To The People Who Owned My House Before Me I Would Just Like To Ask

[MintyyAeroEgg]

Why, why, why, when the kitchen measures 25ft by 12ft, you chose to confine the kitchen area (all the units and appliances) to about 1/3 of the available space, and devote the remaining 2/3 to a dining area - which you chose to CARPET in dark green carpet. I just cannot get my head round what you were thinking of, you silly silly silly twunts.

Anyone else?

Why did you paint your kitchen walls pink?

Why did you install such a large bathroom sink that it annexted 1/3 of the space for the bathtub, covering the bathtub taps? and why, avocado suite, brown carpet and snot coloured tiles?

Why did you make a fake ceiling in the bathroom, ensuring that the ceiling height was really suitable for very small people?

Why did you think it was a good idea to extend your kitchen sideways, then take the electric circuits from the BATHROOM upstairs? Did the thought of blowing the fuse and plummeting the house into darkness everytime somebody had a shower whilst also running the dishwasher amuse you?

Why did you not tell your bank, building society, pension planner, financial advisor, employer, doctor, football club, etc that you moved? Or order Royal mail forwarding?
We binned all the letters as we had no forwarding address.

AND TO YOUR OLD NEIGHBOUR: WHY DID YOU THINK IT A GOOD IDEA TO HIDE A BODY IN SACKS AND BURY IT AT THE BOTTOM OF YOUR GARDEN, BY OUR FENCE, THEN MOVE?? Oh dont answer that, we know why you moved. Who'd live with a corpse in their garden?

or hang on a second......
shit.

Oh Good thread.

Why did you tell us that you had lost the key for the patio door on the day that we came to view? Why could you not be honest and tell us that the door was broke beyond repair and would need replacing?

I can't beat a body in the garden next door but ours was pretty nasty....... (we did view but in our price range at the time had very limited options and the house was unsurprisingly cheap )

Why did you wallpaper the whole downstairs with wallpaper that looked like green Christmas wrapping paper?

Why didn't you make your children play football outside? Although not enormous, the garden is bigger and more suitable than the lounge/diner. It might have helped to save the carpets. You might have also found that the garden was bigger than you thought, if you had cut back the out of control hedges.

When having the double glazing fitted why didn't you complain to the company at the time that there were enormous gaps between the walls and the windows and take the appropriate action?

Why did you have to cook such smelly food that it took five years to completely get rid of the smell? Why didn't you make your children eat at a table so that they didn't drop their dinners all over the living room?

Why did you paint the blind in the kitchen luminous yellow with the nasty brown still showing through?

Why did you leave your ornaments in the living room? We assumed you didn't want them so took them down the tip - I didn't expect you to come back for them a year afterwards and be offended when I didn't have them. Generally if you want something, it's a good idea to take them with you.

Why did you put an additional toilet into the tiny 'bathroom' next to the separate toilet? The existence of two toilets may have been mildly useful, but the fact that as a result there was no bath I found distinctly annoying. While I'm on about the bathroom why did you put brown marble look alike plastic on the walls? I didn't find it fully convincing. Also, why was there a light which turned into a heater when you turned it off?

Why did you mend nothing? How did you live with a broken cooker? How on earth did you cope with a hole in the hose on the shower (when you didn't have a bath either). OK - maybe I know the answer to that question - yeuk! I wouldn't mind, but it only cost £2.50 from B&Q to buy a replacement.

Why did you let your children take food and drinks upstairs into their shared bedroom when clearly they enjoyed throwing them at each other?

Nine years later, I have a really nice house

Why did you feel that newspaper would do the job of underlay just as well? It doesn't.

Why did you have two toilets put side by side in the same bathroom, did you sit on the loo holding hands?

I feel SO much better about the state of my own hovel after reading this

On the corpse front, out neighbours were doing some work in their garden..... found a stash of bones.... called the police. Forensics arrived, and probably SOCOs (I love that abbreviation, don't know why). Great excitement in neighbourhood, and hushed whispers, and speculation.

The bones turned out to be cat bones. The remains of a number of beloved felines that once belonged to the neighbour on the other side.

Wtf were they doing burying their cats in the next door neighbours' garden??!

StripeyKnickers - love the image of side by side toilet trips.

Why did you think you could recreate the effect of double glazing by sticking two single glazed windows one on top of the other...in the kitchen?? it was a condensation trap and had to be ripped out.

