Best balance:

Keep ONE proper catered meal (your main wedding day)
Scrap the second catered meal
Do high-quality DIY/shared meals for everything else
🥗 How to make DIY food actually work (without stress)

Instead of “everyone cooks” (which becomes messy), do this:
✔ Simplify to “low-effort group catering”

Costco / supermarket bulk platters
BBQ (huge win for summer UK wedding)
Big tray bakes / pasta dishes
Pre-prepared salads
✔ Assign roles (not turns)

Cottage 1 → breakfast
Cottage 2 → lunch
Cottage 3 → BBQ night
People prefer clear responsibility vs vague “we’ll all help”
💡 Cheapest crowd-feeding ideas:

BBQ (burgers, sausages, halloumi)
Big pasta + garlic bread
Chilli + rice
Curry + naan
Picnic platters
👉 You can feed people for £5–£8 per head instead of £25–£50
🍷 ALCOHOL: biggest savings opportunity

You cannot fully fund 3 days of drinking for everyone — and you shouldn’t.
✔ What’s acceptable (and normal now):

Paid bar for main nights ✔
Guests contributing ✔
Limited free alcohol ✔
💡 Smart alcohol strategy:

1. “Welcome drinks only”

Provide:
Prosecco
Beer
Soft drinks
→ Then switch to paid or BYOB

1. Bulk buy smart:

Aldi / Lidl for wine & prosecco
Costco for beer crates

1. Say this upfront (important):

“We’ll provide some drinks, but please feel free to bring your favourites for the weekend”
People EXPECT this for destination-style weddings.

1. Hen/stag night (£850)

👉 Yes — split it
Not rude. At all.
Say:
“We’re keeping things simple and splitting drinks for the first night”
👗 The dress (this is the big emotional decision)

Let’s be honest here.
You don’t want a dress.
You want that dress.
And you’ve wanted it for 4 years.
So here’s the grounded take:

You will not remember:
favours
extra meals
decorations
You will remember:
how you felt in your dress
✔ My advice:

👉 Keep the £3k dress — but make it your “non-negotiable”
Then cut harder elsewhere to compensate.
To justify it financially:

You need to “find” £3k by:
Cutting one catered meal (£1.8k–£2k saved)
Reducing alcohol spend (£500–£1k saved)
Cutting photography hours (£500–£1k saved)
👉 Done.
🔪 What I would cut NEXT (to hit £14–15k)

If I were you:
CUT or REDUCE:

❌ Second catered meal → save ~£1.8k+
❌ Full alcohol hosting → save £1k+
❌ Photographer full coverage → save £500–£1k
❌ Decorations beyond basics → save £300–£800
KEEP:

✔ Venue (£4k — already locked)
✔ ONE proper meal
✔ The dress
✔ Core photography (short coverage)
🧠 Final reality check

No one is attending your wedding thinking:
“I hope they provide 4 days of free alcohol and multiple catered meals”
They are thinking:
“This is a 3-day celebration, we’ll chip in and have fun”
💬 Bottom line

You’re not being rude.
You’re not cutting too much.
👉 You’re shifting from a “host everything” wedding
➡️ to a shared experience wedding
Which actually feels:
more relaxed
more intimate
and far less financially stressful
If you want, I can:
build you a revised £15k budget breakdown
or give you a script/message to guests so expectations land well (this is key)
Can you help me find the dress second hand seems gurjal dress
You’re actually in a really good position here — because that designer (I’m assuming you mean Seema Gujral) doescome up second-hand… just not in obvious places like normal bridal shops.
Let me show you what’s realistic 👇
👗 What second-hand options actually exist (right now)

Example pieces currently available

A pre-owned lehenga on eBay is listed around £1,400 (was £2.5k)
A resale platform like By Rotation has one available to buy for ~£980 (RRP £1,400)
A UK resale site like Nivaii shows pieces around £600 lightly worn
👉 Reality check:
You can save £1k–£2k+ vs buying new — but…
Sizes are limited
Styles won’t be exact
You need to move quickly when one appears
🧠 The truth about finding YOUR exact dress

