Just checking what I can actually do in my garden

[Originalyellowbelly]

Obviously not BBQ, fire pit, children, tree houses, pools, climbing frames, footballs, bonfires, low fences, music, parties,DIY , lawn mowing, extensions, cats, dogs, have I missed anything? Wouldn't want to piss off anyone within 50 miles of me.

images.app.goo.gl/4o1pbA7Qzozhqjqm8

That has got have hurt lol

I know @vodkaredbullgirl 😱

Water the fence. Must be kept dry at all times.
Never allow DMIL to enter incase she has an opinion

Sing
Hum
Burp
Fart
Talk
Bounce a ball
Jet wash
Have a climbing frame
Have friends over
Have children
Have a dog or pet of any kind

I have not been into my garden since the start of this thread , so I win some kind of good neighbour award ?

I have a house cat but so he can get some fresh air can I peg him ( using matching pegs of course ) to the washing line as ling as he has got a pair of speedos on to cover his modesty ?

@AnneKipanki
You never disappoint with your on point hilarious memes or gifs😂😂😂🏆🏆🏆🏆🥇🥇

@AlCalavicci...I am dying here with the virtual picture you painted of your cat wearing a speedo whilst pegged with matching pegs to the line 😂
and yes, you win a 1st place medal for being a considerate ndn!🥇
@Originalyellowbelly...you earned the right to be smug with this brill thread...MNHQ has it before the classics committee as we speak...fingers crossed!

Has anyone mention actually going in to your garden? DON’T! You’ll make too much noise 😂

@AlCalavicci speedos? how very dare you, do you not know how offensive they are? Please clothe your cat in some long johns at least , have some thought for your neighbours eyes and protect his dignity. I always make sure my cats are fully clothed and any glimpse of their genitals is always avoided.

@Sweetpea1532 In all honesty I have him in a harness (minus the speedos ) with a retractable lead attached and the handle of the lead threaded on to the washing line so he can have a mooch about but I have to stay with him as he will still attack all the other neighbourhood cats .
My overloard has me well trained !

Wears gold with pride

@Originalyellowbelly
oopss sorry >>>hangs head in shame

You could park in your garden, but only if you provide a comprehensive diagram of how unreasonably you've positioned your car.

Put your cat in a baby grow, but cut a hole for its tail.

Def don't let your kids play out there...

Don't plant a tree our neighbour hate the wild birds sitting in ours and make too much noise and shi* on their washing .

Seagulls

Must not have them

Absolutely no feeding of birds 🐀

Do not let your garden be welcoming for foxes as they'll destroy ndn's gardens. If foxes do come into your garden, do not disturb them as they have as much right as you to be there. Feed them but don't get too close as you might scare them.

Charlie Dimmock had wooden windchimes on Garden Rescue today, much more bearable than glass or metal.

My ex friend had a go at me for planting my pots up & tidying the garden until 9pm!!!

@AlCalavicci
I knew I liked you for a reason! I love cats!!!
Yours must be very special to walk on a lead...photo please of your cat in the garden on a lead, pretty please!

You forgot no sex in the hedge or if you must then make fox noises for plausible deniability

I don't think we can allow you to have a garden, it might make people who don't have gardens jealous

Oh God, that's reminded me of some time in the middle of last year when they started to allow people to meet outside and people were asking if they could visit friends and family if they stayed in the garden and both Matt Hancock on BBC Breakfast and half of Mumsnet was insisting that they should go to the park instead because they couldn't think outside their tiny Londoncentric mindset where people generally don't have gardens or they're very small so risking getting closer than 2 metres to whoever you're visiting, the people next door or anywhere walking past.

The fact that most people outside large cities live in houses and a garden is a perfectly normal thing even for, gasp, poor people and not something unimaginably aspirational was totally lost on them.

I thought of this thread last night when I went out to get the washing in. It was after 9 pm, but well before it gets dark here and I'd left the washing basket on the grass, slattern that I am and it was full of spiders lining up to wipe their willies on my washing once it had got dark. So I carefully removed them all so they didn't get squashed under the washing in the basket.

Another thing you can’t do is garden without Get your soil tested for lead contamination before you plant any plants for consumption.

(This is an actual genuine issue no a smart arsed “mumsnet rule” but the legacy of our use of leaded petrol. A large amount of home gardens outside of the countryside is contaminated with lead which then concentrates in backyard garden veg and in you.

That's interesting mypath (as a child there was a leadworks on the edge of the village where I grew up and the primary school I went to was quite close. I remember we had blood tests for lead at least a couple of times).

On the matter of lead in soil, it's probably not a worry for most as research shows that lead in soil in most cases doesn't lead to more lead in people, according to Newcastle University.

www.ncl.ac.uk/press/articles/latest/2019/07/leadinsoil/

So worrying that the soil they tested had 550 mg/kg of lead when the limit is 80 mg/kg, but they're saying that this may be too cautious.

The limits are usually derived based on someone who grows all their own food and eats large quantities of it, because they're most at risk, so if you're growing most or all of your own fruit and veg and you eat your 10 a day, being a good Mumsnetter and all that, it's probably worth testing your soil, or at least reading up more about the subject.

Maybe not if all you manage to grow is a few tomatoes and 90% of the fruit and veg you eat comes from the supermarket anyway.