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Original poster

How broken are you?

329 replies

Quackpot · 13/01/2022 10:58

I've just boiled the kettle, washed my cup, set it down on the table, popped the teabag on the worktop and poured water all over it. Only realised when I tried to stir it 😂

What the fuck?

Why?

Can you beat that 🤣

OP posts:
CovoidOfAllHumanity · 28/01/2022 21:46

I once did the stock down the sink, bones saved trick in a professional kitchen. I was the teenage kitchen porter and the chef was very much not amused.

TeeNoG · 28/01/2022 22:38

Whilst pregnant, I became very frustrated and tearful that I couldn't fit my load of washing into the machine. I then realised I was attempting to stuff it into the kitchen drawer, not the washing machine......

Giggorata · 29/01/2022 05:53

This thread has been the long sad story of my life… including enthusiastically shouting “tractor!” with no toddler in the vicinity, answering the tv remote instead of the phone and trying to enlarge book pages.
My motto might just as well be: My Fridge is My Cupboard.
This week I went to town collect my pills. I did some shopping, had a wander round the garden centre and had a cup of tea. Then I went home, with a vague feeling that I had forgotten something. No bloody pills.

Moooning · 29/01/2022 18:28

Back in the 90s when I was a teenager and having epic amounts of fun on my parents death trap of a trampoline I had the sudden urge to empty my bowels. I was so focused on getting back to my bouncing that I ran to the bathroom and took a massive shit...in the bidet.

I remember looking at the toilet next to me and thinking 'this isn't very comfortable'

NothingIsWrong · 29/01/2022 18:51

My car started to overheat badly and for some reason I thought the best thing to do was drive with all the windows open. Did this for a couple of days (in February), arriving wild eyed, windswept, wet and freezing everywhere.

Booked my car into the garage, they couldn't replicate the error so when I picked it up they told me to demonstrate.

They had to explain to me that it was normal for the temp gauge to sit in the middle of the dial and the car was working perfectly.

I'd owned the car 5 years at that point and just had never noticed the temp gauge until one day I clocked it and panicked because I though it was overheating....

OldEvilOwl · 08/02/2022 15:34

The other day I made a lovely vegetable minestrone and when it was ready to serve, I put a colander in the sink and DRAINED my soup

I did this with Gravy. Sieved it away and kept the lumps. Even worse It was in work, and to go with the sunday lunches

ihaveonecat · 08/02/2022 15:43

Chucked a pair of jeans on top of a black cardigan on the bed. Except it was the cat, not a cardigan

Separate day, picked up the black cardigan to put it in the wash basket. Only to find it was again, a very disgruntled cat that I was launching into the wash basket

Put the kettle in the fridge and milk on the kettle base

Taken the wrong medication. Twice Blush and then had to try and explain to OOH that no I wasn't trying to overdose, I just took the wrong tablets and then took them AGAIN Blush
OOH were very HmmHmm
Me "I'm just TIRED alright"

tinselvestsparklepants · 08/02/2022 15:49

My finest moments have included putting an electric kettle into a gas hob, and trying to get into my flat using my Oyster card. Neither successful, only the first one resulted in melting plastic.

SliceOfCakeCupOfTea · 08/02/2022 15:56

So pleased I found this thread. This morning I drove DS to school, got out the car, had to so something in the boot quickly, and then drove to work...and took DS with me.

We chatted the whole way in. He's only 5 so just didn't question why he hadn't gotten out the car.

I work an hour away from the school and it was my boss that asked why I had brought DS with me before I REALISED what I'd done.

REP22 · 08/02/2022 16:04

@BoodleBug51

I had a streaming cold and felt really poorly. I went for a wee, flushed, put my jeans up and then blew my nose. Went to throw the tissue down the toilet and threw my phone down it instead Hmm

I actually stood looking at it for about 10 seconds thinking what's that before screaming.............and yes it was ruined.

Oh lord, that happened to me. The internal "to flush, or not to flush..." debate (I didn't. Awful. And the phone was ruined anyway).

I swear the dog was laughing at me.

OldEvilOwl · 08/02/2022 16:22

A couple of weeks ago I was so tired that when I went to do a lft (testing daily as DP had Covid), I got everything ready and put the swab straight in the liquid without sticking it up my nose at all. I then stood there for about 30 seconds wondering if I could stick the swab up my nose anyway, before commonsense kicked in and I got another one out

I did that but used it anyway - it was negative

ShortKipper · 08/02/2022 16:56

I was making a beef and red wine reduction for a dinner party that evening. Started in the morning by making the stock from beef bones, onion, carrot etc for a couple of hours in the pressure cooker. Then put the stock and veggies into a pan, added red wine and lots of expensive dried mushrooms and simmered for another hour or two until my sauce was nicely reduced and glossy.

Got a sieve out to strain the veg off, put it over the small sink and poured my sauce down the drain.