Why did you not have legs on your radiators and instead left them propped up on piles of bricks?

why did you plant a huge bush righ outside a pair of french doors, thus making it impossible to open them and cutting off nearly all the light in the room

why did you have the loo in the bathroom right by the door so you fell over it when you came in...it was especially stupid given that the waste pipe was on the other side of the room where the loo should have been

why did you rip all the original wooden doors out and replace them with plywood rubbish which we had to bin

why did you cement a BBQ into the back patio? possibly because the kitchen was so SH*T you couldn't bring yourself to cook in it and BBQ'ed every day instead. Even worse, why did you have the effrontery to get all offended when you walked past the house and saw the thing lying in the skip, asking me "what else have you done to my house"...it wasn';t yours anymore

Why did you have a polestyrene ceiling in the sitting room - does the words fire trap mean anything?

did you ever clean?

Did anyone ever tell you you were the greediest people known to mankind the way you tried to screw every penny out ofus and convince us we were in a (nonexistent)bidding war? Luckily we gave you a take it or leave it 12 hour ultimatum....guess what...you took it because there was no bidding war.

I feel strangely better now.....

QuintessentialShadow - A corpse!!!

Really?

Who's?

Or What's?

fab thread

why, oh why, did you put a door with GLASS panels on the bathroom - was peeing a spectator sport?!

when you build the side extenstion, would it not have been sensible to put a door at the end of it, so you could reach the garden that way

you hung the wardrobe doors upside down in what is now DS's bedroom - that is why they look odd

i found a sausage in the flower bed the day after we moved in - i assume your dog have left it there

could you not have set up a postal redirection service - am sick of forwarding your mail on after a YEAR

oh, and if your DS was a plumber, why did everything leak?

side by side loos &

what were you thinking of having a pink lounge?
what were you thinking of doing the electrics yourself in a dangerous and illegal way?
what were oyu thinking of letting your disgusting dog bit chunks out of the insdie walls in the porch?

Ok, I have to say to my old neighbour, why did you feel the need to hammer nails in every wall in every room, how much stuff did you have hanging up? We were still finding them in odd places after we'd been here for 2 years. Also why did you sign your name in the oddest places?, on the hot water tank cover, on the wall in the cupboard at the end of the hall etc

For those of you who keep mentioning woodchip wallpaper on the walls and ceilings can I just ask, what should you put up instead?

My entire house is wallpapered in woodchip, has been like this since we moved in 9 years ago. It doesn't bother me too much to be honest although sometimes I do think about striping the living room but I can't seem to find any wallpaper that it just plain and can be painted onto it's all patterns or textured.

so, what would you put up? just out of interest.

Did you really smoke enough to make hall and living room walls and woodwork that grimy tobacco stain colour in your 5 years here, or did you deliberately choose the colour?

Oh and was it necessary to paint all the ceilings in the dark, you really missed some huge areas .... and I haven't finished redoing them all yet.

Linnet - I wouldn't put up any wallpaper, I'd just paint the walls. I'd replaster them first if they needed doing. Can't bare painted wallpaper.

oh dear poor deceased previous owners.....

why did you paint your bathroom canary yellow and fit it with a canary yellow bath, toilet and sink to match? didn't you know we can't afford a new bathroom so we're stuck with it?

why didn't you teach your grown up children to clear the house out properly after you'd gone? instead they left us a shed full of useless bits of wood, a loft full of useless bits of old carpet and wallpaper and a house full of furntiture we didn't want and a garage full of half empty paint tins (in aforementioned canary yellow)?

and finally why were you so friendly with yuor enighbours because now they feel the need to be just as friendly with us and tbh they annoy the tits off me?

, ah that feels better

Why didn't you point out to us that actually the indoor bbq gadget on the hob wasn't really practical because the industrial strength extractor fan didn't work properly.

why did you put a chest freezer in a shed halfway down the garden, then build the shed around it so it can't easily be removed as it is too big to pass through the door !

Why did you remove all the walls around your bedroom, so that the stairs opened straight into a cold, draughty room with your bed in the middle and tie-me-down hooks on either side?

And with the main bathroom downstairs, and as a single man who had his young son for the occasional overnight, why did you decide that the small cupboard upstairs would be most useful as a shower? (but then use it as a loo...)

girlandboy - It was quite old, they closed the case quietly. New neighbours found it when redoing their overgrown garden. Lots of police!

Oooh, at least all we found was the old mattress buried in our garden.

Oh, and dh has just reminded me that he dug up 2 bikes as well. I forgot about those!

dh assures me there is no body in our freezer ..... Now you're making me less keen to redo our wild bit fo garden - the resident foxes are bad enough .

Linnet - lining paper if the walls aren't up to being painted