I am a twat, I am a twat

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yes, please all come and point at this twat in the corner!

My dh has just come in from work and noticed the iron was on.

I didn't unplug it after using it this morning before 8am, and didn't even realise though I have been home for 2 hours!

Can anyone beat that or just come and point and laugh at me please?

i went to SIL (kind of) house, and put their new kettle on the gas stove to boil. But the kettle was an electric one.
Me=Twat.

I have locked myself out of the flat i used to rent so many times, that every time i walked into letting agents office they would just hand the spare key to me without asking.

I locked myself out on 27th of december 2006... Realized it as soon as i closed the door behind me. (That's what i used to do - shut the door, and then check if i had the keys with me ) Phoned my brand new boyfriend (been together for a month), he said he wasn't far away, so we met in the city, went for coffee and then walked to the office to get the spare key. Office was closed.

I spent a night at his place, next day we went back to the office, it was again closed and this time there was a note there that during christmas period opening hours are 10-12. As you can guess, we got there just after 12 . I phoned their emergency number - they told me to get a locksmith.

My flat was on the first floor and i've left the kitchen window open! We went into the back garden (it was never ever used, almost inaccessible and full of crazy cats), my brave boyfriend tried to climb up the wall but failed, so we then drove to his workplace (nobody was working there, but thankfully he's got all the keys to get in whenever he wants ), borrowed a ladder, went back, and he climbed up to the kitchen window, got in, fell into the sink and broke a glass (i forgave him ), and got my keys!

The thing i regret most is not taking a picture of his legs dangling out of the kitchen window! And i had the camera with me!

(Yes, it's possible to write an essay on locking yourself out )

I decided to test our new microwave steriliser, with the bottle brush inside . I have also put my fingers on the electric hob to see if it was warm enough (twice).

Last week while out xmas shopping Dp asked me for the food shop money it wasnt in my purse so i started to panic after 2mins i started crying thinking i'd lost it right outside tesco on a busy high street

DP took my purse off me and found it
I'd put the £100 for the food shop into a slot in my purse thats for cards to seperate it from the present money

Ok, i see the thread has been resurrected so will add my own

In a cafe with my mum, i held a METAL teapot in the palm of my hand and filled it with boiling water! i then thought i must have splashed myself when said hand was burning (even THEN i did not click why!)

In Sainsburys cafe last xmas eve with my mum, we got there at like 6am got all our food then went in cafe for a cup of tea, we then proceeded to walk out of the cafe without our trolleys! got in the car and i said to my mum "what did we come here for?!" we then had to go back to cafe and get our food.

When i was 18, i ran my car on fumes lol, which of course meant i ran out of petrol LOTS. This particular day i ran out of petrol, and a very kind man stopped and asked if i wanted towing to the petrol station, he put a tow rope on my car and we set off. Everything was fine for a while as the road was fairly straight UNTIL we got to a junction and had to turn left....i found my car going up the kerb cue me in total panic, waving to the guy etc trying to get his attention as a lamp post got nearer and nearer...i didn't realise you had to have the keys in the ignition, so the keys were sat on the passenger seat next to me and my steering lock had come on when we turned!

Yes i am also a twat!

I came home on the bus from work one day. DH says .. where is the car.. ehh I dont know...well you took it to the doctors this morning

I had come out of doctors , bus was right there and I jumped on it to work. Car was still at gp's

then there was packing to come home from caravan holiday . Denims in bottom of case, case at bottom of packed boot

caravan key in denims pocket..

and to make up the hat-trick of twattiness. I left the grill for abut 20 mins when i realised instead of switching it off and letting it cool. I opened the door ..whoosh flames..

The Electric hand Blender had me literally laughing out loud.

I was clearing the kitchen table in my mums' where my teenage dsis had been studying.
So - maths book in the fridge, and open carton of milk lobbed onto her bed.

Had spent the afternoon preening around with a long bath, hot oiled hair and straightened it, face-pack etc, and still wasn't dressed when dd2 was dropped home from her special school by the transport service. I flung on a short nightie from the back of the bathroom door to answer the door and slipped the nearest pair of shoes on my feet, which weren't quite fluffy mules, but were still rather silly looking high heels. I was only intending to peer around the door, but dd2's escort needed me to help her open the gate, so I stepped out, and...

dd2 whipped past me, slammed the fromt door shut, escort jumped back on the bus and they sailed off, leaving me locked out in the rain (so hair was wrecked, but hey, that was the least of my worries), looking like something out of The Benny Hill Show, with my autistic daughter locked in trashing the place

I had to ring my mum from a neighbour's in the end to bring the spare key. I really am a twat.

