Jewish Orthodox Mum Part II AMA

[mirah2]

I'm probably letting myself in for it, but here goes...

New AMA to mop up any questions that didn't get answered on the first (full) thread. If you're sure (after reading all of that thread) that your question wasn't answered, or have a new question, please post.

I probably won't have time to reply until after dinner and kids' bedtime.

I am NOT the OP of the original thread. My frame of reference - Modern Orthodox, British (living in UK), convert, mixed race heritage.

Fellow Orthodox Jews of Mumsnet - feel free to crowd share answers, but please remember:

• this is not the shul kiddush. This is a public internet forum anyone can read
• please be sensitive and think about how others (Jewish and not Jewish) might interpret what you say. We sometimes have different working definitions of words within our bubbles so be mindful of that.

Go forth and post!

Chassidic Judaism is an umbrella term, within which there are many sects with different customs and cultures.

Some parts of chasidism are universal, for example following a Rebbe, men going to mikveh after a seminal emission, praying with a gartel (belt/strap), not eating gebrokts on Pesach (matzah that became wet), and more. But many other things are customs that differ from sect to sect.

For example a chosid belonging to Gur is quite different to one from Satmar to one from Lubavitch.

People sometimes migrate to different Chassidic sects, if they feel more connected to that path.

By the way, JeweyJew, are you always so arrogant and dismissive when women ask you questions?
Because if you're a rabbi, you're not a very good advert for your religion.

Experience of seeing the different shades and ruling on them. See PP above about shimush (hands on training).

I answered your question. You were the one being snarky and dismissive with the 'I asked the women'.

Looks like this thread is less welcoming than the previous one.

Friday night we have a family dinner. We set the table nicely and make nicer food then the weekdays. There are traditionally Jewish foods such as chicken soup, that are usually served. However they can totally be modernised and switched out.
Shabbos (Saturday) is a time of rest and connection. So we connect with family, friends. Its a hard stop every week which grounds us and gives us time to refocus and connect with God, our family and community.

Are you allowed to cook on Saturdays, or does that count as work?

Also, what kind of food would you typically have for breakfast?

@JeweyJew

I answered your question. You were the one being snarky and dismissive with the 'I asked the women'.

Much of the poster's original question on the topic was asking women specifically how they feel about the process. So it did feel jarring that you jumped in to say it's helpful to think of it in a certain way, when it was a woman's POV they were interested in.

You said in the previous thread that you're aware you can come across as aggressive and hostile and that it's something you want to work on.

It doesn't feel like you're actually doing that though, so perhaps this thread is a good opportunity for you to work on it actively.

Shabbos starts Friday dusk till Saturday night.

There are traditional set foods for both meals. Chassidim will be stricter in following the tradition, while more modern Jews might not be so rigid.

Friday night meal is kiddush (blessing said over a cup of wine), challah, fish, chicken soup (kneidels and lokshen optional), meat, dessert. Many will serve kugel with the meat, also various tzimmes (stewed foods), like sweet carrots, farfel, liver.

Shabbos day is kiddush, challah, fish, eggs & onion, cholent, kugel, dessert.

Kugel can be lokshen (pasta), potato, apple or several.

After the fish it's customary to drink a lechaim - some spirits or wine.

I've been married to a woman for many many years, so I know how 'they' feel. Or at least as much as any one woman could know.

And BTW only 1/3 of the question was about feeling.

No. In fact the reason for eating cholent (meat & beans stew) is specifically to have something hot that needs to stew overnight.

Shabbos breakfast is up to any individual. It's usually either entirely skipped or coffee and cake.

@JeweyJew Bedika cloths are a womens field. Can you leave it for us to answer?
I'm curious @JeweyJew which community are you from? Litvish or chassidish?

I am astonished by the arrogance shown by a man who has claimed that since he's been married to a women for many years, he knows how all women think.

What do the Jewish women on the thread think of this statement?

How did Judaism come to be passed down the maternal line? It seems so at odds (in a good way) with other more patriarchal religions. Do you think it gives women an elevated status in Judaism compared to their status in, say, more evangelical/fundamentalist Christian or Muslim families? With apologies if that’s a gross misrepresentation of one or all of those religions!

Chassidish, and I've taken more cloths to rabbis than I can begin to remember.

@JeweyJew being married to a woman does NOT mean you know how they feel .. how absurd

@TheShellBeach it's like being on a thread with our old friend Surplus!

Thank you for the new thread as I'd written the post but then it got to 1K posts and of course closed. I'd copied it in case I lost what is written so here it is:

Thank you for this thread, it's very interesting.
My question is about a female family member who has just married a Jewish man in the USA. I was surprised as didn't think Jews married outside of their own faith but are there exceptions or is it likely that he is not Orthodox? She hasn't taken his name and is awaiting citizenship. The situation is odd because it was a very surprise wedding with about 3 weeks notice. I'm worried for her generally at the speed but that's irrelevant and was to do with her having to either get married or leave the States. What would life be like for a non-religious woman marrying a Jewish man?
Thank you.

@JeweyJew

I've been married to a woman for many many years, so I know how 'they' feel. Or at least as much as any one woman could know.

It is staggeringly arrogant and self important to believe that because you're married to a woman you know as much about being a woman as a woman does. Of course women cannot individually speak for all women, but they can speak on the experiences of womanhood far more than a man can. The reverse is also true of course.

Due to this post you may be on a wind up but if not then I wish your wife well and I hope you can work on the way you speak to and about women as it leaves much to be desired.

I know how my wife feels. We do talk, you know, and we discuss our feelings.

Can you tell us why a 'mitzvah tantz' is considered to be controversial?

@JeweyJew you were trying to speak for all women btw. The height of arrogance

And yeah, you keep telling yourself that you know everything about what makes your wife a woman and how she feels about everything. I can categorically tell you that you're wrong ... with the same conviction that you think you're right

Jewish matrilineal descent has been a fundamental principle of Torah since the Jewish people came into existence. Women who gave birth to the child and traditionally raised the child are the fair ones to determine the child's identity.

What are you on about? I answered a question about one specific aspect of Jewish law, and how it relates to modesty and privacy.

What's more, the underlying issue shellbeach had was with the 'presumption of rabbis' to rule on bedikos. Which is a more generalised question/attack rather than a specific question about womanhood.

My answer to the modesty issue was that it should be framed as any other gyno issue which is often treated by a male doctor without a problem.

@JeweyJew

I know how my wife feels.

Is not the same as

I've been married to a woman for many many years, so I know how 'they' feel. Or at least as much as any one woman could know.

If a group of people told me I was coming across in a particular (negative) way to them, I would reflect on my behaviour to see if I could learn and grow. Not talk down to them and accuse them of poor comprehension.

We understand what you're saying perfectly mate, that doesn't change the fact that your tone is hostile and your attitude is needlessly rude and dismissive 🤷🏻‍♀️

You said on the previous thread that you know you come across as rude sometimes and don't wish to. Now is a great time to make some changes and in the process not derail what has, thanks to other posters, been a fascinating and respectful discussion.

The way you speak to women is very telling and definitely something worth working on.