QOD · 09/02/2022 03:33

@ihaveonecat

Chucked a pair of jeans on top of a black cardigan on the bed. Except it was the cat, not a cardigan

Separate day, picked up the black cardigan to put it in the wash basket. Only to find it was again, a very disgruntled cat that I was launching into the wash basket

Put the kettle in the fridge and milk on the kettle base

Taken the wrong medication. Twice Blush and then had to try and explain to OOH that no I wasn't trying to overdose, I just took the wrong tablets and then took them AGAIN Blush
OOH were very HmmHmm
Me "I'm just TIRED alright"

Oh god. My medication disaster was that I’d had shoulder reconstruction surgery. Was on liquid morphine, Tramadol and 30/500 co codamol

As I could only use one arm, dh used to prep my little days worth into separate small bowls.
5mls of morphine in a syringe, 2 co cod, 2 Tramadol
Then the lunchtime dose in another little bowl.
He was so organised. Notepad with times for me to tick as I took each thing in order. Something every 2 hrs
Yep. One morning I took the lot. It was as I was sucking on the second syringe of morphine that I realised 💁🏻‍♀️
I had a very good nap that morning (and mum had to come sit with me)

DrMadelineMaxwell · 11/02/2022 22:58

I opened my eye drops without looking when suffering with incredibly itchy hayfever eyes, and tipped them in.

Only to find it was a bottle of nail varnish topcoat.

A&E triange nurse was incredulous that I'd done it to myself.

Gingernaut · 11/02/2022 23:06

I've tried using my electronic ID card (the type that opens electrically operated doors) to get into my house, I've also tried to use it on the touch pad on buses and train stations.

ToooOldForThis · 11/02/2022 23:14

I have so many!

Had to be rescued by our school office lady on one of my first days back after mat leave...standing sadly at the back door pointing my car key at it and clicking,wondering how I was going to get out and get home

Walking 3yr old dc the very short distance to nursery just after having dc2...3 year old asking to be carried, saying feet were sore...me saying don't be silly we're not going far etc.. I'd forgotten to put her shoes on.

Wore 2 different shoes to massive meeting. Someone else drove me there, had to wear them all day.

Having young kids so close to the menopause is a terrifying combination Grin

CatherinedeBourgh · 11/02/2022 23:22

@KurtWilde

I've lost count of the amount of times I've panicked thinking my glasses are lost and start frantically looking for them, whilst wearing them 😂
I regularly ask my dc where my glasses are while I'm wearing them. They don't even react, just answer 'on your face' and keep doing what they were doing...
Yebbie · 11/02/2022 23:22

I went on a night out a few years ago, got very drunk and woke up next morning in my childhood bedroom. Rather than a 10 min taxi to my house, with my husband and kids in, I got a 50 minute taxi to my parents house. Used spare key and slept in my old bedroom. Parents woke up and found me in the morning and we were all very confused! I'd moved out 8 years earlier! Thankfully they hadn't moved Grin

nodates · 11/02/2022 23:23

Did an online shop. I usually put all sorts of things in my online basket to secure a delivery. I then go through it just before the delivery day so that I am only spending within my budget.

I forgot to do that and ended up with all sorts of things I didn't need.

Yebbie · 11/02/2022 23:27

And a sober one, I work Mon, Tues and Weds every week. Toddler goes to nursery Monday and Tuesday but is at home with dh on Wednesdays, I finished work on a Wednesday and went to nursery as I do the other nights. I walked in and waited at the door, his key worker came to the door and just said hi, you alright? I said yes you? She just nodded and looked at me weirdly. I was just staring at her thinking what is going on why is she being so weird. She asked if she could help me and I was just like yes, my kid? The one that was at home, with dh, and very much not in nursery. Done that twice now in the couple years he's been there.

ABitOfAShitShow · 11/02/2022 23:45

@Yebbie

And a sober one, I work Mon, Tues and Weds every week. Toddler goes to nursery Monday and Tuesday but is at home with dh on Wednesdays, I finished work on a Wednesday and went to nursery as I do the other nights. I walked in and waited at the door, his key worker came to the door and just said hi, you alright? I said yes you? She just nodded and looked at me weirdly. I was just staring at her thinking what is going on why is she being so weird. She asked if she could help me and I was just like yes, my kid? The one that was at home, with dh, and very much not in nursery. Done that twice now in the couple years he's been there.
‘Yes, my kid’ made me properly laugh. 😂
VivX · 12/02/2022 00:00

Took both contact lenses out. Literally seconds later, had forgotten that I had already taken both out. And then tried to remove non-existent contact lens by attempting to pinch eyeball.

Shuffletime · 12/02/2022 00:03

Just went up to bed with my phone and a glass of water. Tried plugging the phone charger into the base of the glass.

ladydimitrescu · 12/02/2022 00:30

I once used toothpaste instead of haemorrhoid cream.
It was not pleasant Grin

VivX · 12/02/2022 01:24

Went to open my car door. Got very frustrated that it wasn't opening because how hard should it be, really... Finally realised it wasn't my car at all and had to casually walk on to my actual car two spaces down.