Just checking what I can actually do in my garden

[Originalyellowbelly]

Obviously not BBQ, fire pit, children, tree houses, pools, climbing frames, footballs, bonfires, low fences, music, parties,DIY , lawn mowing, extensions, cats, dogs, have I missed anything? Wouldn't want to piss off anyone within 50 miles of me.

Dont use hosepipe
Dont hang any form of lights or lanterns
Dont hang your washing out
Dont have any children or pets outside.

Remove any blossom from trees. Or just remove the trees.

You must make zero noise. And under no circumstances shall you lift your eyes towards any of your neighbours gardens or houses.

Leave your washing out over night (you'll attract the willys of 8 legged beasties)

grumpygiraffe I can't help it, I was born that way

You can creep about in soft soled shoes making sure you stay below the hedge / wall height ,
You can listen to music very quietly as long as you have squillian pound noise cancelling headphones on .
You can read as long as you turn the pages quietly but make sure its not a funny book as you can not laugh
If you need to open a can or bottle you must do it inside
You can not yelp if you get stung or stand on something hard or if you cut yourself with the knife that is there to cut the tension !

The use of a leaf blower is prohibited.

chickens, pigs, pigeons.

Don't put your recycling out too early or too late
Don't ever sit in the front garden
Don't leave your washing out at night (darked on, spider willies)
No music, especially if it's Phil Collins

Don't paint your fence, the paint will seep through and spoil the look of the other side.

I am such a rule breaker, I don't even know how I got accepted on MN.

@vodkaredbullgirl

Breathe loudly

Breathe at all.

Don’t put/ keep your eyesores of bins anywhere near your neighbours fence/ house/ drive/ garden/ wall/ windows/ eyeline.

I love Phil Collins, that will definitely out me.

@CaptainBarbossa

Don't put your recycling out too early or too late Don't ever sit in the front garden Don't leave your washing out at night (darked on, spider willies) No music, especially if it's Phil Collins

I’d forgotten about Phil Collins

In all seriousness please do not hang bloody wind chimes !

Paddington stares at neighbours that put 4 fecking sets up yesterday

You're only allowed to sit and judge everyone else in your garden, everything else is forbidden.

Don’t ever look at your neighbours. You must sit silently and if you see them out the corner of your eye you must look down. Never up op. Never up. And never try to talk to them.

You can only garden between the hours of ten am and four pm. If Any of your neighbours have babies you must cut yout lawn with scissors to avoid ever risk waking them from a nap.

The garden has to be gazed at. Silently and solemnly. You must limit your time out there so as not to make your neighbours uncomfortable. Two x five min slots will be acceptable

And whatever you do. Do not build anything. No shed. No gazebo. No pergola. No pool. It must be maintained and kept tidy with min noise, and have plenty of bee attracting flowers in it. Any frogs should be revered. And any trees must be hugged and loved regularly. Never ever prune them or chop them down. They are for your neighbours pleasure only.

Sitting in it, if it’s in the front.

You may not fart.

Wee!

I used to go for a nap at lunchtime in the winter until I saw on here someone asking why their neighbours closed their curtains for an hour in the middle of the day

[quote AlCalavicci]In all seriousness please do not hang bloody wind chimes !

Paddington stares at neighbours that put 4 fecking sets up yesterday

You are meant to drink tea and turn the pages of Good Housekeeping. Alone. And very quietly.

poo then bury it in builders sand