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Original poster

I farted in my surgeons face today.

370 replies

ImprobablePuffin · 21/05/2021 16:57

AND I have to see him again 4 more times over the coming weeks !

God I may never live it down, he had me standing in front of him in my undies and a gown and he was sitting in front of me at belly height. He was feeling around my tummy and just pressed the wrong spot which catapulted a fart of mammoth proportions right out of me. I swear it echoed around his posh office!

Please cheer me up with your most embarrassing situations I really need a laugh before I curl up and die.

OP posts:
BrightYellowDaffodil · 21/05/2021 21:30

I was in a Pilates class and we were doing an exercise where you lie on your back, hug your knees to your chest and rock backwards and forwards to relax your back muscles.

The poor woman a few mats down from me farted loudly with each rock, and as we all dutifully rolled back and forth you could just hear fart, fart, fart in time with the twinkly woo music.

She styled it out but never came back.

Octopuscrazy · 21/05/2021 21:31

I once had to have a complex root canal. Dishy dentist. Had my first 3h session and was so bored so came prepared for the next session with an audio book.
I thought a chick lit would be perfect - a relaxing listen. So brought my earphones and settled down in the chair.
Now at this point my mouth is being held open with a mouth guard, we're about an hour in and I'm listening to the story, being still and quiet. From the outside it looks like I'm asleep.
Then a hilarious part of the story and I burst out laughing, proper crying tears laughing except, my mouth is stuck open. I'm making this weird gagging sound and i can barely breathe or swallow.
The dentist and the nurse are startled, theyre asking "are you alright, are you alright?"
I'm still in the middle of this hilarious part in the story, but now I'm also imagining how I look and their faces and I just laugh harder. Tears are streaming down my face. I rip the earphones out of my ears. I'm trying to explain I'm not crying, I'm laughing but I can't because my mouth is still in the mouth guard and all I can do is make this odd half choked sound like a strangled donkey.
I finally get myself under control enough to somehow explain that I'm laughing, not crying interspersed with random fits of giggles for the rest of the session.

The earphones didn't go back in, and stayed home for the next session...

RideaCockHorseOfCourse · 21/05/2021 21:32

Omigod, so funny - peeing myself laughing reading this thread........

LigPatin · 21/05/2021 21:34

God damn you all, I'm trying to go to bed but I'm wetting myself with these

torquewench · 21/05/2021 21:35

@masterofthechef

Are you on Only Fans? men are paying good money for that apparently SmileSmileSmile
Well this is the best career advice I had in 30 years, finally a way of making the most of my natural talent.📢🎺📣📯
supercee · 21/05/2021 21:35

@thisisbull

Went for a smear and as she inserted the speculum my eBay app made the ka-ching! Noise that meant I'd sold something but sounded like a til opening the dr just said 'well that's a bit inappropriate isn't it talk about timing' 😂😂😂😂

😂😂😂

Original poster
ImprobablePuffin · 21/05/2021 21:36

@Clevererthanyou

My boss was screaming at another director last week despite them not having done anything wrong, he was really kicking off and in the middle of his rant he farted. There was only me, him and the director present and I was grinning like a loon but he kept ranting. His chins were shaking which made it funnier.
At least I didn't fart so hard my jowls quivered, I guess.
OP posts:
thisisbull · 21/05/2021 21:37

This thread has made my day haha glad my expensive vagina has made people laugh! GrinGrin

Original poster
ImprobablePuffin · 21/05/2021 21:40

@Gwenhwyfar

If he pressed on your abdomen it was his fault wasn't it? Same with the yoga example, they're totally expected in yoga.
He didn't press that hard, it was just like he hit the magic trump button or something. I was as surprised as he was as previously I wasn't aware I needed to fart
OP posts:
MistySkiesAfterRain · 21/05/2021 21:40

@Octopuscrazy

I once had to have a complex root canal. Dishy dentist. Had my first 3h session and was so bored so came prepared for the next session with an audio book. I thought a chick lit would be perfect - a relaxing listen. So brought my earphones and settled down in the chair. Now at this point my mouth is being held open with a mouth guard, we're about an hour in and I'm listening to the story, being still and quiet. From the outside it looks like I'm asleep. Then a hilarious part of the story and I burst out laughing, proper crying tears laughing except, my mouth is stuck open. I'm making this weird gagging sound and i can barely breathe or swallow. The dentist and the nurse are startled, theyre asking "are you alright, are you alright?" I'm still in the middle of this hilarious part in the story, but now I'm also imagining how I look and their faces and I just laugh harder. Tears are streaming down my face. I rip the earphones out of my ears. I'm trying to explain I'm not crying, I'm laughing but I can't because my mouth is still in the mouth guard and all I can do is make this odd half choked sound like a strangled donkey. I finally get myself under control enough to somehow explain that I'm laughing, not crying interspersed with random fits of giggles for the rest of the session.

The earphones didn't go back in, and stayed home for the next session...

