The random comment men

[brokenbiscuitsx]

You know the ones, not the ‘leery car shouters’ but those who feel they can make comments about what you, a stranger, is doing when going about their business (and I’ll add not harming anyone!)

Just now I popped to the shop to collect a parcel, when I was there I grabbed a coffee from their Costa pod and a blueberry muffin. The man behind me piped up “You’ll get fat eating that” I was really taken aback so just said “thanks for your comment, random man” paid and then as I was walking out past him he said, no need to be so rude and mumbled ‘stroppy cow’ but I heard.

I wasn’t rude I just asserted myself and that is the issue isn’t it. He was expecting me to laugh along ‘oh I already am tee hee’ (I’m not) but no, I’m sick of it.

It happens too often as well. I have had a random man comment on how I could run better in the park when I was having a break and a man who saw my Led Zeppelin tshirt and said ‘what’s your favourite song then?’ So I said ‘Heartbreaker- you probably haven’t heard of it’ and he mumbled something at me and walked off (I knew he was trying to catch me out, hoping I didn’t know any songs!)

I don’t really know what my AIBU is, I guess, is it rude? Should I have just smiled sweetly like the passive woman I am meant to be. I’m just sick of these types of men! He took offence with me speaking up, perhaps he should learn not to make comments to random strangers.

Does anyone else get this, maybe I have that sort of face that men can’t help commenting to. If so, how do you cope with it?

Just, ugh, makes me angry.

And things have gotten worse since Covid started. Many people just want to talk to hear themselves after being stuck indoors for months

The fucking doctors and paramedics telling women to cheer up... Those have got to be the worst examples of this I've ever heard.

Also for the people wilfully confusing making conversation with making intrusive and unkind comments, can you really not see the difference between 'ooh that muffin looks delish' and 'that's going to make you fat, love' ? If so, then you should definitely not be attempting to chat to strangers, ever.

@Akire - that video is fabulous!!!! I'm going to share it with all of my friends.

And yes to all the men touching when you are pregnant - I remember when I was pregnant with DS1 and I was a senior marketing person in a head office (this is only relevant because I was hosting a meeting ) and a man who managed one of our retail units came over and touched my bump and seemed to think I would be thrilled!!!

And I still get the random man comments when I go out even though I am middle aged - so it is not an age thing.

I also strongly disagree with the person who said we are all horrible for detesting this - believe me, if you have spent a lifetime having men make suggestions to you on everything from smiling to running to parking to ordering food - the whole of life - you too would want to roar "shut up, random man" to them all (but your comment OP is way less confrontational so I shall use that, thank you).

I really think they do.

Not excusing it at all, but I think the issue is that their tiny minds can't actually see why this kind of thing is offensive to women.

They just don't have that kind of capacity for empathy and self-reflection.

I disagree personally, it's a challenge to you to do something or to react a certain way, but they know you probably won't, and when you don't, they win anyway

I say this from the point of view of a man btw but so many experiences listed here are very recognisable from the sort of intimidating banter bollocks that some dickheads like to participate in. They spot targets and they make a move, however you deal with it, it's meant to be impossible for them to lose

I walked out a shop once and some guy going in just took my can out my hand and walked off with it. I just thought fuck it and went back in to buy another can and he kicked right off cos I wasn't trying to get it back. I told him I didn't give a fuck about a 50p can of drink and he started kicking off more saying that I was calling him poor

I walked back into the shop and he came and shoved the drink back in my hand and told me to learn to take a fucking joke

It's the same fuckers, they do it for their own little kick

I'm a bit pissed off that I'm too old and invisible to try out any of these lines.

Separately, I randomly talk to people. Not to tell them to cheer up or not get fat etc. I do like a bit of random conversation though. Is that weird? Am I random middle aged lady who says hello to everyone and is worryingly friendly?

@Taliskerskye

Cunts they are all cunts Thank the lord everyday that you’re not married to one or one isn’t your dad.

And well done for answering back. The stupid cunting cunts

Late to the party but YES

@supaloops

I was leaving the Early Pregnancy unit and a male doctor I was passing in the corridor randomly said to me "cheer up, no-body's died". I'd just been informed my baby had died. I wish I'd had the energy to confront, but I was in shock and an emotional wreck.

