How to deal with the shame of not working

[catphone]

I am autistic with hyper mobility and an auditory processing disorder and likely have CPTSD. I get stress induced migraines, stomach issues that cause me to faint and inflammation. My periods are extremely painful. I also get emotionally dysregulated regularly. My sleep is terrible and I am prone to burn out. I can usually just about manage the basics but anything more than that and I start to malfunction and my autistic symptoms become more pronounced. I need to live a very simple life with next to no stress (which isn’t realistic). This year I want to focus on my mental wellbeing. I don’t know if I’ve just been through too much in life to ever work.
I volunteer online but even that is too much. If I had any sort of job I would burn out.
I know that everyone has problems but I don’t know how I could work. I feel ashamed that I can’t. I don’t know if I’m making excuses because others seem to manage somehow.
I’ve had judgement from well meaning neighbours who are otherwise very nice that I don’t work and how I must have a lot of spare time. Another person (unrelated) said my whole life is spare time.He had a suspected heart attack the other month, collapsed, and it turned out to be something else but he was still back to work shortly after spending days in hospital. I see what he’s saying but he doesn’t know that my life is a bit like living with an illness most of the time. I’m not sure how realistic this is but I’m worried I will have to work at some point because of the unsustainable rise in autism cases and they might make it impossible to claim for if most people have it. I have terrible anxiety about this in particular it feels like it’s just a matter of time and I feel a sense of doom

I didn’t lose enhanced rate. I never had enhanced rate to begin with. I feel I’m entitled to enhanced rate according to their own criteria and I am going to tribunal to try and get it

I think you should re-read the post I made that you’re referring to about the tribunal if you’re that bothered, because I never said I don’t know what the tribunal is for.

You manage to get your money sorted ok, you can manage your child, you could work from home.

If you have an issue then report me. If mumsnet then have a problem I can explain it to them. I think changing a few details that could identify me is acceptable. your comment about the tribunal isn’t true as I explain in the OP of the thread you’re referring to that I am going to tribunal because I don’t agree with the rate that I’m getting.
I am diagnosed with hypermobility. I could get enhanced rate for that alone. A lot of decisions are over turned.

If you're doing 10,000 steps a day, you're unlikely to get much for the moving around descriptor on the pip form.

I haven’t been diagnosed with anything besides IBS that could explain the extreme stomach issues and the fainting

The rate you get isn't about your diagnosis, it's about the affect it has on you. How it affects you and what you're able to do.

I am diagnosed with hypermobility. I could get enhanced rate for that alone. A lot of decisions are over turned.

Depends if it means you can’t walk the required distance, which if you’re doing 10,000 steps a day you would definitely walk more than 200m

Well the op can do quite a lot it seems

I think OP no matter what advice is given will find a way to avoid work, old enough for a grandchild, diagnosed as a child with autism? never worked a day yet has never sought medical help until recently for any of her myriad of conditions.
There's no helping someone who has made their mind up not to work.
None of what OP claims to have is a barrier to work.

@sparkorstill

But regardless of tribunals the op in this thread is open to exploring the possibility of work. As well as mentally trying to deal with her current situation, mental and physical health issues plus other people's judgment.

It's not an insubstantial undertaking. The problems are not necessarily unsurmountable and the op has made some very positive steps towards tacking them. She can only do this one step at a time. Disabilities cannot just be solved with the wave of a magic wand! Hence people are legally entitled to financial and practical support!

It sounds like you should be on he low rate op.

The professionals that work with me, including my GP, pyshiotherapist, social workers, even my tutor, are all aware of my circumstances and are ok with it and encourage me to do things for my wellbeing.
there are times I can’t think or focus and shut down, and don’t have the mental energy for a hobby or to look after myself. I can’t consistently do everything. There are days I can’t function and it is really easy to push myself into that state. That’s really common in autism. I can’t consistently exercise or look after myself either. It’s all something that I aim for and do if I can.
I get help with my child and dog.
For some reason, some people seem to think they know more than the professionals that work with me.

It doesn't make sense and it's wanton cruelty.
There is no evidence to suggest any of those accusations have a basis. The haters are just trolling, taking their disappointments about their own miserably selfish lives out on you.
You're very tolerant of other people's shitty behaviour, which is admirable, but unfortunately that gets you stepped on by unscrupulous people.

I think this thread has run it’s course, I've had good advice but it’s no longer helping my wellbeing to interact with certain people that have come onto it now

None of what OP claims to have is a barrier to work.

@SnoopysHoose, so what sort of work do you think would be suitable with the health conditions op has described? How do you think she should go about finding this work and keeping it (not lose it through too much sick absences)?

I think this thread has run it’s course, I've had good advice but it’s no longer helping my wellbeing to interact with certain people that have come onto it now

@catphone, I wish you well and try to focus on the positives you have gained from this thread. Let's face it if you can put up with the harshness on here it shows you have some resilience!😉 But note down the good advice, maybe go through the thread jotting down ideas, so you can have a list of things to try. 🙂

I don't know if this has been mentioned, I read most of the thread but I need to go make the tea now.

I work in community adult education for a local authority, as part of our adult learning offer we do courses for people referred by social prescribers. These are copies of classes available to everyone but we make these smaller and provide additional learner support.

These classes include art for wellbeing, crafts for wellbeing, mindfulness and meditation, steps towards emotional resilience, cooking for health& wellbeing etc.

I often have autistic people referred as community learning aids confidence and well-being and it's a step towards other goals (accredited learning, volunteering, work, just doing more daily care for themselves/accessing community spaces).

I'd suggest you look at your local councils website for adult learning and Al your gp surgery if they have a social prescriber or health and well-being coach. Often, you don't need referred from your gp and can make a direct appointment

Social prescribers assist you in using correct local authority, community and voluntary services in your area. In our area, they will attend new places with you, such as first appointments or drop in groups.

It would be a great way to improve your self esteem and let you see what you can achieve. Be positive, don't compare yourself to others-your best is enough

I have autism, ADHD and CPTSD.

You're gonna have to toughen up. You can't stay inside your safe bubble day after day. I used to be agoraphobic. You have to push yourself.

There are work from home opportunities out there, and many of us have to do work we don't like.

They are aware because they contacted everyone supporting me as part of my application.
You and other people haven’t been very careful with your reading and comprehension and have come up with things out of nowhere that aren’t true.
all you have done is cause me a load of stress. You are making my situation worse.