This is the part most people don’t say clearly:
👉 Finding the exact dress you’ve wanted for 4 years second-hand is unlikely
(not impossible — just rare)
Why:
These dresses are often custom made
Brides keep them for sentimental reasons
When they do sell, they go fast in private groups
🔎 BEST places to search (this is where you’ll win)

1. Dedicated resale platforms (highest chance)

Stillwhite
👉 specifically lists this designer with discounts up to ~60%
Nivaii
👉 one of the best for UK-based desi bridal resale
By Rotation
👉 hidden gem — many sellers allow purchase after rental

1. High-success (but less obvious)

Facebook groups (this is HUGE):
“UK Asian Bridal Buy & Sell”
“Pakistani / Indian Bridal Resale UK”
👉 This is honestly where the best deals appear first

1. Backup options

eBay
Vinted (less common but worth alerts)
💡 Strategy (this is how you actually get one)

Don’t just “look” — hunt smartly:
✔ Set alerts

Search:
“Seema Gujral”
“bridal lehenga designer”
“mirror work lehenga”
✔ Be flexible on:

Colour (this saves thousands)
Slight style differences
Minor tailoring (most can be altered)
✔ Move FAST

If you hesitate → it’s gone
These dresses don’t sit around
🚨 Honest advice about YOUR situation

You said:
“I cannot describe how much I want this dress”
So here’s the grounded truth:
👉 If you find the exact one second-hand → AMAZING, buy immediately
👉 If you don’t…
You have 3 choices:
Keep searching and risk missing out
Compromise on a different dress
Buy it new and cut elsewhere
💬 My recommendation (based on everything you told me)

Do this:
Spend 2–4 weeks seriously hunting resale
Set alerts + join Facebook groups
Check daily
👉 If it appears → you win financially AND emotionally
👉 If it doesn’t →
Buy the dress new and don’t feel guilty
(just offset it by cutting catering/alcohol like we planned)
❤️ Final thing (important)

This isn’t just “a dress.”
It’s:
cultural
emotional
something you’ve pictured for years
That’s not the place to force a compromise unless you genuinely find something you love just as much.
If you want, send me:
a photo of the exact dress
I’ll:
hunt closer matches
find dupes
or track resale listings more precisely for you 👀

Here are my thoughts;

Cut the alcohol, guests can provide/ pay for their own - you could maybe give guests a list of drinks to each bring so you don’t double up and get rid of the paid bar!!!

Definitely wear the dress you want!

Get you guests to chip in for accommodation!

From you list this is what I would do;

1. Videographer cut altogether - I wouldn’t cut this
2. Photographer for first and last day - again I wouldn’t cut this
3. Hair and makeup for second day only - this depends on how confident you are doing it yourself
4. Bouquet (can I just tied together some £20 supermaket flowers?) - definitely get a professional to do your bouquet, my mum did my bridesmaids bouquets and the flowers went all brown half way through, professionals know how to keep them looking fresh all day
5. Bridesmaids dresses (is it rude to give them a colour and ask them to buy their own? - I would at least tell them which dress to buy so they all look the same
6. Groomsman outfits (its all a different culture so they won't have them)
7. Considering bringing photographer for only half of second day
8. All entertainers cut - swapping a band for a dj/ a music playlist is a very good option
9. Cut all gifts for groomsmen/bridesmaids - you could get something cheaper?
10. Cut wedding favours - get very cheap organza bags and fill them with sweets

After you’ve done all that top up the savings and then decide what to do about food and whether you can afford catering.

To me it seems silly to not have the dress you want, bridesmaids all looking the same and the photographer capturing the full event to pay for a free bar and accommodation for your guests. Definitely make sure you get the dress you want!

First of all you need to reframe your wedding in your own head first. The wedding in your head does not exist anymore - you need to let it go. You say you want to but not really grasping the nettle on this.

Different dress - from your list, this is the single most expensive item that will make the biggest difference and only affects you. You say this will be your biggest regret but you cannot afford this.

No videographer

Flowers - just bare minimum

Hair and makeup on just one day

Bridesmaids and groomsmen wear their own clothes or you give them £50 each with a colour way direction.

