How to deal with the shame of not working

[catphone]

I am autistic with hyper mobility and an auditory processing disorder and likely have CPTSD. I get stress induced migraines, stomach issues that cause me to faint and inflammation. My periods are extremely painful. I also get emotionally dysregulated regularly. My sleep is terrible and I am prone to burn out. I can usually just about manage the basics but anything more than that and I start to malfunction and my autistic symptoms become more pronounced. I need to live a very simple life with next to no stress (which isn’t realistic). This year I want to focus on my mental wellbeing. I don’t know if I’ve just been through too much in life to ever work.
I volunteer online but even that is too much. If I had any sort of job I would burn out.
I know that everyone has problems but I don’t know how I could work. I feel ashamed that I can’t. I don’t know if I’m making excuses because others seem to manage somehow.
I’ve had judgement from well meaning neighbours who are otherwise very nice that I don’t work and how I must have a lot of spare time. Another person (unrelated) said my whole life is spare time.He had a suspected heart attack the other month, collapsed, and it turned out to be something else but he was still back to work shortly after spending days in hospital. I see what he’s saying but he doesn’t know that my life is a bit like living with an illness most of the time. I’m not sure how realistic this is but I’m worried I will have to work at some point because of the unsustainable rise in autism cases and they might make it impossible to claim for if most people have it. I have terrible anxiety about this in particular it feels like it’s just a matter of time and I feel a sense of doom

Yes I’ll do that soon just so I can keep things in mind

I had to go to MR to get enhanced mobility and I have crutches and am bent double when I'm walking. I can't walk the length of myself. I can't mobilise in my home without holding on to things. I have perching stools. I have grabbers to get stuff if it falls and a bath board to get in and out of the shower because I can't get my leg over the bath. I have an assistance dog to help me. I can't stand to prepare food.

I'm off my face on painkillers, often. Prescribed ones, up to and including morphine. I have antispasmodics, and nerve painkillers and anti-inflammatories that are prescription only. And standard painkillers, prescription. I also have anti anxiety and antidepressant medication. Prescription, not bought over the counter.

I didn't get mobility first time out of the gates, I had to go to Mandatory Reconsideration.

It's very very hard to get enhanced mobility.

And I only get low rate care - even though I have aids to help me and help from family.

From what you are saying OP I think it is unlikely that you will be awarded at high rates for both elements of PIP.

For the record, I also work.

For the record, I don't want an explanation of how people manage to work. The OP does and I was just trying to be supportive. Since it's a very individual thing, it's impossible to apply one's own situation to hers and advise her. Nobody is saying your life is easy.
It sounds like you're having a really tough go of it and I'm sorry.
I have not seen a single post here that claims people who work even though they are ill have it easy. I'm not sure where you're getting that from.
It shouldn't be a contest as to who has it the hardest or easiest.

I had input from my GP, multiple specialists, my occupational therapist and my physio.

It is very hard to be awarded PIP and just the having of a condition, like EDS, isn't enough to be awarded.

I'm sorry that's the case, I don't think it's right, and I had lies written about me in my first report by the assessor, but that's the rules as they currently are.

It is a race to the bottom on this thread to see how much of one's health, energy, and time one can sacrifice to the gods of capitalism to be a good little worker bee and make profit for the bosses, hiding behind a figleaf of "work is good for you" absolutism. Work is good for some people, but there are some people that work is not good for and that's OK.

Well said @selffellatingouroborosofhate

Herbals usually aren't strong enough for severe anxiety, and I say that as a person who practices and believes in herbal medicine. I hope you can get the right meds for it.

If you're going to laughably play internet doctor and diagnose people you've never met, it would be helpful if you knew the right word for what you're talking about.

I’m not sure that I’ll come to mumsnet for support over it when you’re stalking about.
not very Christian of you to try and bully me.

I see you keep refusing to take my explanations for an answer, and all I can do is keep correcting you until mumsnet remove you.
I do Pilates, mediation, beginners cardio, and 10k steps. The amount I can do varies. I’m not always able to do it. I was told to do all of these things when I can manage them by the various professionals that have and do work with me.
I don’t have a grandchild. I changed certain details because I post a lot of information to mumsnet. That is allowed. And I’m glad I did because you’re a stalker

I look forward to seeing you get removed.
and I will be name changing in future so that you can’t keep trying to stalk and harass me.

Edited. Posted by mistake.

Hi Op,

Now we know about the tribunal. Are you worried that you might need to go back to work if the tribunal deems you fit for work rather than increase your income? Is that way you started this thread?

I’m sure that most people aren’t a stalker like you nor care about me changing details to maintain my privacy

It’s not okay when they can but don’t and expect everyone else to pay for them

No I’m going to be a lot more careful going forward. I haven’t experienced being stalked before online. That’s a new one

This feels like attention seeking nonsense now, especially reading through your other threads, but you'll probably accuse everyone of being a stalker for pointing this out.

You're not being stalked, you're being held accountable. There's a difference.