Just checking what I can actually do in my garden

[Originalyellowbelly]

Obviously not BBQ, fire pit, children, tree houses, pools, climbing frames, footballs, bonfires, low fences, music, parties,DIY , lawn mowing, extensions, cats, dogs, have I missed anything? Wouldn't want to piss off anyone within 50 miles of me.

You are allowed to have an elderly Korean lady in your garden if you wish.

No powered garden tools to be used ever.

But you must never allow your garden to look untidy as an unmanicured lawn is one step away from having an old sofa out there which would catastrophically lower the tone of the neighborhood.

Never keep a van or caravan on your drive. Naice eyes shouldn't have to look at such things.

I usually only sit quietly reading in my garden which probably would be acceptable except it's usually at the front because that's where the sun is an I may even do something as uncouth as drink lager from a can on a hot day.

Have hot tubs been mentioned yet? Mumsnet loves those.

This is amazing!

It should be noted that you can do all of the above if you are a lady, elderly and Korean.

Throw nets over all trees in case of leaves blowing in any wind/breeze

Inspired! But what about pollen? So antisocial...

@Originalyellowbelly This made me laugh!

@Ijustlikedthename

Don't hang bin bags on the washing line (although I think it was only 1 family of weirdos doing that!)

I wonder if that was about me 😕 😆 sometimes I rinse soft plastic such as bin bags and empty compost bags and peg them on the line for an hour to dry, ready to drop off at the soft recycling point in Tesco. I’ve seen people pointing at the soft plastic on my line 😕 Don’t they understand that it’s being rinsed and dried to be recycled?!

No garden gnomes
No use of slug pellets
No use of weed killer or any other type of chemicals.
No swing seats with that parasol thing over

@Originalyellowbelly

I love Phil Collins, that will definitely out me.

Good god woman, what's wrong with you?

You cant grow anything up a fence that "belongs to your neighbour".

@OverByYer

Don’t make any noise before 11am in case anyone is having a ‘much needed ‘ lie in. Don’t make any noise after 12pm in case anyone’s baby is having an afternoon nap.

Or they work nights, or lates, or earlies, or days.

Just checking what I can do in my own garden:

Obviously not peg out laundry while neighbour is having a BBQ, or enjoying their fire pit, bonfires.
Not read in peace or enjoy the birds visiting while there is noise from children, pools, music, parties.
Not expect the plants in my garden or the panes in my greenhouse to remain intact if there are footballs, and low fences,
Enjoy no privacy if there are climbing fences and tree houses next to the boundary.
Not be able to grow my own veg, nor risk small children helping dig the garden, without risking toxoplasmosis since the neighbours cat thinks my garden is its litter tray.
Not go out in my own garden without the neighbour's dog barking incessantly.

I'm not suggesting that people, myself included should never do any of the things you listed OP. But every coin has two sides. If all the things you do in your own garden stayed in your own garden there would be no conflict of interest. But they don't.

If more people at least considered the result of their actions on others and endeavoured to mitigate the negative effects as far as possible there would be a lot less AIBU threads about in on MN.

Maybe they think you're a witch and it's your laundry. Or you're very hygienic with your Halloween costumes.

But then the average Mumsnetter probably would launder a bin bag before putting her DC in it for Halloween.

Don't let the grass get overgrown - but you can only mow it on weekdays (preferably not a Friday) after 11am and before 3pm.

@Originalyellowbelly

Obviously not BBQ, fire pit, children, tree houses, pools, climbing frames, footballs, bonfires, low fences, music, parties,DIY , lawn mowing, extensions, cats, dogs, have I missed anything? Wouldn't want to piss off anyone within 50 miles of me.

I’ve just checked the MN handbook and rule 139 subsection C quite clearly says that you can’t sit in your garden 😂

Dont move your wheelie bin to top of drive until 5 mins b4 collection and immediately take it back down whilst dustbin lorry is still in sight.
Thank you for your cooperation

This is MN. You can do absolutely nothing at all in your garden.

I break a lot of rules too. I even have a bird table and I feed the birds there. They get seed and bread crusts most days. My bird table is near to the fence so that our birds can eat there and go and shit in other gardens.

We like the odd barbecue and a good old fart out there too. 🤣

If you do let your grass grow 'to feed the bees' you must not let it fill up with dandelions as that's low quality pseudo food, the bee version of McDonald's as it were.

Oh and if you can’t be arsed actually maintaining your garden you’ve got to sniffly say you’re rewilding it, exclaim loudly to all that you love it (looking like shite), deny vehemently deny that it’s clearly harbouring rats, whilst proclaiming you detest anyone who actually maintains their garden because bees will never ever visit it.

So Always proclaim you’re rewinding for the sake of the local wildlife. Never ever admit it’s an overgrown mess as you can’t be arsed. Ever.

*sixthtimelucky have you any instructions for said knitted chair socks please? I need these!

@ZZTopGuitarSolo

My neighbour offered to swap some of his white peonies for some of my pink peonies yesterday. Outrageous!

Mine offered to go half’s on fence paint and when I said no, offered me tomatoes instead

Has nobody mentioned the absolute no-no that are Gnomes? Especially the ‘bare-arsed’/bought in Asda/comic variety.
I imagine that one or two genuine antique ‘Black Forest’ hand-carved, authentic, made in Switzerland might just be acceptable IF they were inherited family heirlooms with sentimental associations. Just ensure they are displayed discretely.

@FadedRed

Has nobody mentioned the absolute no-no that are Gnomes? Especially the ‘bare-arsed’/bought in Asda/comic variety. I imagine that one or two genuine antique ‘Black Forest’ hand-carved, authentic, made in Switzerland might just be acceptable IF they were inherited family heirlooms with sentimental associations. Just ensure they are displayed discretely.

How do you display something discreetly?

WingBingo I am a lady and I am elderly, sadly not Korean though

@Cosmos123

Dont move your wheelie bin to top of drive until 5 mins b4 collection and immediately take it back down whilst dustbin lorry is still in sight. Thank you for your cooperation

Oh shit! Another rule broken. We put ours out the night before and collect it sometime late the next day.

I am clearly incorrigible and can't be taken anywhere.

@BarbaraofSeville

If you do let your grass grow 'to feed the bees' you must not let it fill up with dandelions as that's low quality pseudo food, the bee version of McDonald's as it were.

Anyone remember the woman who wanted to vomit and faint the whole time she was ever in McDonald's? Bet she's having a great time right now.