Baby-proofing your marriage - online chat with author CathyO Neill, Monday 26th Feb 9pm

[carriemumsnet]

Cathy O Neill is co-author of Baby-proofing your marriage - How to Laugh More, Argue Less and Communicate Better as Your Family Grows and will be answering your relationship queries live here on Monday 26th Feb from 9-10pm.

We've got five copies of the book to give to the first five members to join the live discussion, but if you can't make the live chat, you can post your questions in advance below.

Thanks and hope to see you on Monday

MNHQ

[morningpaper]

5 MONTHS IS NOTHING

Write off the first year COMPLETELY

Then maybe get a DVD and watch that together with a glass of wine

I really just write off the first year - it is a mess from start to finish

[oliveoil]

agree with that and add 12 months, lol

my darling angel is insisting loudly that daddy is not enough and MUMMMMMMMYYYYYYY is required

tsk

ta ta for now

[malaleche]

Thanks oliveoil .

[malaleche]

MP - i enjoyed the first year with dd1! Mind you, maybe nostalgia is clouding my memory...

[Monkeytrousers]

BTW MP, your post of 20:39 was spot on. Far too phallocentric!

[tigermoth]

mp agree with your thoughts on this.

Keep thinking a babyproof must be sort of special macintosh to keep out babies that you wear once you are married - oh no, that's a condom.

[tigermoth]

spot on MP

Keep thinking of married people snuggling up under a babyproof - a macintosh to keep out babies, or is that a condom?

[tigermoth]

agreed so much with you mp, I posted twice, cunningly changing my words just a little.

what happened there...

[Pann]

Careful MP! "MN's own Ian Hislop!"

[maggi]

How do you deal with very different views on discipline? I had agreed with husbands authoritarian and smaking approach but since becoming a childminder I have had to become fully devoted to the 'correct' method of positive discipline. This leads to many arguements between us of the nature of "I'm not being told how to bring up my kids by someone who wrote a book" which is my husbands view. How do I get him on my side all the time and not just when mindees are in the house?

[MummyPenguin]

How do I get my kids to toe the line? They are 11, 8 and 7. A girl and two boys. They are causing a lot of grief at home at the moment with their fighting (the boys, mainly) squabbling, laziness, not listening to us, having to be asked a hundred times to do the simplest thing. My Daughter (the eldest) won't keep her room tidy, and that is a source of constant friction.

It has got to the stage where my Husband and I feel like we are 'a family in crisis'. He in particular, is quite depressed about the way things are right now.

How do we communicate with them, without shouting, to make them see that we are fed up with their behaviour and the way things are, and we want it to change for the better? We all need to work together on this, but how do we make the kids realise that? What changes should we make? The youngest is very immature for 7, so is quite difficult to 'get through to.'

[PinkTulips]

heard this woman on gerry ryan and was in a spitting rage. she spent ages waffling on about how men feel excluded because the woman pays too much attention to the baby.... boo hoo hoo for the poor man

dp was irate as well as in his words 'of course the baby gets more attention, it's a baby ffs. who are these sad bastards who need to compete with a tiny baby?'

[JARM]

Ok, a question....

How can I get the same attention from my DH as he gives the girls?

The girls rule him 110% and I actually feel jealous of the attention they get over me.

Wise owrds appreciated.

[VeniVidiVickiQV]

JARM, you sound like my mother

I hope she can answer this for you, I might pass the advice on for my DM....

[PeachyClair]

Ok then

My Dh works nights,a nd I am at uni much of the day. With three kids, two of whom ar disabled and don't sleep much, this often leads to argues that are clearly rooted in tiredness and also the belief that the other doesn't quite contribute enough ( I gett jhisa lot from DH- I amke the effosrt to do any claening etc when he isn't there to maximise our time, then because he doesn't see me scrubbing, although the loo is clean, he assunes that his washing up and putting clothess away is all that gets done)

This frequently causes rows and is slowly driving me nuts, TBh- I love heim dearly but I'm not entirely sure he values what I contribute any more. Any tips?

[lionheart]

Does she really recommend a blow job? If she does, seriously, I can't wait for this 'chat'.

[morningpaper]

I went into the Library today to look for the book but I couldn't find it, and was too embarassed to ask for it because I had two children and I would have looked like I was a mad woman banging on the desk sobbing PLEASE HELP ME SAVE MY MARRIAGE!!!!

SOooo I can't ask an intelligent question about the book because I haven't read it. But I would really like to know that if there is a "five minute fix" recommend which is REALLY a blowjob, then can I ask why a blow job was recommended, rather than cunnilingus, which I'm sure would be MUCH more rewarding for us busy mummies?

I'm in my pyjamas already so I'll probably be asleep by 9pm though...

[VeniVidiVickiQV]

LH - are you thinking that "Give your DH a blowjob" will be a stock answer then?

[VeniVidiVickiQV]

oh you'll be up and about im sure MP

[lionheart]

Yep, the ten minute fix could be two blow jobs, couldn't it? One before breakfast, the other after supper. Bob's your uncle.

If we can find someone who has read the book we would be on firmer ground, though, wouldn't we?

And then you could ask your question MP.

[marthamoo]

Sad to say, I think dh would be extremely content with a weekly blowjob...

[morningpaper]

Well there you go then

Just hoover for five minutes less and perform fellatio for five minutes

I mean you can see the logic of that

But the general argument is too phallocentric for me. Reminds me of that bit in Miriam Stoppard's pregnancy book, where she writes that "many couples abstaining from intercourse find that fellatio is a very satisfying alternative." (or something) COUPLES? What COUPLES find this "very satisfying"? HOMOSEXUAL couples?

[PanicPants]

Lol mp, soooooo true.

[VeniVidiVickiQV]

Oh i mustve missed that bit .......

[marthamoo]

I didn't say he was going to get a weekly blow job though...

Atm I am not inclined to hoovering or fellatio.