Was anyone else at Snape Maltings today? Did Alan get his table?

[WonderfulSmith]

Before I start I know it’s none of my business and I’m a bad person I’m sure but…

I was at Snape Maltings today which is a nice arts centre with a lovely shop selling all sorts of home wares and furniture. It’s very quiet and sedate.
Anyway, a woman started yelling at her husband. The whole place was pretending not to listen while giving each other looks. Turned out that he had ordered a perfectly innocent side table without talking to her about it first. She demanded that he cancel the order and he refused. He sat down on a sofa in the shop and she went and sat in the car. Every so often she’d come back and stick her head around the door, tell him the table was disgusting, and stomp back out.

When we left, Alan was still sat on the sofa. But I want to know how it ended. Are they still there now? Did Alan cancel the order?

Were any of you there?

@FortuneFaded Brilliant! Enjoyed reading that.

I can imagine we will eventually progress to a full blown West End show about Alan and his side table.

Ooo, I love grandfather clocks and Alan’s table. Go Alan!

It’s a pretty ugly table. I’m with Alan’s wife.

I hope the wife never snapped and farted

I love that this drama unfolded in Snape Maltings. I go there once a year on my way back from Southwold. It’s the absolute epitome of middle class naiceness. The scenery, architecture, shops, food, art and music are all so carefully curated and maintained. The perfect setting for a domestic imbroglio. Perhaps it was an immersive production of a new Mike Leigh play?

entirely agree, it is genius

Good idea!

Who will play Alan?
Mrs Alan?
@WonderfulSmith who would you cast as Alan and Mrs Alan? Let’s cast Tom Hardy in it, just because. Not as Alan though, he doesn’t seem a likely Alan.

I wonder if Alan has a side table obsession, like my mother. I was in her sitting room the other day and counted 5. It's not even a big room. Perhaps this is his 17th side table purchase this month.

I'm Team Alan, though. I don't like public scenes, so have taken against his wife. Plus, I don't like to see dogs being carried, they always look embarrassed.

Brilliant review of it

I think that’s fake

Oh well in that case, Alan and wife are world class art thieves who used the table row as a distraction. Obviously.

Omg, songs as well this is brilliant! 😂

Was that THE Alan?!

Ah this thread is very nostalgic, we used to holiday in Suffolk by the sea when I was a child ( over 40 years ago) and a trip to Snape Maltings or Aldringham craft market was an afternoon out! I don’t remember actually being allowed to buy anything though 😂.

#teamalanswife

Snape Maltings was transformed in the 1960s by Benjamin Britten and the singer Peter Pears into a big concert hall (was previously an old malting house. House? Dunno. Place anyway…) and is where the Aldeburgh music festival is held every year.

#teamalan but I prefer the Olive lacquer if I’d had to stick anything in the boot.

Good work, Daps!

I can picture Toby Jones playing Alan. The ordinariness of his character in The Detectorists mixed with the small man fighting the system in Mr Bates vs The Post Office. Go Alan !!

I haven't RTFT but my intel says that Alan's been having an affair for the last 3 years. Mrs Alan just found out and the side table was NOT the real issue here.

😳😳

Poor Alan probably hasn't had anywhere to put his mug of tea for years, having to balance it on his knee whilst watching Antiques Road Show. He's probably the got a in permanent knee-dentation and red burn mark on his skin.

Weird thread.

But the problem was, my whole kitchen at that time was in grey and black marble and chrome/stainless steel, it all matched and I really liked that kitchen.

I'm sorry @thebabayaga but that kitchen desperately needed the splash of colour that a bright red four-slice toaster would have given it.

Had she herself chosen it.

Are you Mrs Alan? What really happened at Snape Maltings?

Alan won’t cancel the table because he clearly has huge powers of passive resistance. His DP was out of order shouting like that amidst the hand made soap bars and their purchases, let alone insulting the poor table, but she’s right that it should have been a joint decision.

I also really like it! I think it looks lovely!

(Now wondering if I have shit taste. Oh well)