The random comment men

[brokenbiscuitsx]

You know the ones, not the ‘leery car shouters’ but those who feel they can make comments about what you, a stranger, is doing when going about their business (and I’ll add not harming anyone!)

Just now I popped to the shop to collect a parcel, when I was there I grabbed a coffee from their Costa pod and a blueberry muffin. The man behind me piped up “You’ll get fat eating that” I was really taken aback so just said “thanks for your comment, random man” paid and then as I was walking out past him he said, no need to be so rude and mumbled ‘stroppy cow’ but I heard.

I wasn’t rude I just asserted myself and that is the issue isn’t it. He was expecting me to laugh along ‘oh I already am tee hee’ (I’m not) but no, I’m sick of it.

It happens too often as well. I have had a random man comment on how I could run better in the park when I was having a break and a man who saw my Led Zeppelin tshirt and said ‘what’s your favourite song then?’ So I said ‘Heartbreaker- you probably haven’t heard of it’ and he mumbled something at me and walked off (I knew he was trying to catch me out, hoping I didn’t know any songs!)

I don’t really know what my AIBU is, I guess, is it rude? Should I have just smiled sweetly like the passive woman I am meant to be. I’m just sick of these types of men! He took offence with me speaking up, perhaps he should learn not to make comments to random strangers.

Does anyone else get this, maybe I have that sort of face that men can’t help commenting to. If so, how do you cope with it?

Just, ugh, makes me angry.

@5128gap

As amusing as they are, I think the responses will be unlikely to have the desired effect on the RCM. Above all they want attention, and even negative attention shows you've noticed them and their comment has hit a nerve, which is exactly what they are hoping for. I think its incredibly unlikely that they will be embarrassed by being called out (way too arrogant and thick skinned) or think twice about it in future (your opinion doesn't matter, and your wit is wasted) so unless you get personal gratification from responding its probably not worth it. I think acting like you haven't even seen or heard them and they don't matter enough for you to notice them probably hits harder.

I'm not sure about that - I think many men are genuinely unaware of their entitlement and just how and why comments on women's looks are unwelcome. I've seen men really hurt when women react angrily to what they think is a 'perfectly acceptable' [deeply personal judgemental, unwelcome and inappropriate] comment.

It's just another feature of our horribly sexist culture.

I remember listening as a very well meaning poet choose and read a poem he'd written specifically for an audience of middle-aged women, on how he'd seen an older woman in the street and been struck by how she was actually surprisingly beautiful despite her age, only to be flustered by his stony-faced female audience's reaction.

@LadyCatStark

I have a naturally miserable face 😂 and I always get, “smile, it might never happen!”

1. Why would I be wandering through Aldi car park with a huge smile on my face and
2. what if it already has happened?

Exactly! And I also have a miserable face 🤣

@Taliskerskye

Cunts they are all cunts Thank the lord everyday that you’re not married to one or one isn’t your dad.

And well done for answering back. The stupid cunting cunts

Yeah... My Dad, husband and two adult sons never have, and never would, make comments like that to women.

I don’t get these ‘helpful’ comments. However, at 6ft 1, I am bigger than most of the RCM. So I think there definitely is an element of power play here.

@Battleneck You genuinely believe that most times men make comments about weight or smiling they are deliberately trying to hurt or exert power over women?

You might be right. Maybe the percentage of men like this is higher than I imagine, and maybe they're the ones doing the vast majority of the "talking to strangers" thing. I would have thought that most are just clueless idiots, not outright scum, but maybe I'm wrong.
***
So why do men become aggressive when women don't play along? Why do women fear men's responses? You are not really reading these threads. This isn't "normal conversation".
Your ignorance shows how deep the entitlement of men runs. You don't see it or understand it as you don't experience it and lack the belief or empathy to truly understand the FEAR that underlies women's acquiescence to this BULLSHIT from men.

Oh beautiful rose
Thou art rare in thou age defying beauty
Whenst I saw thee in Lidl car park,
pushing thy loaded trolley
Trout thought I
Stunned herewith as ye turned
Not a trout at all!
Most becometh for thine age!

@MarieIVanArkleStinks

Seriously - read what the fcuk I said.

And now getting aggressive when challenged. Notice the pattern with this?

...THIS....

That was in response to @ArabellaScott poet anecdote...

I have been told by random men that:
1- men don’t like girls who wear too much make up
2- your tattoos will look shit when you’re old
3- “walk your dog properly” ( I kid you not)
4- you’d be prettier with longer hair, oh and don’t dye it as it makes you look “aggressive”
5- “you dress like a teenage girl”( I was 41 at the time)
Zero fucks given during every encounter. And I have commented on RCMs day to day business how many times? None
Knobs

Im in my 40s and don't get male attention as I did when younger now and this never happens. This sort of thing did when younger. It seems like a chat up line - an horrendous one obviously, with unpleasant undertones. He most likely found you attractive and this is the way of pulling any comment out the bag. I honestly believe many guys have no idea how this sort of thing is received by women.

This is seriously too much men bashing. We have fathers, brothers, sons, partners and husbands we love. Let's respect each others genders and stop reading into some of these innocent comments. There will always be the exception to the rule but these comments are such a HUGE generalisation about men. I'm a strong independent (married) woman who believes in equality for all.

