I farted in my surgeons face today.

[ImprobablePuffin]

AND I have to see him again 4 more times over the coming weeks !

God I may never live it down, he had me standing in front of him in my undies and a gown and he was sitting in front of me at belly height. He was feeling around my tummy and just pressed the wrong spot which catapulted a fart of mammoth proportions right out of me. I swear it echoed around his posh office!

Please cheer me up with your most embarrassing situations I really need a laugh before I curl up and die.

I was supposed to bite hard on cotton wool but my numbed mouth bit down hard on the dentist’s finger. After a few minutes a pained voice asked me to stop chewing his finger as it hurt

In hospital when I was 14. Needed a painkilling injection. In the arse. Could feel a fart brewing so was clenching and nurse kept telling me to relax. In the end she smacked me which had the desired effect in that I did indeed relax. Right in her face...

@Cocolapew

In labour with DD1 the Dr wanted to put a clip on her head as her heartbeat was dipping. He clipped his glove to her head as well, so was crouched at the business end trying to get his hand and glove out of my vadge. I said I felt like Sooty and laughed so hard at my own joke I farted in his face. I never saw him for the rest of my labour.

Oh my God! That's bloody brilliant!

Not a fart but I’ve just matched with an absolute beast of a beautiful man on tinder. He’s called Luke. Just sent him the following message...

Good morning. Lovely to match with you Puke 🤮

Think he’ll reply? 😂🤣

My godfather farted at my wedding. He was in his 90s, with poor sight and hearing at this point. He was sat near the front so he could see better which meant literally the whole congregation was behind his long, drawn out fart and heard it echoing round 😂 He was also so deaf he said loudly, 'has the priest said something funny?' Which had everyone in stitches again. The beauty of this moment is because he was so close to the front this was all picked up on the audio recording equipment and I get to relive the moment annually as we rewatch the DVD on our anniversary 😂

Oh thank you everyone, I needed a good laugh today!

My best moment, was when a nurse and junior dr (poor lad) were trying to remove a Mirena. They were fossicking around for so long I asked who was taking me out for dinner, we were waaay past first name terms.

Oh God , thank you for this fart thread , I’m having the best laugh ever !!

Gynae consultation.

Spaced out on G&A with horrendous ovary pains that were basically contracting my whole body involuntary.

Vaginal examination and then the consultant said he wanted to check my rectal / sphincter control muscles at the same time (or something along the lines of this)

Normally quite reserved person, but I told him I felt like human bowling ball with his digit locations

@tab@TableDesk 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂that is brilliant pictures it, oh dear. 😂😂

Wow thanks for the extra tales I thought this thread had dried up but I'm all for extra embarrassing stories

Morning, all! We had quite a few nominations to put this thread into Classics so we're moving it there now.

When DS was about 2.5 he had the biggest tantrum on the bus. He was running up and down screaming, yelling, the works. I was trying to get him back and was practically crying myself as the bus was packed and I could hear the tutting and feel the stairs. Anyway, I finally got him and wrestled him into his buggy, he of course was doing the ‘ironing board’ so it was very difficult. I then went to sit down, forgetting I’d been on a flip down seat and sat flat on my arse in front of the whole bus. I was mortified and nearly cried.

@HebeMumsnet

Morning, all! We had quite a few nominations to put this thread into Classics so we're moving it there now.

Oh wow, hurrah for farts!

Very well deserved indeed!

LOVE this thread

Laughing so hard at these. I'm 34 weeks pregnant so I daresay I will have my own embarrassing labour story soon...

For my IVF, I was sedated for egg collection and don't remember much about coming round. DH enjoyed it though. I was apparently stuck on repeat "how many eggs did you get" followed by "I haven't been rude to anyone, have I?" Eventually he told me to stop asking. Then they gave me some biscuits to nibble and I had a big monologue about my feelings on raisins (strongly against).

Not quite on a par with farting, but I had to see a gynae this week. He gave me instructions on getting undressed and where to lie but I was a bit flustered and didn't listen very carefully or notice the "modesty" sheet on top of the bed sheet. He came into the cubicle, was highly amused by the sight before him and said "ooh I didn't expect you to be lying there with everything on view, but if you're happy exposing all your bits, no problem by me." (He is lovely man). A bit more mortifying than it needed to be.

My husband made me feel better when I got home by pointing out that the doctor putting a condom and lubricant on what looked like a massive vibrator was never going to be anything but embarrassingly intimate. Irrespective of whether I had a bit of paper roll covering the frontal view.

I've got 2 , first one I used to work for a veterans organisation we would go and do hospital visits at night so me and another caseworker go to see our client he is on a 4 bed ward and the other occupants are quite lively shall we say haha so its visiting and its jammed in this ward for a split second the most elephantine thunderous fart comes from a sweet old man in the bed opposite everyone just stays silent then the old man piped up ' oooooo what was that ? ' I was giggling like a kid not very professional but the funniest thing I'd heard in a while .
The second one well not quite so funny for me anyways . So we are visiting again and this time the gentleman in the bed next to my client announces hes getting up and the uses my shoulder to support him as he walks past for this act of kindness he farted straight in my mouth mid sentence mortified I was , made the clients night though Haha

I'm labour with my middle one and being fixated on the idea that I was about to poo. I could hear myself on repeat saying 'I'm gonna pooooo' I didn't want to say it but I just couldn't stop!!
With dd1 being stitched up and saying 'ouch, that hurt' as the mw did the last one. She said 'it shouldn't do' I replied 'well it fucking did'

Not fart related but poo! Away for a few days holidays recently and visited a local heritage park. Every time we go away I can't poo for the first few days. Anyway.. woke up early that morning farting noon stop. As the day went on I knew I needed to go and wouldn't make it back to where we were staying. Nothing for it but to use the loo in the heritage park which was next to the restaurant. As luck would have it no one in there. After a few days of eating out and not going you can imagine the smell. While I was still going I hear a woman and her young children come in. The kids go into the cubicle while the mother waits outside, actually gagging at the smell At this stage the whole loo smells like some toxic waste disposal site. Next I hear the mother say omg the smell... kids come on get out! Young kid, what's wrong mummy, she hurriedly grabs the kids and goes. I meekly sit there wishing to make myself invisible. After a few minutes of waiting to make sure the coast was clear I hurriedly run out to wash my hands and go. I walk out through the restaurant and as I do I hear a young child say mummy, that must be the woman who did the smelly poo