Reassure me - what's the worst thing your DCs have said in public?

[bethylou]

Whilst feeding DS2 (11 weeks) early this morning, DS1 (2.1years) was watching the Tweenies and the characters were pinching each other. He and I chatted about how pinching is naughty etc..

We went to the post office at lunchtime where he proceeded to lie on the floor screeching, "Don't pinch me Mummy!" at the top of his voice (because I had intervened in his attempts to empty a huge display of cotton reels). I obviously wasn't pinching him and hopefully people could see that, but it sounded as if that is what I usually do.

Reassure me that your DCs have said similarly embarrassing things. I wanted the ground to swallow me up, said, "I would never pinch you sweetheart," and left as quickly as a toddler, 11 week old and mum can do!!

[StayingDavidTennantsGirl]

Ds1 and I once had a long and loud (on his part, anyway) conversation in the chemist's about why we were in there - he wanted to know.

I told him I needed to get the tablets the doctor had prescribed. He wanted to know why I needed tablets, so I told him I had an abcess - then had to explain that an abcess was a sore spot that had gone yucky. Then he wanted to know where the abcess was, so I murmured quietly into his ear that it was on my booby. "OOOoooh Mummy - can I SEE the abcess on your booby?" Cue me trying to explain why I wasn't going to show him my boob in the chemists shop - because people might laugh - why mummy - and might call it indecent exposure..... And so it went on - with every other bugger in the shop sidling closer so they could hear better!

[JaneS]

I was in the swimming changing rooms last summer. Now, I have no children, but because I went from a size 8 to 14 by the quick route, I have a few delightful stretchmarks. I had just turned to fact the walls so I could slip my knickers on without flashing the room (as you do).

Cue a little hand grabbing my upper thigh, followed a very confused child saying:

'You have the same bottom as MY mummy!'



Her mum was about fifteen years older than me and considerably larger - she was mortified, I thought it was hilarious.

[rockinhippy]

Just remembered another...

@ a Nursery picnic, I was chatting to some other parents, only to have one nudge me, & I turned around to see DD, then 3,1/2 doing hand stands......with no knickers on..... turned out she had whipped them off just before leaving the house.......... on telling her off, & asking what she's done with her knickers, she proclaimed VERY loudly...WELL MUMMY!!, I TOOK THEM OFF AS THATS WHAT YOU ALWAYS DO

funniest bit, was 3 other Mums feeling sorry for me & then owning up to not wearing knickers in Summer, as they believed DD.......when it wasn't true

[Portofino]

DD (about 5) spotted a woman suffering from Dwarfism and said in a very loud voice: "Look at that little girl Mummy. Hasn't she got very fat legs and the most enormous bottom!"

I tried to drag her away and started to explain that the woman was in fact an adult to which dd replied "REALLY!!! You could have fooled ME!!"

[eeniemeenie]

Two of many at the supermarket checkout in a very loud voice my DS (2 at the time) yelled 'Daddy says BOLLOCKS!!' and when he was 4 he saw a man jogging up a hill, DS shouts 'Daddy lets beat that man up' meaning lets race him to the top but by the way the joggers pace quickened I think he thought DS & DH were just about to duff him up.....

[Gay40]

Fuck off Grandad. That has had me laughing all day.

[thehillsarealive]

this has made me splutter my coffee all over the keyboard!

hilarious!

DS when he was about 3 asked very loudly in a cafe "why is that man so FAT?" I was mortified and squirmed and said "that isnt a very nice thing to say about someone"

DS then said, but he is Mummy, he is HUGE. - Cue the man turning round and saying "its coz I drink too much beer!" and grinning.

Thankfully, the man saw the funny side. Of course it was just before Christmas and the place was heaving with people.

[DeeDon]

While waiting outside DD1's ballet class my DD2 (aged 3) said she wanted a drink. I suggested going to the shop next door but she said "I want to go to the bar". My refusal led her to lie on the floor screaming "I want to go to the bar!" Don't know where she gets it from

[thehillsarealive]

Another time my friend and I were driving into town with DS in the back seat of the car. A huge tipper truck came along the narrow country road, taking up both sides, not slowing down, and almost ran us off the road.

I shouted "you stupid bastard you nearly killed us!" then another truck came straight after that, and DS said "ooh no Mummy 2 bastards!"

My friend nearly wet herself laughing, I didnt know what to say, part of me was proud because he added to 2, part of me was because I try not to swear in front of the kids! So, I just said "good counting darling" THAT is what my friend remembers most about my DS being a toddler!

[lilredinjun]

Haven't laughed so much for ages

DD(3) - in the lift at the hospital, only the 2 of us and one other lady.
DD pipes up "is that what a scarecrow looks like mummy?"

Needless to say I got out of the left at the next level...

[clairefromsteps]

The other day in M&G Food Hall:

Me: After we're done shopping, what do you fancy doing?

DD (3): I want to go to the pub.

I should point out that the village pub has a lovely family garden and that we sometimes take the kids there on a Saturday tea time. I'm not some crazy booze-hound dragging her neglected children all over town in search of cheap vodka... Well, not often anyway.

