I am a twat, I am a twat

[differentID]

yes, please all come and point at this twat in the corner!

My dh has just come in from work and noticed the iron was on.

I didn't unplug it after using it this morning before 8am, and didn't even realise though I have been home for 2 hours!

Can anyone beat that or just come and point and laugh at me please?

[highheelsandbobblehats]

I managed to lock my house keys in my car and my car keys in the house one day.
Went to get the kids coats out of the boot before the school run, chucked house keys into the boot as I did it. Closed boot, hung car keys back up in the house and shouted goodbye to husband as I pulled the door shut and went out on the school run.
Dropped DS1 at school and DS2 at the adjoining preschool. Put the buggy in the buggy park and rummaged in the basket for my house keys. Not there. Nor was my phone as I'd left that at home too.
Thankfully my best friend was stood next to me as it dawned on me what I'd done. I rang my husband (who was by now at work 25 miles away) from her phone to tell him what I'd done, I then borrowed her car to drive to his work to collect his house keys so I could get back in.
I gave said friend a spare set of keys the next day.

[CigarsofthePharoahs]

Bought a special box for keeping potatoes in to free up room in the fridge. Put potatoes in box.
Then I forgot about the box.

Had numerous conversations with DH about all the midges in the kitchen. Numerous. Eventually spotted the box and did at least think to take it outside to open it. It was thick with insects and larvae and the potatoes were sludge. I jet washed it out and then threw away the box.

DH has - left the trailer key in a box whilst packing after camping and been unable to hitch the trailer as key is now buried at the bottom of the trailer. He also left a damp flannel in a tent pocket when packing up. That was minging when we eventually discovered it.
I have left numerous front doors open and memorably my car was unlocked for an entire week. I think I need a responsible adult.

[DumbleDork]

I’ve left my car keys in the ignition overnight once when my youngest was newborn. Only noticed the next day when I couldn’t find them to take my biggest to school.

Luckily car was still there the next day plus all the contents

[M4J4]

@usandbmake3

Reported it to the police, called my BF in tears and asked him to drive back from work (he was 3 hours away on a course)

What was your BF supposed to do about your stolen car? I realise that it's a lighthearted thread but this strikes me as a very selfish thing to do. Especially as he was 3 hours away on a course.

[LaBelleSauvage]

I put my engagement ring in the pocket of my scrubs and threw them into the laundry bins after surgery.

I spent 2 hours fishing through bloody, shitty, scrubs to get it back.

[Evennow]

Decanted paint stripper into a polystyrene cup...

[barneymcgroo]

Spent 3 weeks trying to sort out the terrible smell near the back door. Honestly, it smelt like something had died. Got someone in to do the drains - he came and put his head round the kitchen door: "could it be this?", he said, brandishing a long-defrosted frozen chicken. Was mortified. Twat.

[usandbmake3]

I came out of my house to realise that my car had been stolen.

Reported it to the police, called my BF in tears and asked him to drive back from work (he was 3 hours away on a course), cancelled my plans for the day.

Decided to walk to the supermarket to pick up some treats...and noticed my car in the car park where I had left it the night before.

Had to phone the police back and blamed the BF for taking it without letting me know.


Then had a phone call from Victim Support the following week to see if I needed to talk through any fears I had following my recent crime incident

[SusanneLinder]

I left my newborn baby in a pram outside a shop... Then wondered where she was. ( this was late 80s so was common to leave babies outside shops).

She is nearly 30 now and survived my dreadful parenting...

[tinofbeans]

I have spilt a cup of tea all over my lovey MacBook I am also a twat.

[Berimbolo]

I have form for leaving keys in places I shouldn't:

Left car keys in ignition when parked in a busy car park

Took time to put a chain, disc lock and steering lock whilst out on my motorbike, but walked off leaving keys on the bike

Left my keys hanging out the front door, but also done that with the DH keys which contains the obvious fob for his rather expensive car

Luckily all vehicles have still been there

[blueangel1]

My worst example of twattery was just after I learnt to drive. I took the car into the city centre and left it in a multi-story car park. Whilst on the bus home I realised that I'd driven there.

I thank you

[CutesyUserName]

When we first got married we rented a house into which the landlord had just put a brand new shiny ceramic hob. The first night, I managed to melt my phone on it (still don't know how) and ruined both items.

Another - the day before we moved out of a house we had just sold, I put a hot iron on the windowsill next to the window pane and cracked the double glazed glass :(

My dad had had a beige, lightweight suit made for him. When he got it home, I decided to iron the trousers for him as a surprise and managed to burn a hole straight through the lower leg. The thermostat on the iron had decided to die and I hadn't realised.

