Just checking what I can actually do in my garden

[Originalyellowbelly]

Obviously not BBQ, fire pit, children, tree houses, pools, climbing frames, footballs, bonfires, low fences, music, parties,DIY , lawn mowing, extensions, cats, dogs, have I missed anything? Wouldn't want to piss off anyone within 50 miles of me.

Do not have sex in the hedges

The conga?

sunbathing nekkid is ok

Don't let your children outside while simultaneously making sure they play in the garden everyday. Same with dogs.

(I have actually seen posts about neighbours children never using gardens...)

@HermioneGrunger

Smoke, you can't smoke in your own garden.

Wind chimes, these are banned.

Please though, please no wind chimes! I have no idea why people put these relentless torture devices up

@Henio

Do not have sex in the hedges

and don't ask for a finger up the bum.

Henio no hedges here, is it ok on the patio?

Don't sit in the front garden

Oh and make sure you don't have a mirror in the garden, you will all spontaneously combust. Read it on the gardening board so it must be true.

No chickens
No roosters

You are allowed to hang washing out, contrary to popular belief.

You must not hang up undergarments or anything that could be mistaken for undergarments though, and all must be back in before it gets dark and the spiders come out to rub their willies on your washing.

Don't even leave a dishcloth out overnight, for fear it might get "darked on".

You mustn't leave anything within your neighbours line of sight. Even temporarily.

Dress appropriately, whatever your neighbour is wearing, you need 2 additional layers.

Don’t make any noise before 11am in case anyone is having a ‘much needed ‘ lie in.
Don’t make any noise after 12pm in case anyone’s baby is having an afternoon nap.

Dont go out in pyjamas or dressing gown

No basketball. The bouncing is apparently really annoying. Encourage extra screen time for your teen Ds's instead.

You can put washing out but the pegs have to match and you must take it in at a decent hour.

You mustn't peg out underwear - that is common.

You must be fully dressed in your own garden at all times. No one wants to peer over your fence and get an eyeful of any of your naked flesh, thank you very much!

You must paint your fence a tasteful colour.

You mustn't listen to music. You may eat and drink but quietly and nothing that smells!

Don’t go outside ‘ all dolled up’ either

Wear appropriate non noisy footwear.
I.e no stilettos

For the love of god do not let the DCs calk on the drive !

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/mumsnet_classics/4204886-AIBU-to-let-my-children-chalk-on-the-road-Neighbour-washed-it-all-away?pg=1

( only click on link if you have a spare hour and need a laugh )

I wonder if all the miserable people complaining about others enjoying their own gardens realise that they are actually the anti-social ones and not their neighbours.

There was a thread some years ago where the OP complained that the neighbour's washing STANK of fabric conditioner which gave her a headache. So if you must hang out washing don't use Lenor (or similar).

Make sure you have no pets, including wild birds visiting your garden

Work in the garden (work as in your job) or have a phone call in your garden

Naked yoga is out, and a cat that poos.

@Henio oh god that thread made me laugh , it was the waiting to see what the OP would post the next night that kept us all going back for more ( posts not sex ! )

Not an MN one, but if you have children you absolutely must not use any kind of gardening implement if they happen to be in the garden with you, as you will clearly end up stabbing them.. with a watering can.. or something.