Omg what do I do now?

[chocolatemuffin75]

I’ve been chatting to someone online for the past week, we have arranged to meet tomorrow, he’s just informed me he’s uploaded another photo of himself, as his others were not very clear and quite far away, my god he’s awful, I know looks aren’t everything but I just can’t meet him, Why couldn’t he have posted this one in the first place! He just looks so scruffy with a stubbly beard which I hate, his other photos are obviously older. How do I tell him I don’t wish to meet now? I feel a right cow but I just can’t meet him.

Yes the word "whiskers" is the most peculiar thing about this. What age are we talking here? Surely 60+

Because of an earring? It screams toxic masculinity if a man cant be attractive to a woman cos he wears an earring

Say what now?

OP, I’ve done a bit of internet dating. If you’re not feeling it from the conversations or his looks better to state that now. I once dated a man I didn’t find that attractive for 4 months. Great sex and ok company but that was about it.

If you’re going to ghost you can’t ghost straight after he’s updated the photo as that would be unkind to their self esteem. You need to put off the date for some reason and buy yourself some time and then a fictitious ex boyfriend could come back into your life and you could dear John this perspective date and then ghost.

There must be an awful lot of single people in the world then.

OP HAS CANCELLED THE CHEQUE DATE

Why the heck should she go through all this faff? She's only been chatting to him for a week. "Thanks, but no thanks" is all that's needed.

I didn’t and wouldn’t ghost him, I just sent a message saying I don’t think we are compatible, he replied “ oh have the whiskers put you off” I don’t think that’s worthy of a reply in my eyes.

Aw maybe you should reply to say something like "yes that's right, sorry" - just so it's clear to him!
(Up to you though of course!)

Okay so for next time - get AI to change a current picture of you to be several stone heavier and several years older, and make your hair grey, and then send it with "here's the latest one", then you won't have to dump anyone.

Oh Lordy this happened to me in my brief attempt at OLD year’s ago. His profile photo was really nice and we chatted online for about a week and then agreed to meet for a coffee. He sent me a photo he’d just taken so I’d recognise him and I think my stomach dropped out my toes! I was literally in shock and panic. He looked nothing like his profile pic. He looked liked a weathered old man. I try not to be too looks focused but when you’ve been set up by a photo more like Brad Pitt then they send you another, the night before, looking more like Rupert Murdoch, you’ve got a right to be angry! I told him straight, I might have even sounded mean (which I’m not in normal life) but I was furious, I felt set up. I actually cancelled and removed my membership after that and have never tried OLD since.

Do you think he may have done it on purpose to make you feel awkward and can’t back out anymore?

I’m not sorry though, he should be the one saying sorry

Only read page one but I'd just say 'going to be honest mate, I hate beards, like, they give me the actusl Willies. And I don't want you to feel you need to stay shaved all the time if it's not your normal so I don't think we fit'.

I don’t think that’s what toxic masculinity means.

Yes I do, but it back fired on him 😀

Not my style though.

I can tell you for certain that a man would definitely dump a woman who did this. I’ve heard men say they left immediately when their date turned up and didn’t look the same as in her pictures.
Several have just turned and walked away without spending any time at all on the date.
Posting old photographs or misleading photographs isn’t on. The op has every right to discard someone for any reason she wants, she isn’t a charity case.

Being called a gold digger, when talking about men with no gold is HILARIOUS 😂

I was assuming the earring was gold tbf!!

This threads filled with weirdos.

It's like they didn't get the memo that women are allowed to say no to dates with men they don't find attractive.

I recon many people are stuck telling themselves the lie that they didn't settle for their partner so it pisses them off to see someone else have standards and boundaries.

'Oh I'll grow to fancy him' HA! Hahaha no.

That, and a lot of the posters are disgruntled men. Like no hon, she's not a gold digger, she just thinks he looks rough as a badgers ass and guess what? Times are changing and women are raising their standards. Good.

Surely easier than having to send the dumping message - get them to ghost you.

Whiskers would make me cringe too. Regardless of wheather he shaved now or not, you don't owe him a date.

All these people calling you shallow can date him.

FWIW I have OLD guys with beards because we had great conversations and on the first meeting (after my saying I wasn't a fan of beards) every single one of them had shaved. A couple left a light, tidy stubble.

She’s not physically attracted to him.

He was deceitful about his photos.

I can find a man for you on a dating app, then you can date him. How’s that? You don’t need to be attracted to him and you are fine with him deliberately posting old photos so there shouldn’t be a problem, right?

Have you ever been on a dating app and swiped left? Have you ever had a man approach you in a bar and try to start a flirty conversation which you shut down? Have you ever avoided someone because you’ve been told they like you? Exactly the same thing is going on here.

This exact thing happened to me during covid, he showed up on the first date like a yeti 😂 he was using old pictures. He ended up being lovely in person and I felt comfortable enough to joke/recommended that he needed a shave and haircut, and he went and did it! It didnt work out but not because of the hair/beard 😂 no regrets meeting him