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Original poster

To The People Who Owned My House Before Me I Would Just Like To Ask

291 replies

MintyyAeroEgg · 30/03/2009 21:18

Why, why, why, when the kitchen measures 25ft by 12ft, you chose to confine the kitchen area (all the units and appliances) to about 1/3 of the available space, and devote the remaining 2/3 to a dining area - which you chose to CARPET in dark green carpet. I just cannot get my head round what you were thinking of, you silly silly silly twunts.

Anyone else?

OP posts:
Northernlurker · 30/03/2009 23:15

Why haven't you redirected your post in the ten months we've lived here? It isn't for lack of funds - we've forwarded a copy of every known 'family' holiday catalogue and brochure for luxury goods. I live in fear of the baliffs arrival as you are plainly either insanely rich or horribly profligate...

Why didn't you replace the broken wonky slabs at the side of the house -it isn't supposed to be crazy paving you know!

Why have you never replaced the filter in the extractor fan?

NotanOtter · 30/03/2009 23:15

it was sweet of you to leave the window cleaner bill for £45

Hathor · 30/03/2009 23:16

Why did you take the light-bulbs and the blummin loo-roll holder and leave a large vomit stain at the foot of the stairs? You didn't do any cleaning from the time we signed the contract to when you moved out did you? You disgustin pigs.

And why were you still here after we had collected the keys from the agents?

NotanOtter · 30/03/2009 23:17

ahhh the loo roll holder that was kind

hope it fitted in your new bathroom

Hathor · 30/03/2009 23:20

Why didn't you give your new address to one old lady who sends you a Christmas card every year? Let me guess: did she vomit on your carpet just before you moved house????

NotanOtter · 30/03/2009 23:22

it was kind of you to come back from your new house ( in France) and 'steal' the sundial a month after we had moved in!

BoffinMum · 30/03/2009 23:23

Why oh why did you strip the coating off all the taps with some chemical so they all needed replacing?

And block the dishwasher with rice to the point which it died?

And spend hundreds getting a fancy patio laid down, with no concrete but just laying it on sand, so it is an uneven deathtrap now?

And install silly side-by-side speaker points in every room for a DIY centralised sound system, but not finish it off, so there are wires hanging out of the living room wall for no reason?

NotanOtter · 30/03/2009 23:24

Why did you put he plug sockets so low on the skirting board that you cant actually 'get' any plugs in it as they are scraping along the floor

NotanOtter · 30/03/2009 23:25

Your stock of 1974 Mead was NOT enjoyed when we moved in

NotanOtter · 30/03/2009 23:28

Oh yes - It was odd because I was pregnant but had not suffered from any sickness until...

dh opened the compost bin by your back door.....after i had puked all over the patio - we threw it on the skip but could still smell it after the skip had gone.....

NotanOtter · 30/03/2009 23:29
smurfgirl · 30/03/2009 23:37

Why did you put a kitchen in, with NO DRAWERS? Where did you keep your knives and forks?!

What were you thinking when you wallpapered your bedroom in lime green and orange, its hardly restful!

Simplysally · 30/03/2009 23:38

Why didn't you ever dust the place or clean your cooker hood? Or indeed the inside of the oven [boak].

Small crimes compared to some on here (the decorating is fine if a little.... tedious being all magnolia..) but I'm sure the girl in Tescos thought I had a cleaning OCD when she saw my trolley packed with cleaning products... two of everything bathroom related... and no food .

And your manky glasses/mugs/cutlery/sheets/towels.

They're in the garage if you want them back .

Twinklemegan · 30/03/2009 23:39

OK, here goes.

Woodchip on every bloody wall. Why? Woodchip painted dark green and orange, painted over in magnolia for selling (thank God). Were you colour blind?!

Vinyl flooring with hairy backing stuck down to wooden floors with what seems like superglue. Did you even consider the person who had to scrape it off?

Why oh why oh why put the living space upstairs, including the kitchen where there is NO hot water supply (apart from a mini water heater) when there is no view because you can't reach to see out of the veluxes. Then divide up the downstairs with a poky corridor that makes it feel like a council flat. Why oh why oh why?

And why didn't you tell us that reason you're drinking bottled water isn't the tiny risk of bacteria identified by the Council, to be fixed (my arse), it's because the water that comes out of the tap is like POND WATER!!

