How to deal with the shame of not working

[catphone]

I am autistic with hyper mobility and an auditory processing disorder and likely have CPTSD. I get stress induced migraines, stomach issues that cause me to faint and inflammation. My periods are extremely painful. I also get emotionally dysregulated regularly. My sleep is terrible and I am prone to burn out. I can usually just about manage the basics but anything more than that and I start to malfunction and my autistic symptoms become more pronounced. I need to live a very simple life with next to no stress (which isn’t realistic). This year I want to focus on my mental wellbeing. I don’t know if I’ve just been through too much in life to ever work.
I volunteer online but even that is too much. If I had any sort of job I would burn out.
I know that everyone has problems but I don’t know how I could work. I feel ashamed that I can’t. I don’t know if I’m making excuses because others seem to manage somehow.
I’ve had judgement from well meaning neighbours who are otherwise very nice that I don’t work and how I must have a lot of spare time. Another person (unrelated) said my whole life is spare time.He had a suspected heart attack the other month, collapsed, and it turned out to be something else but he was still back to work shortly after spending days in hospital. I see what he’s saying but he doesn’t know that my life is a bit like living with an illness most of the time. I’m not sure how realistic this is but I’m worried I will have to work at some point because of the unsustainable rise in autism cases and they might make it impossible to claim for if most people have it. I have terrible anxiety about this in particular it feels like it’s just a matter of time and I feel a sense of doom

@catphone honestly focus on getting well. And maybe write about your experiences. I am sure others would find them helpful. As I say look into self publishing in the future if not now. 🙂

Try looking on here?

www.autism.org.uk/autism-services-directory

I was thinking about doing something like that but it would take a lot of time. It can just be a hobby. I write creatively currently but its private and in a journal

@catphone
Mull it over. And you are writing. Look into the options. Costs nothing. No pressure. 🙂

There is a lot of money being put in to NHS services at the moment to decrease waiting times for assessment and to develop and extend therapy services. There are autism charities which have some counselling available. And there are counsellors and therapists who have expertise who offer reasonable rates. OP mentioned talking therapy did not work so has clearly been able to access it. Without more information it is not possible to say why it was not helpful. Could have been the wrong type, the wrong person - both of these things are fixable. could be that OP went in with a very fixed idea or position - also fixable.

@catphone , do you want to work? If so seek out help to do so. If you can work at all you should, back in the day when there was no acknowledgment of your ‘diagnosis’ people had to. Kindly I suggest your mental health would improve with a purpose in your life and social interaction.

Do you feel this way about all disabilities or just some?

Talking therapy isnt suitable for me because I have an auditory processing disorder and need longer to absorb information. I found talking therapy exhausting for that reason.
They were supposed to be autism accessible, but they used a lot of eye contact, asked broad questions, and just generally made me uncomfortable. I think a lot of places don't really understand how to interact with an autistic person.
I'm finding art therapy the most useful, but I only recently began it and it's free on YouTube.
I only got a certain number of sessions, and after that I was expected to pay, and I couldn't afford it. They wanted the equivalent of half of my disability payment. I wouldnt have even if I could afford it because I didnt find it helpful

The OP asked for people's capabilities and specially asked to share HOW they did it.

Sorry if that's not what you want to hear.. but the point of this whole thread is to share your experiences. So no, it's not 'total fucking bullshit.' Please don't minimise what I have gone through and still do. Stop racing to the bottom. Being ND doesn't exempt you from being lazy. Laziness and ND can overlap.

But I think you need to calm down and stop being offended by something what wasn't meant for you.

I will eventually

Why should the state support anyone? Maybe we should euthanise people who don’t economically contribute to society. Hitler had the right idea, eh?

<rolls eyes>

Nothing where I live.

Yeah there's nothing where I live either there's actually only one place locally that deals with mental health and thats the place that I tried and it was unsuitable so I need to rely on the internet

@catphone is it a just I should? According to other people?

You can only do one thing at a time. You're doing step one. Thinking about it. That is ok. You have challenges others don't. So maybe list your challenges and think of work which might fit in with your abilities and then think of how you would get that work.

You have thought about writing. Which can be very flexible. So in the meantime just write. Save the material. And read up in how you could turn your writing into a career.

Talking therapy isnt suitable for me because I have an auditory processing disorder and need longer to absorb information. I found talking therapy exhausting for that reason.

There are text based services which may suit you better. There are always adjustments that can be made, But if art therapy is working, great. But at some point you will have to face discomfort or challenging changes, there is no way around that unfortunately, and having support from someone who understands autism would be invaluable then. Relate has services in some areas and they were pretty good near me.

This is meant to be helpful and show how I approached a similar situation, so please read it in that context.

Talking therapy isnt suitable for me because I have an auditory processing disorder and need longer to absorb information.

Then find a therapist who will give you that extra time you need.

I also have an auditory processing disorder and need more time; it is not necessarily a barrier to talking therapy with the right person.

They were supposed to be autism accessible, but they used a lot of eye contact

No idea whether my therapist used eye contact or not as I don’t think I ever looked at her - I don’t do eye contact. Looking at therapists isn’t compulsory.

asked broad questions

Say you don’t understand what they mean / say you’re not good with open questions. A decent therapist will amend their questions.

and just generally made me uncomfortable

So try a different one until you find a good fit.

Action for Neurodiversity
https://www.actionforneurodiversity.org/

Kindly literally put your coat on and walk.

well I've listed my struggles throughout the thread if you want to read them

Because of the law?

I know I have certain human rights not to work and get disability payment. But I still feel ashamed/guilty for being disabled and not knowing how to manage if others can. It feels even worse that there are comments here saying that I should be managing but I just dont know how to sustain it. My mental health has been better in the past so I know it can improve but there's so many obstacles in life and it's so easy to stop coping. Life just feels too overwhelming. If I could work it would be in the distant future because I need to work on my mental health again. I do think I can improve dont know how to deal with the shame I feel or judgement from others including in real life. I judge myself enough. Right now I need my energy for the basics.

@catphone mental health issues are genuine health issues! The government doesn't just hand out benefit payments to anyone!

So...work on what will make you feel better or at least more ok. And on what you enjoy.

What do you like doing?

I can't work. It suits me not to work because if I did work I wouldn't have the energy to look after myself and I would burn out. Even if I manage to improve my mental health enough to work one day, I don't know how to sustain that. I was partly asking for advice on how others manage to sustain their jobs with the same disabilities. But ultimately how to deal with the shame of not being able to work now as its a terrible stigma and I face judgement from neighbours and it's just not very nice.

@catphone with regard to your neighbours do you have to engage? What about you say you are working towards something? Is there an online course you might like doing? You'd be a student then. 😉