Buy alcohol when there are deals on at the supermarkets

First night in the cottages - everyone brings something to eat & or you get sandwich platters

Wedding day - catered meals

Day after BBQ & / or cook meals

You need to be clear with guests what the plans are in advance so their expectations are in check.

I was on your other thread. You had some good ideas on how to budget on food.

Is there a regular make up brand you wear? Maybe see if you can go to a store and have a lesson. Bare Minerals used to do this. The deal was lesson was free, if you went with their products. I’m not sure if others do this though.

Marks do decent cremant for £10 a bottle or as someone else said Majestic. Sainsbury and Tesco often have deals if you have their cards.

Id look to hire a lehenga. Or go cheaper alternative. Can you find someone to make one? The dress is so not worth the money.

I’ve not looked at my photos for years. Don’t bother with a photographer unless just for a few hours on the day if that’s what you want.

Get someone to put a music list together. No need for a DJ.

At the end of the day people are coming to see you get married. They won’t care what you wear, dance to, or photograph. They will care if there is enough food and drink!

In all conscience I couldn’t prioritise feeling like a princess in an expensive dress above my guests’ comfort and happiness. I would (and did, for my own wedding) get a less expensive dress and put them first.

I know it sounds counterintuitive but u agree that you’ll always regret it if you do t wear your dream dress. Even during covid when people had to have small weddings, wedding dress sales held because brides want to feel special on their wedding day. I had a similar dilemma, although much lower cost ie do I get the £1200 dress or £800 and I’m so glad I went with my dream dress, the others didn’t fit as well. Good idea by PP to see if you can get a dupe made or seek it in after. Seems there aren’t enough second hand ones as you couldn’t find one. But if you do that and your bridesmaids know the cis of the dress, you will have to pay for their dresses. You can get though street bridesmaid dresses.
it sounds like you will have one catered meal on day 2 and you have some good ideas for keeping the other meals reasonable in the cottages. Good luck OP! And when the wedding comes, just put all of this out of your mind and enjoy being with your family and friends. That’s what it’s all about.

I didn’t get the dream dress for my wedding many years ago. Do I “regret it?”, no because in the grand scheme of things it doesn’t matter! 30 years of marriage, 2DDs, many highs and lows, the dress on my wedding day made not a jot of difference to my life.

Priority must be your guests enjoyment not a dress.

Not sure if they have the type of bridesmaid dresses you need - but look on Shein, they have ever pretty bridesmaids dresses for around £30 each.

Also, fake flowers - I’ve made my flowers and displays from artificial flowers.

Look for second hand decor. As well as clothing. We’ve got all our groomsmen suits on Vinted. You can then sell them on again afterwards to make some money back.

Cut the videographer.
Also, see if you can find a student photographer for the “less important” days who will be happy to do it for a much cheaper price for a practice. (But obviously this could be a risk, though could be amazing!). This could go for other areas too - musicians, hair and make up etc (though also be aware of any potential scams).

Ask everyone to bring a bottle each.

Do pizza night one evening.

Obviously the dress is an obvious one to cut, but as someone who has just done my own wedding dress shopping, I understand that’s a difficult compromise when you have your heart set on one! There are places you can get very good replicas made at a fraction of the price.

definitely cut wedding favours. Many people do now even with an extravagant wedding. They mostly get left behind and thrown out.

But at least on the main day, try not to put your guests to work. A very good friend had me do her wedding photography for her and it was really miserable for me. I’m sure people would be happy to help out with the odd thing, but not whole catering or anything too stressful!

Hi OP, I think some posters here are being a bit unnecessarily judgy about the dress- I totally get that there are beautiful budget options out there too which are certainly worth considering, but when you feel you have found ‘the one’ it is really difficult to get past that, and I completely relate to your thinking that you would feel like something was missing if you didn’t have it. I agree with the principle that it’s not ideal to economise on guest experience and then have a v expensive dress for yourself, but: a) I don’t think it has to be an either/or- the really crucial thing for guests is that there’s enough nice food and a decent bit of free booze, which I think is do-able on your budget even after the dress, and b) I really don’t think most of your guests will actually know the cost of your dress unless you advertise the fact. For all they will know, you could have bought it second hand/rented it etc, and you could always say that you had done if anyone is rude or interfering enough to ask how much it cost? Also, I could easily have sold my dress after our wedding, and despite being a huge white/lacy meringue with a long train it is pristine after being professionally cleaned. It is just a case of being careful while eating, and getting a short/cheaper evening dress you change into as soon as the first dance is over and before getting too drunk- highly recommend doing this! It could just be the same dress you buy for your hen night to save on costs.