We knew the house needed work, we just didn't realise we needed to do a conversion of a conversion!

mrshippy · 30/03/2009 23:39

Why did you use Monoply board to fix one of the cupboards.

Why where there cuddly toy parrots in almost every room and why did you leave them there?

Why did you, cleverly and correcly, put sticky tape over the area of tile where you drilled, but then leave it there and attach the shower rail on top of it?

Why is there (still) a womans boot stuck and now half rotted into the top of the washing line post.

Why did you use what appears to be plaster of paris and bandages to block holes.

Why did you GLUE a grey carpet on top of the quarry tiles in the kitchen - why did you choose to put a carpet in there in the 1st place? Surely slippers or a washable rug would have been better.

I could go on...

Twinklemegan · 30/03/2009 23:40

Oh God I forgot, did you not clean the kitchen ONCE in your whole time here? It took me and my mum 2 days to clean it, and the oven was only fit for throwing out.

jumpingbeans · 30/03/2009 23:42

I know you worked in a dockyard, but why for the love of god, paint he whole house, yes the whole house battle ship grey

NotanOtter · 30/03/2009 23:53

The gold leaf coving 'sorry but no one liked it!'

Antdamm · 31/03/2009 00:04

Why did you put woodchip on the ceiling in the sitting room, but leave one wallpaper width strip free from woodchip??

Why did you paint the sitting room salmon pink with mint green skirting boards?? And then put down a horrendously minging dark green carpet.

Why do none of the cupboard doors in the kitchen match, there are four different kinds and two of them are covered in that stick on 'woodgrain' vinyl. Yuk

Why is the wallpaper in the kitchen cut squint - it has lines in the pattern on it ffs - and why oh why is one of the strips of wallpaper hung upside down???

Why was the main bedroom painted a garish purple ON TOP of wallpaper AND a border that was peeling off??

Why did you paint the hall and one of the bedrooms in a glossy peach paint??

Why did you decide to use 2 DIFFERENT types of textured wallpaper on 2 walls in the same bedroom??

Why did you paint the bathroom and one of the bedrooms Custard yellow? Did u want your bedroom to remind you of the bathroom?

Why did you paper textured wallpaper on top of wallpaper and a textured border so thick that it actually is visible under the textured wallpaper??? Thats just plain lazy.

Why is there a shelf connecting one cupboard in the kitchen to another??

Why did you leave behind massive pots of custard yellow paint and glossy peach paint in our loft - did you think we would want to use it??

Why, when you had your kitchen floor tiled did you decide to not do the whole floor?? Just doing up to where you put your kitchen units in, leaving a two foot gap around the kitchen walls. So that when the kitchen is to be ripped out, we have to replace the floor as the tiles are no longer available....?

Why did you decide to use fake wood panelling in the alcove in the kitchen? It looks dire. And why oh why did you decide to hide a plug socket in there?? With a little panel that you have to pop out if you want to turn the damn plug off.

Why did you insist on putting downlighters in every room?? Electricity bill was sky high. Why did you feel it necessary to put two downlighters in the alcove in the sitting room - it was only about two feet wide? Was this to illuminate anything in particular?? Because all that you had there was your tv....Why?

Think thats it....

Antdamm · 31/03/2009 00:06

Oh forgot to add,

Why did you insist on having gold door handles on every door and those lightswitch covers - also gold on every lightswitch??

gomez · 31/03/2009 00:09

Having had a bad day, a very large plumbers bill and a smelly house...

Why did you build the kitchen extenstion over the one and only manhole cover for the foul water drains.....

Then cover the fecker with (very nice, very expense, oh very broken) slate tiles.

You arse!

Feel better now, thanks.

NotanOtter · 31/03/2009 00:11

oh gomez

gomez · 31/03/2009 00:14

Thanks NotanOtter.

But still what are arse, eh!

Couldn't believe when I saw this thread tonight what an opportune moment.

I'll see your woodchip and dodgy coving and give you an utterly blocked waste system

BoffinMum · 31/03/2009 07:11

My god this thread is utterly cathartic.

hippipotamiHasLost14Pounds · 31/03/2009 08:21

Why did you paint all the original sash windows shut, then have locks fitted on them and lost the keys? Did you not like fresh air or was this part of your zombie plan?

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