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Original poster

I farted in my surgeons face today.

370 replies

ImprobablePuffin · 21/05/2021 16:57

AND I have to see him again 4 more times over the coming weeks !

God I may never live it down, he had me standing in front of him in my undies and a gown and he was sitting in front of me at belly height. He was feeling around my tummy and just pressed the wrong spot which catapulted a fart of mammoth proportions right out of me. I swear it echoed around his posh office!

Please cheer me up with your most embarrassing situations I really need a laugh before I curl up and die.

OP posts:
bogoffmda · 21/05/2021 20:48

OMG - best thread in a long time, my sides hurt.

WeAllHaveWings · 21/05/2021 20:49

While in labour they came to try to fix my epidural (for the fifth time). I was knickerless in a hospital gown, sat at the edge of the bed enjoying my gas and air, pushing my back backwards, and while the epidural man carefully tried to insert a needle into my spine I let out a huge fart in his face 💨 😳

Thankfully I was so out of it on the gas I never noticed, but dh told me later he's sure the guys hair moved with the gust 🤣

Original poster
ImprobablePuffin · 21/05/2021 20:49

@WorriedMillie

Years back, I ended had a riding accident and shattered a couple of teeth and had to have a rather messy extraction, under IV sedation Coming round I was talking utter shite, OH and the nurse were trying not to giggle. Then when I went to walk back to the car, I was lifting my legs really really high when walking along OH was just muttering “riiiiigght, let’s get you home” 😂😂😂
Like a Monty Python silly walk?
OP posts:
AlfonsoTheTerrible · 21/05/2021 20:51

This thread is giving me some much-needed light relief.

BitOfAFaff · 21/05/2021 20:54

@ShutUpAlex

I fell over on the bus when I was pregnant with my daughter. It was one of those slow motion falls that took about 10 minutes for me to land on the floor and I emitted a long and loud fart the whole time that continued even after I was lying on the bus floor.
The fall is not funny but this really made me laugh out loud. So much so, my DP asked what I was laughing at. He laughed too 🥲😂.
Cosyjimjamsforautumn · 21/05/2021 20:54

At least it wasn't a shart. Friend of mine performs endoscopies and has frequently been hit in the face mask!

thisisfineihavewine · 21/05/2021 20:56

This thread is brilliant Grin thanks OP!

BitOfAFaff · 21/05/2021 20:59

When I was in labour i poo'd myself. Everyone said I didn't. The midwife got rid of the poo so quickly that everyone tried to play it down. I knew I'd shit myself because I could smell it! To make it worse I also wet myself about 5 minutes afterwards. I was on the labour bed you know with the whole in the middle... it was the longest wee I've ever had and all I could so was hear it treacle down the middle onto the floor.

I didn't even know I needed to have a wee. Oh then I was sick on my mums hand and all down my nightie.

As you can tell, I'm a very attractive person during labour.

BitOfAFaff · 21/05/2021 21:00

Hole*

RaisinFlapjack · 21/05/2021 21:02

This genuinely wasn’t me - my DP read it to me from Reddit or something the other day...

A woman farted in the middle of a spinning class. With the load music no-one heard but it smelt so bad people were retching. They stopped the class, evacuated everyone and closed the gym for the day while they investigated what was assumed to be a sewage leak.

BitOfAFaff · 21/05/2021 21:04

Also, whilst DTD with DP I let out a huge fart. He just stopped then laughed. Honestly I was mortified.

Then another time I kept queefing. Luckily he sees the funny side.

Sleepybunny21 · 21/05/2021 21:07

I accidently let out an awful fart at zumba just before some sideways steps to the left.... . The poor woman nearest me basically unknowingly danced into my fart cloud Blush

CuriousandReady · 21/05/2021 21:09

I haven’t cried so much in months! eBay is my winner! Keep them coming!

Coachee · 21/05/2021 21:10

After an IVF egg retrieval under general anthestic, I’d had a pain killer suppository put up the bum. When when I got up to go to the toilet, I farted with every step I took. I could not stop it. It was the slowest, most tense 10 steps I’ve ever taken. I clenched with all my might but to no avail! There were people all round the recovery area who must have heard. My husband was back in the cubicle dying of laughter.

Pebbledashery · 21/05/2021 21:10

I've died several times reading this thread 😂😂

QueenOfPain · 21/05/2021 21:12

I had some abdo/bowel surgery in Jan. The last thing I remember before being put to sleep was the anaesthetist putting a hair net on me and I asked why and he said “oh they will use some blue dye to check for leaks when they do the joins in your bowel so it’s just to make sure non gets in your hair as it stains it”, I accepted this and dutifully drifted off to sleep.

