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Original poster

I am a twat, I am a twat

167 replies

differentID · 21/09/2009 20:25

yes, please all come and point at this twat in the corner!

My dh has just come in from work and noticed the iron was on.

I didn't unplug it after using it this morning before 8am, and didn't even realise though I have been home for 2 hours!

Can anyone beat that or just come and point and laugh at me please?

OP posts:
monkeysavingexpertdotcom · 21/09/2009 23:37

Eddas, I regularly try and turn the TV over using the phone and have been known to call my dad using the DVD control. And putting the old Tesco Clubcard in the cashpoint machine.

TokenFemale · 21/09/2009 23:41

I was v drunk once prior to getting ready to go out and somehow mistook DH's super-man-size nail clippers for my eyelash curlers. Result - I clipped off half my eyelashes.

And I was so sozzled I didn't realise. It was my friends who had to point it out to me

VulpusinaWilfsuit · 21/09/2009 23:43

ahahaha that is genuinely stupid hilarious. Did they grow back?

kitbit · 22/09/2009 00:18

I once tried to fix the eye level grill on our rented flat oven. Left the gas on while searching for a match. Found match ...took a moment to strike it... lalala no hurry.... if I light it I can see which holes are blocked so that I can unblock them... juuuust lighting it now....

POOOOOFFFFFF

No eyebrows.

masonicpixiesreadthedailymail · 22/09/2009 00:24

oh dear. When I was a student I set fire to the grill pan by leaving it on. But best bit was that I'd gone in later and made myself a drink and failed to notice the smell, blackness and floating bits of ash all around me

It had been a big night out but still..

TokenFemale · 22/09/2009 00:26

Yes they did grow back but it took a LONG time. And this was in the days before eyelash extensions - and I couldnt be arsed with putting on false eyelashes every day.

So not only am I a twat, but I looked like a twat for ages.

PandaEis · 22/09/2009 00:50

excellent thread!!

my DH is the main displayer of twattery in our house!!

he was checking the oil on our car the day before we were driving 4 hours to go camping and decided to rev the engine (for some unknown man-related reason) so the twat idiot put the car in drive- it was automatic-...took the handbrake off... and proceeded to smash the car into the back of his stationary van... i literally felt my brain implode as he stood in the street crying!!!

we can laugh now

i do have my moments...

i forgot my iron was on and picked it up by the plate once[aaaaarrrrrggghhhhhssshhhiiitttt emoticon] i felt like a prize twat seeing as how my iron lights up when its on and it glows bright red...

xx ei xx

Tortington · 22/09/2009 01:56

i rode home from the station on my bike which i parked in the garden.

i left my keys (front door and car keys together) in the basket overnight and most of the next day.

i have left the front door open

left the upstairs windows WIDE open whilst we went on holiday to the alps! came home to curtains blowing haunted house stylee

left the iron on many a time.

ironed clothes in my undies whilst the binmen walked past to collect bin

alwayslookingforanswers · 22/09/2009 02:00

oh I've done the front door thing, several times

stoppinattwo · 22/09/2009 05:14

I have left my keys in the front door

I have locked the front door with my keys and then left them in the door on the inside so when DP comes home after a few beers he can get his keys in the door to unlock it un intnetional honest!

I have hidden christmas presents in a binbag so the kids dont find them and then DP has put the binbag out for the binmen (slight lack of communication before the event but plenty after!!)

IdrisTheDragon · 22/09/2009 06:31

I always feel quite pleased when I get home and find I did lock the door. Back door quite often unlocked and sometimes wide open.

I do a good line in putting plastic chopping boards near/on the electric hob.

jenniferturkington · 22/09/2009 06:40

When about 16 wks pregnant, terrible morning sickness, DH abroad on business and doing a teaching job I hated, I grabbed the HUGE pile of books I had been marking inbetween the vomming, and left the house at 7 am. Got to car, realised I'd grabbed the wrong keys No car keys and no house keys, 7am, freezing, felt like shit and then had to pay £20 to get to a job I hated. Twat.

