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Original poster

AIBU to ask you to talk me out of cancelling this date tonight?

291 replies

Posypointshoes · 17/04/2023 18:28

I’ve name changed for this because the background is incredibly outing.

I have a date tonight with someone I’ve liked for YEARS but I am absolutely bricking it.

We knew each other as children, we used to dance together. We did ballroom and competed so spent a LOT of time together and were very close, stayed close during our teens, then we went to separate universities and stayed in touch.

we had a falling out when I stopped dancing and he wanted to continue and didn’t speak for several years, then got talking again - by which point we were both married to other people. We stayed very loosely in touch but not close like we used to be.

neither marriage worked out - nothing to do with each other.

We’ve been talking again, and he asked me out on a date/for a drink tonight and I’ve been really looking forward to it as I really like him.

the thing is I haven’t seen him for ages. I was always in amazing shape from dancing when I was younger, but while not in bad nick I’m not like I used to be. I feel old! And like I have nothing interesting to say. I’ve lost all my confidence and I’m worried I’ve built him up in my head over the years to be something he’s not.

i don’t know what’s wrong with me, I really like him. But I also just want to stay at home!!

OP posts:
lala2023 · 17/04/2023 18:30

Please go

I need to live vicariously through you !

Supernova23 · 17/04/2023 18:32

Just go. You have history. Have a couple of drinks before hand, will take the nerves right off. Obviously don’t get hammered lol

Mabelface · 17/04/2023 18:33

He'll be having all the same insecurities. Go!

alwaysthefool · 17/04/2023 18:33

Are you not leaving this question a bit late? Sorry but I assume you’re meeting like within an hour?

Just imagine how you’d feel tomorrow knowing you didn’t go. There’s your answer either way.

Ragwort · 17/04/2023 18:35

Just go - is it necessarily a 'date' or just catching up with an old friend ... I would assume the latter and act horrified if he sees it as a 'date' Grin unless you really fancy him.

Original poster
Posypointshoes · 17/04/2023 18:36

Meeting at eight thirty. So yes, leaving it very late but I just feel all over the place. I did consider a drink but I’m such a lightweight these days!
It’s mad because I know him, he’s not a complete stranger, and I’m the most nervous I’ve ever been about a date.
I know I’m going to have to go by the way, I have left it too late to cancel but god do I want to just hide in my house and do it another day.

OP posts:
Evaka · 17/04/2023 18:36

Go! At worst you'll have a catch up with an old friend. At best, could be the start of something fabulous. My man and i were best friends in uni, then lived on different continents for over 10 years, I had a failed marriage, he had various relationships, and then at 35 we ended up back in our hometown and quickly got together. Always fancied him, and six years in it's a very special relationship. If you feel you have nothing to say, just ask lots of questions. If you feel a bit old, remember he's been busy getting older too. Good luck!

CuteCillian · 17/04/2023 18:37

Both of you will have changed.
This is just a chance to catch up with an old mate and why would you miss out on that?
Get over yourself and get ready!

BevMarsh · 17/04/2023 18:37

If you don't go you'll be forever wondering what tonight might have been like.
It will be nice to catch up.
Don't pile the pressure on yourself.
You're meeting up with an old friend.

Stressybetty · 17/04/2023 18:37

Maybe view it as an opportunity to catch up with a
him as a friend rather than as a potential date. Be yourself, wear something you're comfortable and confident in. He'll have aged and changed as well and have insecurities too.

Original poster
Posypointshoes · 17/04/2023 18:37

@Ragwort i really fancy him 🙈🙈 had a huge crush on him throughout our dancing career and it never properly went away. although now you’ve got me thinking maybe he thinks it’s just a drink and a catch up. He did say date. Maybe he means a mate date.

OP posts:
DancedByTheLightOfTheMoon · 17/04/2023 18:38

Just look at it as more of a catch up. I think you'd regret it if you don't go.
Go and enjoy yourself.

OnlyFannys · 17/04/2023 18:39

Well.if he isnt part of your life right now the worst case scenario is that he continues not being part of your life so really you have nothing to lose

5128gap · 17/04/2023 18:40

If you like him, then don't be so mean as to cancel on him last minute. Not fair on a nice guy to do that.
Unless he's stupid he'll know you'll be older.
You don't need to say 'interesting things' most people are as happy as Larry to be asked some questions about their own lives and opinions, and be listened to. Then it flows from there.
If you've built him up, then you'll be disappointed if he doesn't meet standards. Which is unfortunate but not the end if the world.
Its Monday. Its not like you're wasting a premium night on him if he's a bit rubbish.
It might, just maybe, be great.

ScottBakula · 17/04/2023 18:40

Go , what have you got to lose ?
you will reminisce , talk about your marriages and DCs , and hopefully make plans to meet up again

AbsoIutelyLovely · 17/04/2023 18:42

Come on OP! Faint heart never won fair lady!!

60smusic · 17/04/2023 18:46

You'll be fine.

A good friendship usually picks up from where it left off. It sounds like you had a great friendship.

Don't over think whether it's a date or a meet up, just view it as meeting your friend who you haven't seen in a while. Chances are the minute you see each other, all fears go out the window and you'll both be just very happy to see each other.

Get yourself ready, put on some music have a small drink, go and enjoy your night, don't have any expectations, just enjoy the moment.

He'll have changed too and will probably be having the same thoughts. Remember we're our own worst critics.

Enjoy

OnedayIwillfeelfree · 17/04/2023 18:47

Just go and enjoy yourself! You are not committing yourself to him by going out for an evening. Have a lovely time!

Nowvoyager99 · 17/04/2023 18:49

Remind yourself that meeting up is as much about you assessing whether he’s someone you want to pursue a friendship or relationship with, not the other way round.

I hope it goes really well ❤️❤️❤️🪩

TheStrangestTimes · 17/04/2023 19:01

Go!

Agree with pp who said to treat it as a catch up, it will take the pressure of for you.

He's obviously never forgotten you... After all this time, now you are both single, he wants to meet...

Maybe it will only ever be friends, maybe it will be more. But you lost touch once before, you don't want that to happen again (unless of course you discover he's changed and isn't quite the lovely bloke you used to fancy anymore - but there's only one way to find out).

Go, and have fun. Fingers crossed for you OP.

LadyLolaRuben · 17/04/2023 19:04

Go and catch up with an old friend OP. Let us know how it goes!

Original poster
Posypointshoes · 17/04/2023 19:13

Thank you. You’ve calmed me down a lot. I’m nearly ready. I have a (small) glass of wine. I don’t have to leave until twenty to. Thinking about it as a catch up has made me chill out a tiny bit

OP posts:
determinedtomakethiswork · 17/04/2023 19:17

You should definitely go! I'm really looking forward to hearing how it went, and wish you all the best.

Danielle8p · 17/04/2023 19:19

@Posypointshoes make sure you update throughout the date and after! I NEED to know how it's going.. I love this x

Macmeme · 17/04/2023 19:21

Please go and put on here how it went 😘 if you don’t go you’ll no doubt regret it x