OMG bof, you need to get a spare key outside your front door

my dad has a little box hidden by the front door(bolted to the wall) with a combination key lock, with spare key in it, you need one of those

BofF, bless you

as a teenager I had a paper round. The last stop on my route was one house at the bottom of a long quiet street. Because it was so boring riding down it every day I used to see how long I dare ride my bike with my eyes shut. One day I was particularly brave and rode it right in to the back of a parked car at a fair speed. Needless to say, I never did THAT again! Twat or what?

I fed my wedding ring to a pony.

I once went on holiday for a week and left the front door unlocked (didnt know) and the wind caught it and blew it open. Came home to a soaking wet hall carpet and a freezing house. Although I consider myself lucky as I could have come home to nothing at all.

I did live semi rural though.

I am so gonna show this thread to DH. He thinks I've a OCD as it is with me needing to turn back and check the straightners/iron/electric heater in DS 's room!

Um....only the electric hearer in DS's room by the way

Wehn i was 6mths pregnant with my first child still living at home with my fiance and i curled my hair, i left the curlers on and went out.
Que sister calling 4 hours later shouting down phone asking what i had done to her new bedroom carpet

Just found the Mumsnet Classics threads! And wanted to add one of my Mum's.

We set off on a family holiday, when I was about 8. We're just driving past the park near our house when Mum says " I've forgotten my handbag! It's got all the holiday money and passports in it, we have to go back."

My Dad screeches to a halt....which dislodges the bag from the roof of the car, where she'd left it. Bag complete with passports goes flying, and the foreign currency starts blowing away across the park...we never did get all of it back.

You can imagine the holiday was rather strained after that...

I also have left the keys in the lock outside, they also have the car keys on them. Neighbours have knocked a few times to give us them back or posted them through the door.

Also when i got my old corsa last year as a runabout car, i was used to the mondeo we use to have that had central locking on. Picked DS1 up from Pre-School, unlocked the car on the passenger side, threw the car keys onto the drivers side whilst i strapped him into his car seat, put the lock down on the door and closed the door. Got round to the drivers side to get in and go home. Wouldnt open, i thought 'tut' Went back round to the passenger side to retrieve the keys and realised id locked them in the car with DS1.

Was trying to get DS1 who was two at the time to try to get his arms out the seatbelt of his car seat and reach and unlock the door, by pulling up the lock thing you press down to lock the door, he couldnt reach.

Called DH who was at home at the time as it was his day off work, he came down in his car with a coat hanger (we didn't have a spare key as it had gone missing) Tried to get DS1 out by trying to unlock the door with the coat hanger down the outside part of the window but nothing.

Called RAC and they were 2 hours away so only option was to ring Fire Brigade.

BTW Fire Brigade was there within minutes, sirens and lights on - Everything. I was so embarrassed when the teachers of DS preschool came out to see what was happening.

My name is Zeno, and I am a twat.

Moved into a terraced house in winter. Spent four days telling folks how lovely and warm it is to live in a terrace. And on the fifth day, I turned off the gas oven. Twat.

Whilst using said oven, bent in to look at cakes, attempted to close door without fully removing head. Burn across entire front of my neck looking as though I'd been strangled. Very conspicuous twat.

Had a sore eye and went to put GoldenEye ointment in it. Took glasses off, picked up tube and carefully squirted Bazooka Verruca gel directly onto my eyeball. Mum rang NHS direct for advice - they said "and how old is your little girl?" Cue much hilarity when she told them I was in my thirties (and still very much a twat).

Tried repeatedly for hours to phone my ILs, who were engaged. Became convinced that their phone line was knackered so rang BT to report fault. On giving them the number I'd been trying to call realised I'd been dialling my own phone number all day. Twat pillock fecking eejit.

And this one, in a shameless bid to take the Twat Tiara:
Asked loudly to be introduced to the nice man sat across the table from me in the pub. Turned out I knew him already . Turned out we'd stepped out together for, ooh, about three months, a couple of years back. Turned out he'd put a bit of weight on. Twat.

Zeno...

These classics threads are hillarious!! I was supposed to be going to sleep 3 hours ao but I can't tear myself away!!

My best one was packing up after camping (in the pouring rain). Going to start the car .... and realising the keys were in a pocket inside the tent. Cue emptying out the entire contents of the car to get to the tent, opening it up and having to crawl inside to find the pocket with the keys in.

Not my finest hour.

I have:
Taken a baking tray out of the hot oven without an oven glove
Walked away from a running tap and completely forgotten about it
Left my parked car in a multi storey without checking which floor it was on - or indeed which multi storey. I do this A LOT
I really shouldn’t be let out alone.