I'm so sorry for your loss, supaloops, and that shitty comment. How is it they don't even get it when they're working in a building where frequently people receive bad news?

Your story reminded me of the hospital porter who said to me "Cheer up love. I bet it's a girl isn't it. It's a girl - girls are always trouble." He was literally wheeling me to theatre for a D&C after losing said baby at 12 weeks.

It's like even their logical brain, that surely has taken in the surroundings and the situation, isn't enough to override the seemingly innate need to provide a random comment.

"Thanks random man, your opinion is noted"

Nope.

"Thanks random man, your opinion is irrelevant"

Much more accurate.

Oh Sh!t,

I am a Random comment man, and didn't know it.

I am random comment man to Men, Women, Children and believe it or not Cats & Dogs.

Last Random comment to a Woman was in M&S with my wife on Saturday. Woman standing in the middle of an isle,
mentally debating over a choice of two jumpers, when I said, 'Choose either you]ll look cool anyway, as I walked past (And I meant it).
Trying to think of a Man/Woman Random comment I have made.
Bloke trying to sort out car keys, paper/ coffee, when he dropped keys and paper, I remarked 'Got the hang of that then' I would certainly have said the same to a Woman. Not a child or dog though, don't want to encourage juvenile crime or dogs being stolen and sold to the Circus

Completely knew what you meant from the start OP. My DH would never dream of saying the examples people have given, therefore it’s definitely not against any man saying any thing to any woman. It’s things said in certain ways to belittle or embarrass women. I’ve had it countless times and am ashamed to say I’ve usually laughed it off to avoid confrontation but in my head I think you d@ck.

Am I the only person who gets these random comments from women too? For some reason everyone seems to thing that this is a male only behaviour.

Here's my womanly random comment tyall, "go on let the anger out."

I agree that "smile it may never happen" is a very annoying one that does anger me too, but I have heard it from as many women (maybe even more) than men.

Fuck off dickhead ……
That’s my go to phrase. Sadly I’ve had to use it a lot.
I’ve been called all kinds of abusive things back for not being grateful for the attention 🙄 and also called a lesbian 🤷‍♀️
That’s right Dave, of course I’m a lesbian because I tell you to fuck off when telling me I’m going to get fat etc etc. That makes sense.

🙄

I think we can ALL differentiate between normal adult innocuous comments, often conversation starters, sometimes witty, sometimes shared frustrations, as opposed to uneccessarily invasive, insulting or inappropriate comments.

If someone looks devastated, most people read their body language and either avoid putting upon them, or offer any support they can give. Smile, it might never happen isn't that.

Anyone policing how someone else does things for themselves like eat, dress, cry, is invasive and entitled.

I cannot believe the number of people coming on to this thread and wilfully misinterpreting what is being said.

It's almost as if they have to control the dialogue rather than just let people share their experiences. It is entitled. Similar to random comment man even.

Do give it a rest.

I have chatted to 3 strangers this week, none commented about my weight, face, clothing or ability to do stuff.

And no, women's comments aren't usually undermining and negative, or common. Not in London.

I'm getting into this now, as I believe my wife qualifies as a Random Woman, (though not with animals} she definitely takes the piss in a nice way.
Honestly, I believe the vagaries and mishaps of life are worth the Random comment.
I also sing Oh what a beautiful morning to all and sundry to when it's lashing down,
I have just noticed there are almost 800 comments on this matter,
and I must confess the only one read through all the way was original one.
For Random Comment reaction, I recommend the US. Having worked in 5 East Coast cities, Women and Men are on it like a bonnet, in asking you to explain what you mean, Which I am more than happy to do, and usually leave then more bemused than they were before the explanation.
One Love
One World
PBV

@MakeMathsFun

Yes, there are variations in cultures, HOWEVER, where does it say that OP is in Dublin? And if it is common practice to tell a stranger “to smile” or “eating something will make them fat” then I’m giving it a wide swerve.

