The random comment men

[brokenbiscuitsx]

You know the ones, not the ‘leery car shouters’ but those who feel they can make comments about what you, a stranger, is doing when going about their business (and I’ll add not harming anyone!)

Just now I popped to the shop to collect a parcel, when I was there I grabbed a coffee from their Costa pod and a blueberry muffin. The man behind me piped up “You’ll get fat eating that” I was really taken aback so just said “thanks for your comment, random man” paid and then as I was walking out past him he said, no need to be so rude and mumbled ‘stroppy cow’ but I heard.

I wasn’t rude I just asserted myself and that is the issue isn’t it. He was expecting me to laugh along ‘oh I already am tee hee’ (I’m not) but no, I’m sick of it.

It happens too often as well. I have had a random man comment on how I could run better in the park when I was having a break and a man who saw my Led Zeppelin tshirt and said ‘what’s your favourite song then?’ So I said ‘Heartbreaker- you probably haven’t heard of it’ and he mumbled something at me and walked off (I knew he was trying to catch me out, hoping I didn’t know any songs!)

I don’t really know what my AIBU is, I guess, is it rude? Should I have just smiled sweetly like the passive woman I am meant to be. I’m just sick of these types of men! He took offence with me speaking up, perhaps he should learn not to make comments to random strangers.

Does anyone else get this, maybe I have that sort of face that men can’t help commenting to. If so, how do you cope with it?

Just, ugh, makes me angry.

Today alone:
'Mornin Milf' Random on my way to work
'You're ten out of ten today' Guy in the newsagents who I see most days but don't speak to.
'You look like a doll you do' random on my walk to get lunch
'How come you've got so much hair?' random on my way home.
This is one day, but it happens every day. Until this thread I never really thought anything of it. I'm pretty old and this has happened to me for decades. Its just how it is. Now I can't unsee it for what it is.

I had a man take the piss out of me when I ran after my disabled son in a car park (classing me as an over breaking mother my son has ASD) I had no trouble in putting him right that in fact it was a big deal and he should think twice before trying to embarrass someone when it's none of his business. I don't think he will every do it again after the dressing down I gave him. He even apologised to me for it and said I was right

If someone is rude enough to make nasty comments the get what they deserve

Op I totally get you, it happens all the time to me and others (always women) I know.
It always seems to be the 55+ men and when it's a woman saying it, they are 60ish + (prob rubbed off from the sexist men they married).
Its that generation isn't it - sexist, misogynistic and don't know how to handle women. They never expect us to answer back, hence the angry attack on you.
As women we should ALWAYS answer back or hold them publicly to account/embarass and shame them - best way to educate that type.

Never felt the need to spout personal or critical comments at strangers... just don't get why... must be some king of power jerk.
If that's what makes an alpha male I'm a happy beta

Using my husbands (fucking great tank of a) car this weeks as mine is being repaired. Got out of in the car park at work - some ol fella, never seen him before, says - that car’s a bit big for you love.

A - I’m not his love
B - I drive it just fine

🙄 no need for the comment, doubt my DH would have been told that.

Grrrr

Another vote of support here for "thanks for your comment, random man!"

I think people should talk to each other more often. I’m sure these guys are just trying to spark up a friendly conversation. Human connection is so important. Stop being so defensive!

Give over. How is telling strangers (who don’t want your attention nor asked for your attention) what they should and shouldn’t do friendly?

There are ways of connecting with someone than telling them to do something because you’ve decided they should for your own needs/wants. Your need for connection isn’t above someone’s who just wants to be left alone nor wants to make a connection with you.

The entitlement of some people…

‘Smile, it might never happen’ is my favourite. My Mum had died the day before. I was on my way to the morgue

I can talk to people in a friendly way and still separate out the need for some men to comment on women.

It feels different because it is - and as you can see by the thread it’s common.

That's hilarious. I'm old now so encounter virtually no random men but I wish I'd had your response ready for use in the days when I did.

As well as the typical comments from men, like "Smile, it may never happen" ("It just has") I have had friends, acquaintances and total strangers (mostly women actually) coming up and patting my baby bump, like they had a right just because I was pregnant. SO INTRUSIVE. It's vile. I took to warning people all the time that if anyone got near me, I had an uncontrollable, adverse reaction and lashed out physically. It worked.

@Designerly

Wow. Reading through many of these comments, I get the impression that if a man just said 'Good Morning' to you in the street, some of you would reply 'Who the fuck are you to say what kind of morning I am having, wanker!'.

Er no.

It's more to do with 'smile love', 'should you be eating that love?' , 'cheer up love' - from someone with a face & figure like a ball sack.

Saying hello & good morning to people is lovely.

Someone posted this before on another thread it’s amazing

It should be compulsory viewing for all men who tell a woman to smile. Enjoy!

@thenovice

As well as the typical comments from men, like "Smile, it may never happen" ("It just has") I have had friends, acquaintances and total strangers (mostly women actually) coming up and patting my baby bump, like they had a right just because I was pregnant. SO INTRUSIVE. It's vile. I took to warning people all the time that if anyone got near me, I had an uncontrollable, adverse reaction and lashed out physically. It worked.

