Reassure me - what's the worst thing your DCs have said in public?

[bethylou]

Whilst feeding DS2 (11 weeks) early this morning, DS1 (2.1years) was watching the Tweenies and the characters were pinching each other. He and I chatted about how pinching is naughty etc..

We went to the post office at lunchtime where he proceeded to lie on the floor screeching, "Don't pinch me Mummy!" at the top of his voice (because I had intervened in his attempts to empty a huge display of cotton reels). I obviously wasn't pinching him and hopefully people could see that, but it sounded as if that is what I usually do.

Reassure me that your DCs have said similarly embarrassing things. I wanted the ground to swallow me up, said, "I would never pinch you sweetheart," and left as quickly as a toddler, 11 week old and mum can do!!

[Saltire]

Ds2 - again - has done the strange comments to muslims, once in Dundee, first time ever he'd seen a woman in a burkha (think it's a burkha covered all but her face), so he stood and stared for ages, then said
"mummy, see that lady over there, the one dressed like a witch, well I think she must be very very fat and she's dressed like that to hide her fat belly". Thankfully the woman just laughed, but I was mortified

[5inthebed]

We were at one of those wooden parks and DS1 (6) got a splinter in his hand. I was trying to remove it and he was screaming "I want to live, I want to live" rather hysterically

DS2 (4) always asks me rather loudly in public toilets if I'm having a wee or a poo (always a wee btw), and when I'm finished says "good boy mammy" .

[theQuibbler]

Last week, walking behind two women, DS (4) said, loudly

"I really like that lady's dress and she has pretty shoes, too."

Said lady turned round and beamed at complimentary, cute, curly-haired small child.

At which point, he pointed at her friend and said:

"But I don't like yours so much as you have a big, fat bottom."

Just lovely.

[Saltire]

Oh and have had the "why is there a bit of string hanging from your bum mummy" shouted out whilst in public loos before. Again by DS2

[Elffriend]

DS (3) pointed at me and sternly declared, in the loudest voice possible, "YOU'RE not my mother!"

Sainsburys.

When about 2ish still had trouble pronouncing 'L'. Liked clocks though. Shopping Centre, "Mummy! Look at that big cock! I can see a big cock!"

[kimbles1984]

my son runs around all day shouting 'KNOBHEAD' all day much to everyones disgust, what no one realises though is that he has a speech delay and is trying to say stop it!! oh cant take them anywhere can we lol

[StayingDavidTennantsGirl]

Just think how much mortification you are all going to be able to cause when you retell these stories to your dcs girlfriends/boyfriends - or even better, in the speeches at their weddings.

Revenge is a dish best served cold...

I've told this story before, but we were at York station, when ds1 was about 3 or 4, and a man smoking a pipe sat down next to us. The conversation went as follows:

Ds1 - What is that in your mouth, man?

Man - It's a pipe.

Ds1 - What are you doing with it, man?

Man - I am smoking it.

Ds1 - Hmm - you are going to die.

That's when we ruled out a career in the diplomatic service for the lad.

[CwtchyBlueMama]

Took ds,3, swimming last Summer & we were getting changed in the cubicle.

Ds "Mummy,you dont have many hairs on your fanny do you"?

Me "shh, get changed"

Ds "Daddy has,& he has lots of big curly hairs on his bum too"

Me " shh, put your trunks on"

Then getting into the pool an elderly gent walked past wearing speedos,

Ds "Mummy you can see that mans balls,eurgh & his widge"

I swear i practically dive bombed into the pool

I am laughing out loud to these though,love the My Mummy doesnt wear any knickers

[mookle]

lindalinda - LOL! Can particularly relate to the smoking one

[DastardlyorSmugly]

Was in the supermarket the other week talking to one of DH's colleagues.

DS (4): "Mummy you have really big boobies"

[5inthebed]

DS1 (6) was saying yesterday that he can spell any word, so DH asked him to spell Mississippi.

"Easy" he said "M R S Z I P P Y"

[StayingDavidTennantsGirl]

Ohh bless, 5inthebed - that made me laugh!

[Eve4Walle]

DD is 6, so we have plenty of opportunity for this sort of thing.

The worst time was when we were in the supermarket when she was about 4.5, and we were buying a 4-pack of beer for DH. DD pipes up in her loudest voice 'Daddy like beer doesn't he Mummy', to which I agreed. The she says 'but sometimes it makes him a bit sick doesn't it'. I was very embarrassed, and an old bloke walking past and who had obv. heard the whole exchange just smiled and said 'out of the mouth of babes eh?'

The worst thing is that Daddy was sick once on beer, but he'd come home from a stag do a bit worse for wear, been sick and woken her up with the noise (he can't be sick quietly!), so he's not the complete piss-head this makes him out to be at all.

[BonzoDoodah]

These are CLASSIC. I don't think I've laughed out loud so much in ages.

[Highlander]

DS1 was 2. DS2 was a baby. we were also renovating our house (tries hard to re-create the stress we were under )

Nursery teacher - 'how was your weekend?'

DS1 - 'we went to the orange hardware store (that's B and Q), and mummy said daddy was a fucking arse'

Nursdery teacher - 'ooh, that's nice!'

[Highlander]

bluemamma and linda - i was crying laughing reading yours!

[Agingmumoftwins]

These are fantastic, haven't laughed so much in ages!
Even the DTs are joining in as they've never heard mummy laugh so loudly!

[blackflyinyourchardonnay]

DS, to the lady behind him, walking through reception doors at nursery.

" MIND YOUR FINGERS...you cheeky bugger!"

[hahaimawitch]

DS aged 7 asking a sixth former if he had a girlfriend to which the poor boy blushed and said no. DS then pipes up, go on you can tell me... I bet you have a boyfriend instead. Poor lad didn't know where to put himself!

Even better, in school age 4, when the teacher asks how do you tell someone to go away if they shouldn't be talking to you, DS you tell them to sod off! Teacher tells me she had to leave the room she was laughing so much.

DS aged 3 - what on earth has that funny coloured man done to his skin?

DS aged 2 favourite reply - oh fuck!

Much embarrasment here

[BabyGiraffes]

DD1 (2.6) in the shop when she knocked her basket (those on wheels) into a shelf, very loud 'Oh f**k!'
got some strange looks from a few older ladies nearby and was mortified! Had to have a stern word with dh about swearing in front of her.

[BabyGiraffes]

Oh, and I thought she had it from playgroup and told her we don't use that word. To which she replied quite reasonably ; Daddy says f**k!
Er, right.
love this thread - keep laughing out loud. Can't wait for more to come from my two - both a bit small right now.

[potplant]

DS (5) to builder: 'My Mummmy is wearing a black bra today. She's got big boobies'

Other time:

DS (3ish): that man looks like a monkey (he was black).
Me: Sussh its really rude to say things like that
DS: But you call me a monkey (as in the 'cheeky variety'). And I don't even look like one. He does cos he's brown
Me: Shussh,l stop saying it its rude
DS: Monkey Man! Monkey Man!

I was beyond mortified!

[Bluesunday]

I am crying with laughing reading these!
When DS was about 5 we went to the cinema, I told DS he could have either pick n' mix or popcorn but he couldn't have both. DS started screaming "I WANT COCK PORN! I WANT COCK PORN!". Another time, I think he was about 7 or 8, the TV was on in the background, some discussion program about relgion, and I told DS I wasn't a Christian... DS went into school the next day and told the teacher "my mummy's a Muslim terrorist".
There was also the time DD (aged about 2) was busy with the building blocks, kindly old grandpa bent down and asked if he could play too, DD said "fuck off, Grandad"