When I came found in recovery I was shivering like I’ve never shivered before, crying hysterically (always happens when I have a GA), and then I reached up and felt that my face felt really sticky and greasy, I put two and two together and was convinced the blue dye was on my face and I now had a blue face. I was crying maniacally through chattering teeth asking over and over if I had a blue face, none of the recovery nurses knew what I was going on about, they must have thought I’d lost my mind.

After they’d given me some pethidine to stop the shivering I was able to explain about the blue dye, turns out they’d just put some sticky pads over my eyes as it was a long surgery, hence the sticky face.

It was long after that the pethidine sickness kicked in and I was then dry heaving like nobodies business, still crying my eyes out and generally looking very unhinged. When the recovery nurse asked me what my profession was, making small talk, I didn’t want to tell her I’m actually a nurse too 😂

Coachee · 21/05/2021 21:12

Although one of my absolutely favourite fart stories was when someone farted at yoga and the teacher just said ‘whoa, steady on’ and the whole class dissolved into laughter.

Macaroni46 · 21/05/2021 21:13

This is hilarious! Am literally crying with laughter!
I have three:
I was on holiday having a luxury massage but it was in a room with two other ladies. I was lying on my front, relaxing, when .. you guessed it, I let one rip, right in the face of the poor masseuse! She was very polite about it and the others all carried as if nothing had happened. I, on the other hand, could not get over it and laughed like a loon for the remainder of the session (left early in the end to spare everyone!)
Another time, I was teaching a group of children and let out a silent but deadly fart. The smell was horrific! The children very earnestly went around the table asking each other 'was it you?' Obviously they all said no. Finally, one turned to me and said, well it must've been you miss? I somehow managed to maintain a teacher face and replied 'of course not! Now let's get on!'
And this is the worst - once I was doing the deed with my then partner. Whilst rearranging myself, a drop of wee fell onto his face. I didn't even notice but he did. He was rather sweet and said it was erotic! I've been working on those pelvic floor exercises ever since 😂😂

BountyIsUnderrated · 21/05/2021 21:14

I kept farting in the midwives face being stitched up just after pushing the baby out, it was so embarrassing.
I had my legs in stirrups and just kept apologising, I put it down to loss of control from the epidural and maybe the baby being back to back lol.
My husband didn't even notice as he was holding the baby but I was mortified! Blush

Babaganoush888 · 21/05/2021 21:16

I cooked a shepherd's pie with proper lamb mince for DH family when we went away to the cotswolds on a family holiday.. Dd was 6 months at the time, was putting her down for sleep and she let out a little baby fart
. I found it hilarious.. In my hilarity, I must've let out about 15 farts in succession as a result of the shepherd's pie.. It made me laugh even harder, with every laugh followed a succession of blow offs.. Turned around and SIL and her husband were standing in the doorway waiting to say goodnight to us.
I'd never been so mortified in my life.

SilverGlassHare · 21/05/2021 21:19

I farted on the midwife’s fingers as she examined my stitches the day after my child was born. I did give her about 2 seconds’ warning that it was going to happen. She was NOT amused.

sergeilavrov · 21/05/2021 21:20

I can’t have endo ultrasounds/gynae exams, it just doesn’t fit. A doctor insisted that wasn’t right as I ‘didn’t understand anatomy’, tried it, and the top of the device cracked off as he tried to push it in. It was painful for me, as he tried to convince me he could pull it out. He couldn’t, in the end I had to ‘push’ because he couldn’t get his finger round it (as I had warned). I let out a little tune of ‘queefs’ as it came out. I didn’t complete the procedure, and I changed consultant. I hope that device was expensive to replace.

WithRosesAroundTheDoor · 21/05/2021 21:25

My colleague one came into the staff room, laughing and said 'hahaha it was me' not realising that I was in the room.
It turned out hat she had dropped a particularly silent but deadly one outside and her particularly horrible Year 6 class were lined up out there, alternating between gagging and fighting about who had done it. Grin

Dohrehmee · 21/05/2021 21:27

I farted in church when everyone was in silent prayer. I farted in the restaurant just as the music stopped. They all looked at my much larger friend when it was me. I farted in the dentist.

Discombobulation2020 · 21/05/2021 21:29

I have just read through this entire thread instead of a bedtime story with my 5 and 7 year olds sons who are absolutely beside themselves with giggles. We were meant to be reading an Enid Blyton story tonight! This doesn’t compare. Thank you all for making my kids’ day/week/month/lockdown 😂😂.