😂😂😂
supercee · 21/05/2021 21:42

To echo others my anxiety has been off the scale of late and contemplating going back on meds. This thread has brought much needed relief - thank you. 😂

Cocolapew · 21/05/2021 21:43

In labour with DD1 the Dr wanted to put a clip on her head as her heartbeat was dipping. He clipped his glove to her head as well, so was crouched at the business end trying to get his hand and glove out of my vadge. I said I felt like Sooty and laughed so hard at my own joke I farted in his face.
I never saw him for the rest of my labour.

Diwoo · 21/05/2021 21:46

I know this thread is mainly about being embarrassed about farting but I have fond memories of helping out at my DDs primary school and while they were sat on the floor round the teacher, one of the kids had farted. This one boy was proudly turning round to everyone, with a really pleased with himself look on his face, saying "it was me, it was me!"

JudgeJ · 21/05/2021 21:49

@Rhubarblin

The new lady at work walked into my fart cloud and you could just see the smell hit her like a ton of bricks.

I'd let rip just before she came in and thought there was time for it to clear as everyone was in the main office.

She never seemed to like me after that. No idea why 😉

Not a fart one but another bodily smell, I was once helping a pupil with some Maths problem when he turned towards me to speak, simultaneously he breathed out and I breathed in, his breath was hallitosis central, I had to leave the room, managed to ask a colleague to watch them and I went into the loo, parting company with most of my innards or so it seemed. Even now, 40 years later, I can still recall the smell.
Talkwhilstyouwalk · 21/05/2021 21:49

I really wouldn't give this another thought....those who work in the medical profession have seen it all. I'm
sure it must have happened to him before.

Original poster
ImprobablePuffin · 21/05/2021 21:49

"Unknowingly danced into my fart cloud"
😂😂😂

OP posts:
Dontsayyouloveme · 21/05/2021 21:51

Oh I farted at the chiropractors once. Was lying on my left hand side, left leg straight down on the bed, right leg up and bent at right angle. The chiropractor was leaning and pressing on my bent right leg, did the manoeuvre and I just could not help but let rip a fart!!! Mortified!!! I go every four weeks and I swear Im scared shitless it’s going to happen again. To the point now that I’m so tense in that position, that manoeuvre hardly ever works anymore!!

shewalkslikerihanna · 21/05/2021 21:53

Not me but my friend is in a chair.
She’d been swimming in the hotel pool went to the disabled loo to remove her wet cossie
Then realised she needed a wee
Climbed onto the loo as her chair went spinning over to the door
She had to pull the red cord and sit on the loo holding onto her bits till someone opened the door and gave her, her chair back.
Oh the shame!

torquewench · 21/05/2021 21:54

Ive got another farting one. Many years ago, me and a now long since ex went to the cinema to see the first Terminator film. During some very loud prolonged sound effects, I thought it'd be a safe opportunity to let what felt a little one slip out, and shifted position slightly. Cue sound effects ending suddenly and unexpectedly, immediately followed by a long, loud, smelly but satisfying trump encore. People 2 rows in front turned around to see where the noise was coming from.

YesIDoLoveCrisps · 21/05/2021 21:55

I farted so badly (after my csection) in the recovery ward. As we can’t add sounds on here I can only describe it by writing it down - pppppppppppppfffffffffffffffffbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbttttttttttbbbbbbbbbbbbfffffffffffffffffppppp
It was like my insides were deflating and settling and I felt much better after.

Selkie1961 · 21/05/2021 21:56

I once did a step class in Belsize park so other participants weren't too shabby. All v blonde, thin, all lovely. I schlepped up in joggers I'd owned for at least a decade, they might have the school crest on them, and I could not stop doing smelly farts. Quiet farts but smelly ones. At first I kept going because I thought nobody knows it's me, but then I looked up and a girl was holding her nose as she stepped up and down off the step. I styled it out as they say but never went back

shewalkslikerihanna · 21/05/2021 21:56

@Octopuscrazy
Oh that’s brilliant
I loved that
Thanks for the laugh

Original poster
ImprobablePuffin · 21/05/2021 21:57

I'm so happy that this thread has given a good laugh to those who need it. And thank you for sharing your tales too. I'd love to hear more!

OP posts:
Original poster
ImprobablePuffin · 21/05/2021 21:58

@Cocolapew

In labour with DD1 the Dr wanted to put a clip on her head as her heartbeat was dipping. He clipped his glove to her head as well, so was crouched at the business end trying to get his hand and glove out of my vadge. I said I felt like Sooty and laughed so hard at my own joke I farted in his face. I never saw him for the rest of my labour.
This is amazing 😂
OP posts:
Nichola2310 · 21/05/2021 22:00

I was having an embryo transfer as part of an IVF cycle. It's meant to be a meaningful/emotional experience where you can watch your embryo being placed.

You also have to have a full bladder, a nurse is pressing a scanner on your tummy, while the doctor is putting a speculum in.

I was going crazy as I was dying for the toilet, and the more the nurse pressed my tummy, the more I clenched, which meant I was managing to push the speculum back out.

Just as they were about to transfer the embryo I wet myself. It was completely mortifying and I cried for a lot of the journey home.