Yes, we’re all on this planet together (whatever that means) but courtesy and respect goes BOTH ways. There are people like yourself who love to chat and want to chat to everyone and there are people that obviously don’t and aren’t in the mood. It is not that difficult to learn to “read the room”, read others body language to see if they want to talk too. If someone doesn’t want to make conversation with a stranger, they shouldn’t have to nor should it be expected just to cater to your individual need/want for human interaction or connection. It’s not rude not to want to talk to people especially when you don’t know them. It’s ridiculous to expect people to just put up with strangers commenting on things that is none of their business just for the sake of “niceties”.

I work retail and a big part of my job is reading people. I go by what their body language tells me before I approach them. I know within the first 5-15 seconds how I should probably approach them. All of us do this which is probably why we’re constantly praised for our customer service and have people choosing to come to us despite their being a store 5x larger than ours (with parking) 15 minutes away and being the best in our county. I’m also one of those people who has a friendly face and a warm demeanour, and don’t mind a bit of chit chat however I also like to be left alone and want to do so without strangers bothering me or giving me commentary that I never asked for. If someone needs assistance like directions or possible restaurant or asking me where I bought something, no problem, happy to help when I can, but telling me to do something for their benefit or enjoyment is a quick way to get an eyeroll and turn my headphones up. No one is owed a stranger’s time just because we’re all human.

I was in my early 20s and working in a shop. A male customer I was serving told me my lip piercing would scar my face and I should take it out. I replied that I was fine, with a tight smile, but he continued in the same vein our entire transaction.

Nearly 20 years later and I've not forgotten. I bet he forgot with a day or two.

I am definitely going to try your reply, OP. Too many random men commenting on my life.

(On the other side, I was in the woods the other day and a guy was passing the other way and said "Morning. Hot today, isn't it?" I cheerfully replied with "Yes, absolutely" or similar. See? Perfectly able for a man to initiate a short pleasant conversion with a woman.)

When heavily pregnant with my daughter, I was at a work lunch for a chap who was retiring. Another colleague (middle aged man of course) who I unfortunately shared an office with decided to shout across the room as I was in the queue for the food: “Quick Lilstarr99 is in the queue, we’d better get in quick - look at the size of her belly”. Thinking he was so witty no doubt! I was so embarrassed, the whole room looked at me and there was silence, it was deafening. Before I could say a word, the young and tiny office junior (who was usually quiet as a mouse) said very loudly, “your belly is bigger than hers, she’s having a baby, what’s your excuse?”

We’ve been friends ever since and we still chortle at his gammon face when she put him in his place!!

I had one today, as I turned my car round on my road ‘ooh you’re a good driver aren’t you!’ 😐😠
And the purpose of that comment was what?!

I'm 55 now so I'm invisible and expected to be a grumpy cow !!! .. but when I was younger I'd always be told to smile more .. just used to tell them to piss off..

Favourite was when I had really bright yellow blond hair as a teenager, and outside a crowded station a guy yelled at me that my hair looked like an infrared lightbulb. He realised straight after the words came out his mouth, he’d stuffed up his own insult, and got his words muddled. And he skulked away with all the people around me who heard giggling at him.

I’m so sorry this happened to you x

Urgh @pbvincent these comments sound awful .

@pbvincent - you seem to have difficulty comprehending - YES, we are talking about you. NO you are not charming. NO, we don't find you hilarious - and really, if you say shite like "One World, One Love,' to women IRL, I'm surprised no one has hit you yet.

And I say that as someone who meditates every day and always tries to be charming when I meet people so that I do not add to whatever bad stuff is possibly going on in their lives.

@pbvincent

I'm getting into this now, as I believe my wife qualifies as a Random Woman, (though not with animals} she definitely takes the piss in a nice way. Honestly, I believe the vagaries and mishaps of life are worth the Random comment. I also sing Oh what a beautiful morning to all and sundry to when it's lashing down, I have just noticed there are almost 800 comments on this matter, and I must confess the only one read through all the way was original one. For Random Comment reaction, I recommend the US. Having worked in 5 East Coast cities, Women and Men are on it like a bonnet, in asking you to explain what you mean, Which I am more than happy to do, and usually leave then more bemused than they were before the explanation. One Love One World PBV

It sounds like your intentions are to amuse rather than belittle someone else. You sound like a “character” rather than an unpleasant Random Man. It’s up to the recipient of your comments to decide whether they find the character funny or annoying.