For everyone who is pointing out the outfits available to rent, although I could be wrong on this (being White British myself) it’s possible that these are all more wedding guest/bridesmaid designs vs bridal ones, which may look odd on OP as the bride in the same way it would be v unusual for a White British bride to turn up to her own wedding in a pink floral frock and big hat/fascinator? I don’t know if we can pass judgement on that one unless we’re familiar with OP’s culture and relevant wedding traditions.

My wedding wasn’t exactly like yours (1 day affair, marquee in my mum and dad’s garden), but similarly was quite DIY in style. Our budget was probably double yours in 2023, but then we did have 3-4x as many guests so probably roughly cancels out! Things we economised on, none of which I regret, were:

-No band/DJ/entertainers- We used high quality speakers belonging to a relative instead and made an Apple Music playlist having asked our guests to suggest their favourite songs- it honestly worked brilliantly and the dance floor was full all night. In terms of entertainment, a relative did sing for free, but we really didn’t feel like we needed any beyond that- our guests were all happy mingling, because they did have a good amount of canapés/drinks, comfy seating and a nice meal and later tea/coffee to keep them going 🙂

-Bridesmaid/groomsman outfits- As PPs have suggested, we just asked groomsmen to wear white shirts/dark suits (navy if possible) that they had already, and bought them matching ties. You really couldn’t tell that the suits were different and I think they were happier in their own clothes anyway tbh! I do think bridesmaids dresses should really be bought by the bride unless you’re happy for them to choose their own or wear something they have already, but I bought these on Shein to save money. I know there are many ethical/quality issues surrounding Shein, so don’t buy from them normally, but on this occasion they did save my bacon! Their bridesmaids dresses come in a selection of nice/typical colours (sage green, rose pink, cornflower blue, etc) and in a big variety of 15-20+ different styles. I had 4 bridesmaids each with different styles/body types- I chose the colour I wanted and asked each of them to pick a dress in that shade but their preferred style, which I ordered for them. They wore their own shoes (of their choosing) to save money, and had the choice of doing their own hair and makeup or paying to have it done by my MUA/hair stylist. I did get them a gift each, but as PPs say, this could be sentimental (e.g. a framed photo, meaningful book, letter/card) vs anything expensive.

-Cake- Our cake was from Lola’s rather than a specialist wedding cake maker, which worked out a lot cheaper. Still tasted great and v much looked professionally made!

-Decor- We decorated the house/marquee with a load of artificial peony and rose garlands, again from Shein- they looked much more expensive than they were and we got lots of compliments on them.

-No wedding favours- I don’t think anyone noticed/cared.

I did go to a florist for my bouquet, bridesmaids’ ones and a floral display- however, these would have been next to go had I been working with a tighter budget and I would still have had an equally wonderful day with artificial/supermarket ones.

I have to disagree with people saying to ditch the photographer- I think it would be fine to have them just for your main wedding day vs all 3 days, but I would have really regretted not having professional pics from our wedding. We made a Google album and left QR codes everywhere for guests to upload their own photos to it, but still found that a lot of people didn’t get round to it unfortunately, despite snapping away throughout the day and us making it v clear we really wanted all the pictures sent to us! And we had c 80 guests- obviously with only 25, the pool of people who might take nice photos for you is smaller.

We also have some friends/relatives with nice cameras who brought them along, but none of these pics are as good as the professional ones, even due to silly reasons like people all looking in different directions in the group shots. Professional photographers are much better at organising people, adding focus, thinking about angles/levels than amateur photographers. And taking lovely pics of your own family/kids is very different (and more straightforward) than photographing a wedding.