I had workmen in whilst in later stages of pregnancy. When leaving, one of them kissed me (on the cheek) and smirked and said it was good luck to kiss a pregnant woman. Fucking creep. I suspect he knew that with three random strange men in the house, I was unlikely to cause a fuss. Stunned and fucking disgusted. I wish I'd felt able to do something at the time.

Yes. It's really annoying - why do they feel the need to interrupt your life with a slight / insult.

In the past, I have given women who I don't know compliments - but it's been in context -
at hairdresser 'ooh that colour looks great on you'
or in a changing room in a department store 'ooh that colour looks great on you'
or in a nightclub toilet 'ooh that colour looks great on you'

You get my drift - I don't say it all the time, I mean it when I say it and it's always a compliment.

Men are just weird aren't they

They don't do it to men cos they know they would get a punch in the mouth - pity women aren't generally able to provide them with a fat lip - yes they are all c*nts

I was leaving the Early Pregnancy unit and a male doctor I was passing in the corridor randomly said to me "cheer up, no-body's died". I'd just been informed my baby had died. I wish I'd had the energy to confront, but I was in shock and an emotional wreck.

In my experience, there are as many "RANDOM COMMENT MEN" as there are "RANDOM COMMENT WOMEN". Maybe their social skills aren't great, but at least they are trying to be sociable. In London you could sit opposite the same person on the tube every day for 10 years and never speak to each other. Some people might consider that rude. In Dublin, on the other hand, within 5 seconds the next person starts talking to you. They could be male or female, doesn't matter... and usually it begins with a random comment. So it depends which culture you are from as to whether you see "random comments" as rude or sociable.
Also, being passive or not has got nothing to do with being a woman, so don't suppose that people really think that.
The fact that you find sociable people annoying is your problem. Confronting them only escalates it to a mutual problem, which they won't understand, particularly if they thought they were trying to be friendly. Confrontation may not be through words either. Your tone of voice, facial expressions, body language all speak volumes. So when a person tries to initiate some friendly banter, a defensive stance could appear offensive.
If you are a child, then yes, strangers should know better than to talk with you. But if you are an adult (either male or female) then just make allowances for their extravert behaviour and perhaps try to accept it as humanly as possible. Perhaps you have a friendly looking, welcoming face, which could be why you experience this a lot.
Also, if the "random comment person" does lack good social skills (which your stories seem to express), then perhaps they are not used to speaking with people. Perhaps they are very shy and it has taken every muscle in their body to overcome their own passiveness to try to talk with a stranger.
I know that I sometimes talk randomly to people. Usually it leads to an interesting chat. Sometimes (very rarely) the responder (either male of female) gives a "wotya talking about, woman?" kind of look, or pretend they didn't hear. These types are unnecessarily defensive and their attitude undermines my confidence. Nonetheless, I just say to myself, "look girl, they is just rude. Go talk to someone else."
So, my (minority) view is YABU. But in Dublin, I bet it would be a majority. Such variations will exist across a wide range of other cultures too. So, just accept it as a different culture to your own. We are all on this planet together.

Years ago, as a young woman in London, I was sitting on the tube, wearing a long black dress with a long black duster cost over it. This twat sat down next to me and said, quite loudly, something along the lines of why are you all dressed in black, doesn't it make you depressed, why aren't you wearing nice bright colours?
I turned my head slowly towards him and made eye contact, and dead pan said 'my entire family was killed this morning'. And turned away again.
God forgive me, my entire family were alive and well. Twat got up and changed seats.

I hate the "Smile, it might never happen!" comments. And anything to do with what I'm eating. Last year I was lining up outside a supermarket and the bloke behind me said "I'm not being rude but...are you tattooed all over?" What. The. Fuck? Not being rude? You want to know if my tits, arse and fanny are tattooed and you don't think that's rude? Although the woman who pulled the back of my t-shirt down so she could look at my back tattoo (I'd never seen her before) beat him for downright rudeness! People

@Taliskerskye

Cunts they are all cunts Thank the lord everyday that you’re not married to one or one isn’t your dad.

And well done for answering back. The stupid cunting cunts

Agreed!

You're my new hero OP.

@brokenbiscuitsx

Oh God I’ve already seen this:

normal men and women who exchange the odd pleasantry with strangers.

I think this is the issue, RCMs think their words are just odd pleasantries? Do they though, is “cheer up love!” a pleasantry? I’d “that’ll make you fat” a pleasantry? I can see this is going to wind me up more than the actual event!

Give me strength

I really think they do.

Not excusing it at all, but I think the issue is that their tiny minds can't actually see why this kind of thing is offensive to women.

They just don't have that kind of capacity for empathy and self-reflection.

People are so rude now and have to filter. I feel like saying “Piss off and mind your own business!” or more to people. Best not to stoop to their level though or we’d all be fighting each other in the streets lol. I find a tut, hmmm, judgy look and head shake with direct eye contact before turning my back leaves these people looking like fools

I am a wheelchair user.

The comment I hear most often and exclusively from men, every last one of whom thinks he is An Original Wit :

"Hope you passed your drivers licence"

I once replied with :

Yeah I get that a lot

And his wife just looked at him like "Twat" and that was the best bit of the exchange