And the cringiest one either of them have ever come out with was in a very crowded motorway service station toilet. I'd brought the kids into the cubicle with me and, pulling my knickers down, I realised that my period had come upon me all of a sudden. Before I could do anything:

DS (3) in the loudest voice I have ever heard him use: What's that in your knickers mummy? Is it jam?

[ln1981]

These are brilliant-have been told off by ds1 for guffawing very loudly!

DD is pretty good at giving me the blushes-at the zoo last year, whilst looking at all the lovely monkeys, she happened to notice one that was a bit 'excited' shall we say. Cue lots of comments from her about the monkey's winky and how big it was and why was it pulling at it etc. etc. The place was full of people trying (and failing) not to laugh at her. I was so red, i could have set the place alight!

I will also admit to a bit of road rage at times-there is no denying it really, when soemone pipes up from the back "are you not gonna beep the horn at that car?" after being cut up.
ds1 used to take great delight in telling everyone who would listen about my delightful language whilst in the car...

[OrganicHairbrush]

When I was at uni a friend of mine had to bring his DS into a lecture as the childminder had called in sick at the last minute.

DS "Daddy this is boring. Could we go and do a bit more pooing together instead?"

[cantmummyhaveabreak]

DS aged 4 at the time- 'mummy that lady looks like the joker in batman' (she was wrinkly he later said)

again DS- 'old people need sticks DD1 because they're very old and can't walk'

again DS in a shop- 'mummy look at that fat man' (i agree the man was very large but he said it right next to him!! AND pointed)

DD1 on the bus, aged 3 at the time- 'that man in front of me smells, he might have trumped and not said excuse me'

DD1 in a shopping queue- 'that man has a willy doesn't he mummy? and you have a front bottom and BIIIIIIIG boobies dont you mummy?'

DD1 at nursery last week, now aged 4 (re-told throguh teacher)- 'my mummy has milk in her boobies, i have the milk in my breakfast- it tastes yummy'

God- too many to list them all but they are the best that come to mind right now!!

[ln1981]

in fact ds1 being able to read and spell is not always a blessing come to think of it.

the other day, he proudly told me how to spell the 'S' word and there was me wondering all this time...

[Dollytwat]

silverdog you've actually made me cry laughing

[Jamiki]

My friends young (3) DD running up the hall to join Dad in the shower slipped and scratched her bottom on the metal slat that used to join up lino pieces in old houses. So the next day at day care tells the child care worker "I was in the shower with Daddy and now my bottom is sore".

Love em!

[belly36]

During a quiet moment in church DS who wasn't quite 2 dropped a book and exclaimed at the top of his voice "oh bollocks"

Once when walking past a fried chicken place DS took one look at the boys (black) standing outside and said "monkeys oooo oooo oooo"

I asked DS to let a lady past in a shop and he said "that's not a lady it's a granny"

[TheDevilWearsPrimark]

'Why don't you have boobs , ladies have boobs?'

To a woman in the swimming pool changing room.

[sliceofcake]

Heard this one secondhand, but picture a family out for posh celebration meal, with grandparents etc.

3 year old boy asks grandad to pass the ketchup, and on being stopped and told by his mum " what do you say?" calmly announced...

"sorry, pass the f'ing ketchup, grandad"

My own DS (3) broke down sobbing recently whilst we were out and begged me not to flush him down the toilet again

[katiepotatie]

DD 3 - "Mummy this is a f*king sandwich"
Me - "no it's an egg sandwich"

[lovingthesun]

we were sitting next to 2 wig wearing old ladies in a cafe.

DD piped up very loudly "look at the grannies funny hair"

[ThatsNotMyBag]

"Look at that mans hat"

Full volume DS whilst pointing at a bloke with an obvious wig.

[MrsMeow]

Oh God, my DC have both said SO many embarrassing things over the years - it's a wonder I still go out in public!

One thing that sticks in my mind was when DS started reception, DD was already in the same school and there had been a run of letters asking for money for this that and the other. It was January so things were tight after christmas and I was getting fed up of getting these letters so was moaning to DD about it. A couple of days later DS came marching out of class, waving a letter above his head and shouting "look Mum, they want MORE bloody money off us" The letter turned out to be about something completely different. That was mortifying enough, but I was talking to my friend later, who is also a TA in reception and she told me that when she handed the letters out, DS had shouted "oh I'm getting fed up of this, what do you want money for NOW?" My friend said that the teacher had to leave the room as she was laughing so much.

I've also had the public toilets thing with both of them; are you doing a wee or a poo mummy? Why do you have rope coming out of your bits mummy? Good girl mummy, along with a round of applause - this was when potty training DD!

And not the DC so slightly off topic, but DH, DD & I were in a shop when DD was about 18 months old, we were trying to look at something and DD was lying on the floor in front of us tantrumming. DH looks down at DD and says "DD get up now or I'll kick you in the head" cue a loud tut and a look of total and utter disgust from an old lady stood next to us. DH had meant , if you don't get up I may accidentally kick you in the head. But obviously it didn't come across like that!!

[Jamiki]

Occasionally I come out with 'damn it or sh*t' and DS (3) says 'Don't say it Mummy, don't say the F word'.

Which I don't by the way that is DHs transgression. That we are working on.

DS says "DD said the F word Mum', I say "Did she? What did she say?
DS says "She said DUMB (or Shut Up)".