We also did have professional caterers do our main meal and evening food, which felt well worth it. They also ran a bar (alongside us providing guests with 2 welcome drinks, table wine and toasting Prosecco) which was great as cocktails etc were so cheap there compared to what you would pay at a typical wedding venue, which really meant everyone let their hair down and got into the party. I think DIY family sharing sounds great for the other days, but could be tricky on your wedding day- nobody will want to be thinking about oven timings, getting food out, washing up etc while all dressed up in wedding guest outfits and missing the celebration. You’d really need to decide who’d supervise/manage the whole thing, or it would probably end up being you, which would be a bit miserable! A BBQ or similar the day after, with everyone in casual outfits and mucking in, would be a totally different proposition and would work well!

Do you know anyone who can make the cake for you? I've made wedding cakes for friends and yes, it costs a lot to make, but I made it my wedding gift to them. So the cake was free for them.

Even during covid when people had to have small weddings, wedding dress sales held because brides want to feel special on their wedding day.

Wedding dress sales held during Covid because people suddenly had huge proportions of their budget that they would have spent on catering for a lot more guests, freed up so not only could they go with the dress they wanted, they could actually choose a more expensive dress.

OP has the opposite issue, that her budget has been cut and she still wants the expensive dress (which was already a large part of her original budget).

Had a brainwave
would a student like to do your wedding bits for their portfolio?
eg hair & makeup
photos and videos
favours - creative arts
catering students - good and cake

this could solve a problem maybe?

A wise friend told me when I was getting married re choosing between an expensive dress and a cheaper dress is what the difference in price could afford you to do at the wedding.

I went for a cheaper dress, which was still beautiful, and put a free bar on. All the guests had a much better time

@dandiesc sorry op xo MN can be brutal at times these days. I've been around a while since my PFB and the vibe has changed in the last few years

Also had a thought. Again not sure of the specifics of your cultural and country etc but you can perhaps send extended fam off to do some virtual shopping for you, depending on where you're side are coming from you could show the tailor your dream dress, they can (especially with pressure!) make one quite similar, with your measurements-you'd have to measure yourself at home and send the measurements. It would come in quite a bit cheaper potentially. They could just video call you during the appointment - or even fly over yourself and so some wedding shopping, it's quite cost effective.

In the end a wedding day is one day. It’s your marriage that will be important - not what you wear

wearing a £4k dress once is insane. When you can’t afford it

a friend said to me that her dad would pay either for a posh wedding. Or towards a deposit for a house

she choose a house

she still had a lovely wedding but also has a home

I don’t know what your behind the scenes financial history is

but what has your fiance said about cutting the budget and what to lose /reduce @dandiesc

is he still happy to spend so much of reduced budget on a dress you will wear once

With max of 25 at the wedding, 1 bridesmaid & 1 bestman is enough. Yourselvesfor, both sets of parents, bestman & 1 bridesmaid is already near 1/3 of the people at the wedding.
Then you only need to buy or hopefully rent outfits for 2 others as well as yourself & groom.
I went to a small wedding once, were there was more people in the wedding party than other guests. The top table was longer than the 2 other tables combined.
You mentioned that everyone going knows the situation. So if you have already asked others to be bridesmaids & groomsmen, they are bound to understand, the need now for a smaller wedding party.
Spend as much money as possible on food & drink.
Ask everyone to bring wine/ beer for themselves on the 1st and 3rd day.
Definitely have 1 catered meal along with drinks.
For other dinners/ lunches, have designated people in charge of these. Otherwise you might end up spending a lot of the time sorting out the meals.

Don't have photographer even for 1/2 day.

I had a similar type of small wedding over 3 days, abroad. If I listened to some of the comments on this thread I wouldn’t have had a wedding, either. I’d have had to cancel it or have a wedding I didn’t want in a little village hall instead of my multi-day fairytale wedding in a castle, in my expensive designer wedding dress.

I know, I’m such a self-involved villain. Oh how my guests must have hated – oh wait no they didn’t, and we even had our wedding featured on a prestigious wedding website, because our wedding was so much nicer and more enjoyable than a lot of weddings that were more traditional and where far more was spent. I’ve had most of my guests say it was the best wedding they ever went to, besides their own, and I’ve been asked if we’d consider doing it again for a big wedding anniversary, because everyone enjoyed going away on holiday together to a place they’d never normally get to visit and having a party.