ScaredOfCows · 22/09/2009 08:28

Last week I searched and searched for my bag in the morning rush at home. Couldn't find it - eventually wondered if I had left it in the car. I had - on the bag seat all night in full view of Johnny Burglar - car parked on the road too cos had a builders skip on the drive.

Years ago, whilst lighting a cigarette for someone in a car, I managed to get my long hair in the way of the lighter. Result? Hair in flames - used to use a lot of hairspray in the 80's!

EccentricaGallumbits · 22/09/2009 08:34

I have an active sleep life.
I've been caught by DH a number of times plugging in the iron. I don't do much ironing when I'm awake so god knows why I feel the need to in my sleep.

Heebeejeebee · 22/09/2009 08:56

DH wins most of the prizes in our house... The neighbours rang the doorbell one evening to point out he had left the boot open - in the rain. He frequently leaves his keys in the lock on the outside of the door...

Our (now ex) cleaners managed to turn our grill on while cleaning it so it was on all day..

The reason I manage to avoid these incidents is now due to my lack of twatishness, more that I have a touch of ocd and am constantly checking hair straighteners, did I lock the door etc etc before I leave... DH finds it hilarious to say half way to the station "Did you check your straighteners/lock the door/shut the window" and watch me panic..

thereistheball · 22/09/2009 09:01

A friend (honestly) got drunk at a party and insisted on heating up some pizza. She was caught just before she put it into the oven on a plastic chopping board. But being drunk and crafty, the minute backs were turned she put them both in anyway, and it was only 10 minutes later when the kitchen filled with black smoke that anyone realised what she'd done. The oven was ruined. To this day she does not remember this and has never been told.

domesticslattern · 22/09/2009 09:43

I left £30 in the cash dispenser. Asked for the cash, took my card then walked off leaving it as a nice present for the next person to use the machine.
Actually I have done that more than once, please don't tell anyone.
And when I was younger I used to regularly go to sleep with my keys in the front door.

Heebeejeebee · 22/09/2009 13:44

Domestic - DH has done that twice. Both times it was £100 and both times he managed to get it back! (I assume that no one used it after him and the machine swallowed it back up!

Bleh · 22/09/2009 13:51

and I don't think I can take it, because it took so long to make it.

Bleh · 22/09/2009 13:54

During the days of being a smoker, I was at a party without a lighter, so decided instead to light the cigarette using the gas hob. However, I didn't think to switch the hob on first and then light the cigarette, instead, I leant over and lit the gas flame at the same time, then freaked out and ran around screaming that I had burnt my eyebrows off. I did not believe anyone who told me that I had not burnt them off, until I got dragged into the bathroom for a look in the mirror.

Supreme twatishness.

Cadelaide · 22/09/2009 14:00

OP, this need never happen, you just need to give up ironing.

My mantra on any iron-related thread; "what's so great about very flat clothes?"

oldraver · 22/09/2009 14:06

Eddas did similar last week, took my car to my DB's garage and I was taking his car. He asked me to open mine and I was clicking at car for ages, he had a go (we knoe the locking ia on the way out). He then said "maybe we should use YOUR car keys to open it" I'd been clicking with his

nickelbabe · 22/09/2009 14:18

did the same aws timothy (page 1) left the door wide open all day.

and when i was a teenager i put a mini pizzaa i nthe oven at about 7 o'clock. my sister woke me up at 11 to tell yell at me that i'd left it in there.

i always forget that i'm cooking something if someone turns the kitchen light off.

Lovemyshoes · 22/09/2009 14:18

Whilst drunk, my brother used to make cheese toasties with only one slice of bread and when it started burning, he would stand there look confuddled.

BaronConker · 22/09/2009 14:38

Twice in the last fortnight the kind teenage girl who lives next door has popped round to tell me that my car door was lying wide open on the driver's side. the first time we chuckled in 'the things we do!' type fashion, the second she just looked at me really pityingly. Who opens their car door, gets out and then just walks off without shutting it? Why would I do that? Twice?

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