How to deal with the shame of not working

[catphone]

I am autistic with hyper mobility and an auditory processing disorder and likely have CPTSD. I get stress induced migraines, stomach issues that cause me to faint and inflammation. My periods are extremely painful. I also get emotionally dysregulated regularly. My sleep is terrible and I am prone to burn out. I can usually just about manage the basics but anything more than that and I start to malfunction and my autistic symptoms become more pronounced. I need to live a very simple life with next to no stress (which isn’t realistic). This year I want to focus on my mental wellbeing. I don’t know if I’ve just been through too much in life to ever work.
I volunteer online but even that is too much. If I had any sort of job I would burn out.
I know that everyone has problems but I don’t know how I could work. I feel ashamed that I can’t. I don’t know if I’m making excuses because others seem to manage somehow.
I’ve had judgement from well meaning neighbours who are otherwise very nice that I don’t work and how I must have a lot of spare time. Another person (unrelated) said my whole life is spare time.He had a suspected heart attack the other month, collapsed, and it turned out to be something else but he was still back to work shortly after spending days in hospital. I see what he’s saying but he doesn’t know that my life is a bit like living with an illness most of the time. I’m not sure how realistic this is but I’m worried I will have to work at some point because of the unsustainable rise in autism cases and they might make it impossible to claim for if most people have it. I have terrible anxiety about this in particular it feels like it’s just a matter of time and I feel a sense of doom

Sorry for re-quoting but 100% this.

that particular poster invalidated the way my diagnoses effects me by using their own diagnoses to prove their point (even though their diagnoses effects them differently).
If they hadn’t of done that then the education physiologist wouldn’t have replied with “bully for you”.
it was an appropriate response and if that’s what you’re picking at then you’re trying to shut them down for your own agenda.

I’m quite sure if someone on this thread had said “bully for you” to you, you would have taken great exception.

I think you just have fixated views and your own agenda to be honest

I don't think it's ableist to suggest that if this thread is causing you so much stress that you can't eat to then just put the phone down.

@Alucard55, moot point if someone has difficulty with hyper focus...you can suggest but don't berate them if it doesn't happen. It would be like telling me to just get up and walk with a broken leg! Might be able to hobble about with crutches but I couldn't exactly go striding about so easily.

But I think the op has shown a great deal of restraint in having breaks from this thread. 🙂

@catphone pleased you realise not all of these comments are exactly fair and hope you have a good day. Have you got anything enjoyable planned?

Think you’re the one with the fixated ideas.
Have a nice day.

sorry first sentence in the last post was quoting @Alucard55.

if You actually wanted me to have a nice day then you wouldn’t be inconsiderate and ableist

☝️

It was my way of saying I’m out of this thread.

Yesterday I assembled my raised beds and they’re a lot smaller than I thought. Two together is a good size. I’ll be getting more to fill more space. I also assembled a low raised grow tunnel thing, not massive luckily, and it’s flown away in the wind over night so I need to go and catch it before it does damage. My seeds have also just arrived.
I’ll be reading soon and now the snow has largely melted it might be safe to go for a walk around.

No the OP just needs to ask for the thread to be deleted. Very simple.

So you can shut down the supportive conversation? In your dreams.

No I don't dream of shutting down supportive conversations at all. But considering you have said this thread is causing you so much stress it has caused you not to eat it's a wonder you don't shut it down yourself.

I have offered kind and considerate advice at the beginning of this thread and when you spoke of living with anxiety I really did feel for you. A lot of people have offered kind advice but fundamentally you come across as unwilling and unreceptive. For one that feels so much shame at not working and being judged by others you can't half argue your corner (I'm sure someone will pop up to tell me you have to do so as the world keeps attacking you).

You do have some agency in life and I'll suggest again that you don't keep coming back to something that is stressful for you.

There lies your problem.

Yesterday I assembled my raised beds and they’re a lot smaller than I thought. Two together is a good size. I’ll be getting more to fill more space. I also assembled a low raised grow tunnel thing, not massive luckily, and it’s flown away in the wind over night so I need to go and catch it before it does damage. My seeds have also just arrived.
I’ll be reading soon and now the snow has largely melted it might be safe to go for a walk around.

@catphone, that sounds great. 👍 Sounds like you'll be becoming a bit of a garden expert if you carry on. 🙂 A nice walk will blow the cobwebs away too.

I just don’t want to listen to someone who keeps implying I could be working right now and am choosing not to or someone with that agenda.
my thread doesn’t read “I feel shame because I should be working and am not” it reads “I feel shame because I can’t”.

Why don’t you?

Because this thread isn't causing me to be so stressed that I can't eat.

It’s causing you an awful lot of disapproving outrage. It’s not healthy to let what strangers on the internet do with their lives have this much influence over your emotional state. You can step away. You do have some agency you know. 🧐

Excellent advice couldn't agree more!

Great! Off you go then.

If everyone used their vastly superior willpower and personal agency to drop the rope and stop provoking the OP, none of this would be a problem for anyone.

They re not provoking the OP, they are merely advising the OP what to do.