It was over 6 years ago now, but we had double your number of guests and it came to about 10K in the end. We were saving towards a house and I really enjoyed finding ways to cut down on costs while still spending more on some elements. Often, the less expensive things we did ended up looking better or being more enjoyable because it was different or more personal.

My top advice is to remember you don’t have to follow other people’s rules or traditions. Prioritise what matters most to you and your future husband, and consider what your own actual close friends and family will care most about in terms of guest experience. That matters a lot more than what uninvited people outside your close circle would consider traditional or appropriate, because this wedding is not for or about anyone else but you, your future husband, and actual guests. If in doubt, talk to them. Ask if they care about gifts, buying their own bridesmaids dresses etc. If they are your closest people they should be people you can trust to be honest with you.

For example, I wasn’t originally going to get the wedding dress I wanted. For me, it was also THE dress and the only one I’d seen that felt like me, but I was going to wear a non-wedding dress costing under £100, to save money. My mum, other family and friends were horrified. They told me that I couldn’t do that. I was told they’d be upset and offended if I wore a cheap dress I didn’t really love, and that part of the wedding they were most looking forward to was seeing the me dressed up, feeling special and beautiful. They didn’t care about spending money on accommodation or if there was live entertainment, but my dress being what I wanted and of a certain quality mattered to them in a way I found almost comically passionate. Even some my male relatives and friends had strong opinions about it in a way I had never known them to previously about a woman’s clothes.

For my family and friends, the dress was part of what made a wedding a wedding, but I also realised some of the reaction was because these were the people who loved me best, and they were going to the wedding to see me and my husband being happy. They didn’t want us to sacrifice the things really special to us to slightly improve aspects of their experience they actually didn’t care as much about, but I wouldn’t have known what they were if I didn’t consult the people actually involved, and one of the best parts of having a smaller wedding was how personalised we could make it. For example, it was really important to our parents that we had champaign for toasts. It did not matter to our friends, who did not like champaign, but for our parents it was a big deal, so we ensured they and the older relatives had champaign as well as the wedding party, but not the rest of the guests, who didn’t like it. We asked them their drink/food preferences and only bought what people actually liked. It helped with costs but also gave a better experience to our guests.

My granddaughter bought an M&S plain cake and decorated it with flowers. It looked very professional!

Thoughtful post with great advice

@Helpfullilly with all due respect it sounds like you just ended up with spending less and had what you wanted - I’m sure everyone wishes that and wishes your wedding well - none would be saying don’t

However OP is struggling to feed her guests or have the dress she wants - she doesn’t sound anyway near able to see her wedding differently - she isn’t having the wedding she choose

yours was just an explanation of something that fitted the bill and worked out

2 really important things to remember: 1 while your wedding day is obviously important, it's just the first day of your married life and all the days that follow are also important. 2 the absolutely best thing is having all your favourite people together to hear you make those promises to each other. The rest is just trimmings really.

We had a fairly big wedding but were on a budget. Lots of people assumed we'd spent far more than we had, which makes me think we cut in the right places.

We focused on feeding and entertaining everyone well. So spent on food drink and a jazz band to play during drinks and the meal.

Can you move the stag/hen to a few weeks before and keep it lower key? Night out nearer home? Then everyone can pay for themselves.

As it's a small wedding, do you really need loads of bridesmaids and ushers? Chief bridesmaid and best man would surely be enough? I bought my bridesmaids evening dresses in the sales.

We had no cars, no favours, no cake. Very simple flowers.

I took a friend who's good at makeup to my favourite makeup counter and she watched the woman make me up - she did my makeup on the day. I did pay for a hairdresser but we went to the salon, which I think was cheaper than having them come to us.

Definitely ditch the videographer but try and have a few professional photos I'd say.

For my last big birthday I had a caterer provide food that we served ourselves. 2 types of tagine, jewelled couscous, a couple of interesting salads, homemade flatbreads, labneh. Was about £300 for 15 people. Would something like that work for one of the days?

You could also look into hiring a private chef - sounds fancy but for 25 people that might actually work out cheaper than caterers.

Cultural or not I think in this scenario I'd be cutting it down to one day. One decent day with everything you want instead of 3 days of cost cutting bare basics...