[Saker]

I left a saucepan with eggs boiling on the hob in a holiday house. We went out for 2 hours and when we came back we could hear the smoke alarm going. Even then I didn't click what I had done. The pan was black and everywhere was full of smoke. We spend the remaining two days with all the doors and windows open, scrubbing out cupboards, hanging out soft furnishings, trying desperately to get rid of the smell. Offered to go home early so they could fumigate better but the owners were really nice about it. It was a lovely house but I am too ashamed to ever go back.

[Myimaginarycathasfleas]

@Gulags

or the Bake Off tent 😂😂😂

[GulagsMyArse]

Left electric hob on all night. Kitchen like the tropics next morning.

[Borntobeamum]

I put a pan of carrots on to cook.
Took the children to soft play and ordered lunch. We had a lovely time...... Until I remembered the carrots
Bundled the children back into the car and flew home.
Black carrots. Black pan, but everything else was OK.

[Myimaginarycathasfleas]

I have:
Taken a baking tray out of the hot oven without an oven glove
Walked away from a running tap and completely forgotten about it
Left my parked car in a multi storey without checking which floor it was on - or indeed which multi storey. I do this A LOT
I really shouldn’t be let out alone.

[JeremyCorbynsBeard]

My best one was packing up after camping (in the pouring rain). Going to start the car .... and realising the keys were in a pocket inside the tent. Cue emptying out the entire contents of the car to get to the tent, opening it up and having to crawl inside to find the pocket with the keys in.

Not my finest hour.

[CherryPie3]

Zeno...

These classics threads are hillarious!! I was supposed to be going to sleep 3 hours ao but I can't tear myself away!!

[zeno]

My name is Zeno, and I am a twat.

Moved into a terraced house in winter. Spent four days telling folks how lovely and warm it is to live in a terrace. And on the fifth day, I turned off the gas oven. Twat.

Whilst using said oven, bent in to look at cakes, attempted to close door without fully removing head. Burn across entire front of my neck looking as though I'd been strangled. Very conspicuous twat.

Had a sore eye and went to put GoldenEye ointment in it. Took glasses off, picked up tube and carefully squirted Bazooka Verruca gel directly onto my eyeball. Mum rang NHS direct for advice - they said "and how old is your little girl?" Cue much hilarity when she told them I was in my thirties (and still very much a twat).

Tried repeatedly for hours to phone my ILs, who were engaged. Became convinced that their phone line was knackered so rang BT to report fault. On giving them the number I'd been trying to call realised I'd been dialling my own phone number all day. Twat pillock fecking eejit.

And this one, in a shameless bid to take the Twat Tiara:
Asked loudly to be introduced to the nice man sat across the table from me in the pub. Turned out I knew him already . Turned out we'd stepped out together for, ooh, about three months, a couple of years back. Turned out he'd put a bit of weight on. Twat.

[CheekyBigBrotherFan]

BTW Fire Brigade was there within minutes, sirens and lights on - Everything. I was so embarrassed when the teachers of DS preschool came out to see what was happening.

[CheekyBigBrotherFan]

I also have left the keys in the lock outside, they also have the car keys on them. Neighbours have knocked a few times to give us them back or posted them through the door.

Also when i got my old corsa last year as a runabout car, i was used to the mondeo we use to have that had central locking on. Picked DS1 up from Pre-School, unlocked the car on the passenger side, threw the car keys onto the drivers side whilst i strapped him into his car seat, put the lock down on the door and closed the door. Got round to the drivers side to get in and go home. Wouldnt open, i thought 'tut' Went back round to the passenger side to retrieve the keys and realised id locked them in the car with DS1.

Was trying to get DS1 who was two at the time to try to get his arms out the seatbelt of his car seat and reach and unlock the door, by pulling up the lock thing you press down to lock the door, he couldnt reach.

Called DH who was at home at the time as it was his day off work, he came down in his car with a coat hanger (we didn't have a spare key as it had gone missing) Tried to get DS1 out by trying to unlock the door with the coat hanger down the outside part of the window but nothing.

Called RAC and they were 2 hours away so only option was to ring Fire Brigade.

[Lobyd]

Just found the Mumsnet Classics threads! And wanted to add one of my Mum's.

We set off on a family holiday, when I was about 8. We're just driving past the park near our house when Mum says " I've forgotten my handbag! It's got all the holiday money and passports in it, we have to go back."

My Dad screeches to a halt....which dislodges the bag from the roof of the car, where she'd left it. Bag complete with passports goes flying, and the foreign currency starts blowing away across the park...we never did get all of it back.

You can imagine the holiday was rather strained after that...

[CheekyVimtoGal]

Wehn i was 6mths pregnant with my first child still living at home with my fiance and i curled my hair, i left the curlers on and went out.
Que sister calling 4 hours later shouting down phone asking what i had done to her new bedroom carpet