@Connie999

This is seriously too much men bashing. We have fathers, brothers, sons, partners and husbands we love. Let's respect each others genders and stop reading into some of these innocent comments. There will always be the exception to the rule but these comments are such a HUGE generalisation about men. I'm a strong independent (married) woman who believes in equality for all.

Jeez Louise! We are not talking about "innocent comments". RCM wouldn't tell another man he might get fat, would he? Or pass comment on another man out running? There is a difference (and women are perceptive enough to recognise this) between a genuine friendly, pleasant, "lovely weather", "oops sorry, no, you go first" type of comment, and one that is a subtle undermining, dig, attempt to make the woman feel uncomfortable or assert soem kind of "I own the public space and don't you forget it" or "Woman therefore you exist for me to look at ". Do you perhaps think your father/brother/husband/son/ etc speak to women like this? I'll bet they NEVER speak to other men like this.

Sorry, haven’t rtft yet but was very pissed off today in a somewhat related fashion, stuck in traffic and biker decides to create a lane between the cars and knock off part of my wing mirror before realising he can’t push through- I wind down window and ask him to pick it up and pass it to me seeing as he is on a bike, has created the issue, I have a : month old in the back and we are in a motorway slip road; he argues with me about it and the car on the other side feels the need to shout a ‘good luck mate’ to the biker before moving forward…WHY?! Because I’m a hysterical woman?! It’s no safe for me to leave my vehicle that it is for him to flick out his stand lean down and pick up the bit of my car he broke off- why did this other person comment?!! Actually had my husband on the hands free when it happened so hot full back up that I spoke and behaved calmly and rationally. “Good luck mate” I ask you!!

How embarrassing,.

To to be a women who feels the need to Police other women, discussing male privilege, which they state they haven't experienced.

Fair enough, how lucky you are. But DFOD.

I have been told by random men that:
1- men don’t like girls who wear too much make up
2- your tattoos will look shit when you’re old
4- you’d be prettier with longer hair, oh and don’t dye it as it makes you look “aggressive”

Your post reminds me of “Be A Lady”: vimeo.com/393253445

I’m a florist and when I’m delivering flowers on foot, I often get men asking “are those for me, love?”
One day on a delivery, I had to walk past a bunch of builders with a huge bouquet and I could see it coming…
so when I inevitably got asked, my reply was
“not unless your name is Betty, or is that just at weekends? 😉”
Made him look stupid and got a laugh from his mates anyway 😂

@Connie999

This is seriously too much men bashing. We have fathers, brothers, sons, partners and husbands we love. Let's respect each others genders and stop reading into some of these innocent comments. There will always be the exception to the rule but these comments are such a HUGE generalisation about men. I'm a strong independent (married) woman who believes in equality for all.

Sorry but when they yell “nice tits!” from their car they lose any right to respect. Maybe they need to think about how their actions have consequences.

I don’t see how it’s man bashing it’s just bashing ‘those types’ of men. If they aren’t those types of men it isn’t about them. I just mentioned this to my (wonderful) DP and he said the same.

You play stupid games you get stupid prizes (the game being a jerk to women, the prize: getting called out on it)

I’m a man. I have never nor would ever make such a comment. Unfortunately many men are twats. We’re not all twats though.

@Byebye1to1

I’m a man. I have never nor would ever make such a comment. Unfortunately many men are twats. We’re not all twats though.

We know. Its only around 10% but in some areas they are very vocal.

Thank you for not being one.

@ZeldaPrincessOfHyrule

Can I suggest we lock Battleneck and pbvincent in a room together? I reckon they'd entertain each other no end, and no women would be annoyed in the process.

😂😂😂

@pbvincent

You are either deranged or on drugs.

You sound utterly vile. To everyone.

@username18702

Oh beautiful rose Thou art rare in thou age defying beauty Whenst I saw thee in Lidl car park, pushing thy loaded trolley Trout thought I Stunned herewith as ye turned Not a trout at all! Most becometh for thine age!

I was going to collect my children from school a few years back and a man told me to smile as it might never happen. I stopped and said in no uncertain terms that it had already happened as my father had died yesterday. I even had tears in my eyes as a walked towards him and he did not notice. Bloody stupid idiot.

@Akire

Someone posted this before on another thread it’s amazing It should be compulsory viewing for all men who tell a woman to smile. Enjoy!

I hate 'cheer up it might never happen,' like it's my job to walk around looking cheerful for men, because it's always men that say it 100% of the time.
I usually reply saying my mum died that shuts them up. She is dead so I'm not tempting fate or anything.
I just wouldn't dream of commenting on someone's facial expression or even think for a moment it has anything to do with me.
It also happens when I have bright unusual coloured hair, or clothes, something like 'haha can't miss you ,' or some other unfunny unwanted comment. I wouldn't dream of going up to them and commenting on their builders arse or bald patch. The only comments I've ever had or made to a woman has been polite comments , eg ' ooh I like your earrings,' or 'your hair looks great.'

Not totally related but I walked past a group of teens the other night and as I passed one muttered ' wow that needs a bit of makeup.' I stopped in my tracks turned round and said 'what did you say?' 'Err nothing .' 'Yes you did, what did you say?' Bright red face and stuttering, 'err I was talking to him' 'what, you think he needs some makeup?' It was totally worth making an issue of it because when he was put on the spot he looked pathetic and it showed him he can't go round insulting women and not expect to get pulled up about it.
Just shows even as teens, males think women are put on the earth to look attractive for them.