I farted in my surgeons face today.

[ImprobablePuffin]

AND I have to see him again 4 more times over the coming weeks !

God I may never live it down, he had me standing in front of him in my undies and a gown and he was sitting in front of me at belly height. He was feeling around my tummy and just pressed the wrong spot which catapulted a fart of mammoth proportions right out of me. I swear it echoed around his posh office!

Please cheer me up with your most embarrassing situations I really need a laugh before I curl up and die.

Having catheter removed post section with dc2.
Fanny farted out a clot of blood as I stood up, hit the hand of the HCA who was talking the catheter out and hit the floor with a wet splat noise. I was clearly holding the giant maternity pad in the wrong place.

@Tiredmum100

I've got another one, as a newly qualified nurse I was helping a patient wash, I was behind her, She stood up and let a out a long huge fart, then said some rhyme. I went home and was telling my parents and "said she then said a rhyme!" (I was only 22 in my defence and a bit horrified at the time). My parents thought it was hysterical. They were like "where ever you be let your wind blow free, in church or Chapel, let it rattle". I grew a sense of humour after that!

I knew a lady once who was a nurse in the 50s, aged 15 or 16, for all of four hours - she was helping a patient to the commode and the lady farted loudly .

She got the giggles - as did the patient apparently - and got sacked on the spot by the matron; sent home with her days wages and told to never come back . She never did tell her father that she was sacked, he died without ever knowing (I think she said to him that they had decided they didn’t need her after all or something like that!)

Haha this is brilliant. The Ebay one is my fave so far, keep em coming 💨😭

I was working as an A&E doctor: child brought in by mum with a twisted ankle. I squatted down to examine him and let out a huge fart. Wee boy nearly fell off his chair laughing!

I got asked to leave a yoga session because of my uncontrollable laughing after an unknown person farted. I was quietly asked to try and be more mature. I was trying so hard to stifle it, but just kept exploding with laughter. More embarrassing for me than whoever dealt it!!!!!

Having been poorly with the shits today thread has made me howls, oh medics they’ve seen the lot, you think farts are bad for smells try a bowel wash out now that does smell, no I’ve not had it but have read about.it.

Yep I’ve had several sigmoidoscopys and colonoscopys and most of the time I’ve farted either during it or after it. The last one the consultant was drop dead gorgeous and I felt awful. Thank god I was sedated and fell asleep almost after it .

Also I use to do acrobatics, I am a flyer but had always been paired with the only female base in the group but one day she was off and I was paired with a male.

I slipped and full on faceplanted squarely in his crotch, he collapsed from pain and I collapsed from awkward and mortified laughter (I giggle when Im nervous).

After a few minutes of recovery he asked me if I wanted to try again but I couldnt even look him in the face, I left the group not long after (turns out Im a prude when it comes to slapping my face against strange mens genitals lol).

All these recent ones, at least all the healthcare staff will be wearing masks!

I squirted breast milk on the young new dishy GP’s tie.

I had mastitis and he pressed on my boob…

Brilliant thread! Absolutely pi**ing myself!

@user1471518104

I had knee surgery under local anaesthesia and a nerve block

They never told me I would have no feeling below the waist. I shat myself trying to wee so
I could go home. I never noticed till it started to smell. I was still paralysed below the waist so nurses had to clean me up

😂😂 oh god, this one did make me laugh

The best thing about yoga via zoom classes during this effing pandemic is that we are on mute so if I need to fart I can do so without worrying !!!

@thisisbull that is amazing. I am crying with laughter

Yoga/fanny farts I used to get them really bad so I asked my yoga teacher (who never fanny farted) if I could do anything she said wear a tampon, take it out straight after the lesson of not on your period. It works I no longer fanny fart :)

[quote ShutUpAlex]@ImprobablePuffin you know in movies when someone falls and it’s slow motion and the nooooooo is really deep because they slow the voice down too? It was like that but out of my ass.[/quote]
You’ve made my night 🤣🤣🤣

I farted during a smear after having an Indian the night before. I apologised and the poor nurse withdrew her head and turned away. It was one of those that you know is potent because of the sting as it leaves. Was mortified.

Many years ago, when I was young, I went for my wisdom teeth pulling.
The anaesthesiologist came to speak to me before and there was definitely some flirting, lots of lingering eye contact and touching my hand. He was absolutely phwoarrrrr!
So down I go to theatre, pop up on the bed and I realise that I need to fart. Not a problem, thinks I. I am a pro at holding them in.

Anaesthesiologist starts counting backwards, holding my hand and looking into my eyes.
The last thing I remember before I lose consciousness is the sound of the fart reverberating around the room and that hot feeling when you know that it is going to smell rancid.

He came to check me over when I had come around. I had a face like elephant Man and there was definitely no flirting.

@mam0918

I have several family member who have had colonoscopies, they all aparently farted in the nurses face at some point... remind me never to apply for that job lol.

My worst is I was going in a lap surgery, they insisted on no knickers under the surgical gown and on the walk to theater right on cue AF decide to show up so I left a lovely little red trail behind me the whole way and on the hospital bed... I pretty much begged them to let me put my pants back on but they wouldnt let me.

I did similar, but had not done my gown up and had to walk through the waiting room to triage from the toilet. DH was baffled as to why everyone's eyes were following me until I walked past him and turned into the room. All of that while holding a pot of my own piss and my starch white bum wobbling away as I walked. The gown must've looked like curtains fluttering by an open window.

The new lady at work walked into my fart cloud and you could just see the smell hit her like a ton of bricks.

I'd let rip just before she came in and thought there was time for it to clear as everyone was in the main office.

She never seemed to like me after that. No idea why 😉

My boss was screaming at another director last week despite them not having done anything wrong, he was really kicking off and in the middle of his rant he farted. There was only me, him and the director present and I was grinning like a loon but he kept ranting. His chins were shaking which made it funnier.

Went to my evening class and popped into the ladies before it started. The light was busted so I sat down on the loo and started to pee only to feel it dripping down my legs. The lid was down and I was peeing everywhere. Managed to mop the mess off myself and put my wet pants in the bin and carried on with the class in my (luckily) maxi skirt.

If he pressed on your abdomen it was his fault wasn't it?
Same with the yoga example, they're totally expected in yoga.

Ooo mines a farty one too.

In labour, epidural&catheter in, they’ve just upped the dose because one part was still hurting and the anaesthetist is stood next to midwife who was so incredibly beautifully made up false eyelashes the lot and wouldn’t stop talking about her house reno and white Range Rover just going through my notes after the pain relief boost and this really slow loud bubbly noise appears from between my legs, like seriously slow mo.

We all look down into my crotch surprised and I say ‘I think somethings wrong with the catheter’ she smiles and says ‘that wasn’t urine my love that was a great big fart’

I wanted to die.

Not me, but a good friend was in hospital as a child for some routine operation (tonsils?) and had her teddy-bear with her.

What her family didn't know is that she used the teddy-bear as a kind of sex toy.

They found out, though, when she was coming round from the anaesthetic and they were all gathered happily around her bedside.