I farted in my surgeons face today.

[ImprobablePuffin]

AND I have to see him again 4 more times over the coming weeks !

God I may never live it down, he had me standing in front of him in my undies and a gown and he was sitting in front of me at belly height. He was feeling around my tummy and just pressed the wrong spot which catapulted a fart of mammoth proportions right out of me. I swear it echoed around his posh office!

Please cheer me up with your most embarrassing situations I really need a laugh before I curl up and die.

Not a fart one but....when I was at uni I went to a new dentist, I had a filling and had a numb anesthetised mouth. At the bit afterwards where they say 'now have a rinse ' I took a big gulp of pink mouthwash in the cup handed to me by the rather glamourous/ very groomed dental assistant.
Instead of spitting it out in the little sink I lost control over my numb mouth and spat the pink fluid all over her and her white uniform. Luckily she just laughed and said 'well, I'll remember you'. I have always made sure since to get my head right over the bowl.

@Codswallopcurry that is an amazing story! You have a way with words

I've got a curious arse. Each fart goes up at the end like it's asking a question.

My youngest, well, it's like something crawled up his arse and died.
Two memorable occasions were when he was in my friend's car with her son and my eldest. He let rip and said "sorry". Apparently, my friend got as far as "what are you sor.." before it hit. Everyone hit their window button at the same time.

The other was a flight to Kenya. He was particularly flatulent the entire flight for some reason. Anyway, as they were all leaving the plane, my husband saw the woman from the row behind. Her eyes were watery and she looked like a red eyed tree frog, he said. Poor woman.

@Babdoc

Don’t give it another thought, OP. I’m a retired anaesthetist, and this sort of thing goes with the territory. One of my colleagues, a colorectal surgeon, said ruefully that his toddler son greeted him on arrival at home with “Daddy, why do you always smell of poo?!” And your fart pales into insignificance beside a poor patient of mine who was awake, having a vaginal hysterectomy. Her bowel relaxed under the influence of the spinal, and suddenly emptied its entire contents into the gynae surgeon’s lap!

Hope you don't mind me asking, but I had a tummy tuck very recently and when I was in recovery apparently I had quite a lengthy chat with my surgeon about my procedure. Apparently I was also perfectly coherent etc

I have no memories of this conversation whatsoever! Is this normal?

@peaceanddove that’s very normal for conversation in the recovery room (From another anaesthetist)

Phew, thank you x

@VettiyaIruken

I've got a curious arse. Each fart goes up at the end like it's asking a question.

😂😂😂

Hi everyone much better today eating the dry foods toast biscuits drinking herbal tea now with honey, belly still painful but a huge improvement on yesterday even. No farting stories thank goodness.

@Codswallopcurry

This was some years ago, after a bowel investigation, when I was pumped up with air and a white fluid to coat my intestines, so as to make them more photogenic. My belly was literally the size of a blimp and sloshing around in medical grade emulsion paint. A nurse took me down a corridor afterwards and ushered me into a toilet/changing room and said I should sit on the loo and concentrate on expelling as much as I could. I had to exit through the door on the other side. I got dressed first then sat on the loo, guffing out copious amounts of white gunk and thunderous farts. It went from bass profundo up to dog whistle and back again and took forever. At one point, I felt as if I was being lifted off the seat through the sheer cacophony of farts. Eventually, after one last motorbiker, I grabbed my bag and slipped out through the opposite door - straight into a packed waiting area, where every eye was swivelled in the direction of the Olympic champion farter emerging into the room.

This is hilarious 🤣

The worlds oldest written joke (from 1900BC) was about farting. So clearly it has always been funny.

@apalledandshocked

The worlds oldest written joke (from 1900BC) was about farting. So clearly it has always been funny.

I’ve always thought that farts must have been one of the first thing humans found funny when we started developing into actual people rather than just advanced animals

Wind isn’t when it’s trapped,

@NecklessMumster

Not a fart one but....when I was at uni I went to a new dentist, I had a filling and had a numb anesthetised mouth. At the bit afterwards where they say 'now have a rinse ' I took a big gulp of pink mouthwash in the cup handed to me by the rather glamourous/ very groomed dental assistant. Instead of spitting it out in the little sink I lost control over my numb mouth and spat the pink fluid all over her and her white uniform. Luckily she just laughed and said 'well, I'll remember you'. I have always made sure since to get my head right over the bowl.

Similar incident with the mouth wash at my last trip to the dentist. Managed to knock the full glass against the tap, it flew in the air and landed all over my lap (right through to my undies). In a perfect circular shape as if I'd wet myself.

I had to endure the hygienist, a half an hour wait for my dental appointment and back into the waiting room to pay and book my next appointment. I felt compelled to tell everyone in the surgery that I hadn't wet myself, thus making me look even more guilty.

This is one if the best threads I've ever read! Thank you so much for the laughter before bed, no doubt I'll be dreaming of farts

I sucked my dentists' finger!

I heard her say suction so I did my best.

I still feel the flush of shame when I remember it. She was very nice about it though.

Thank you so much for bringing me some joy and laughter with all these replies. I'm really hoping some more tales seep their way into this thread

I cry at this thread I really do and I don’t laugh at tv comedy this has been pure gold wind much better agony today but yay no shit, so we’re getting there.

Trapped wind has to be one of the most painful things ever!
I remember after my csection my stomach was swollen so big and they done that thing were they tap your stomach and it sounded hollow so I was rushed for an X-ray, they thought I had internal bleeding and then they told me it was just wind

Well mine's been agony but slowly going, really fancy a tomato 🍅 bap today so going to have one and a jacket spud small no butter just tuna, for. tea

Trapped wind is a nightmare!

My Dad had chest pain, suspected heart attack, went to A&E, they did some sort of scan for something else, decided he had a burst ulcer and sent him for emergency surgery.

They spent hours examining every inch of his bowel and found nothing. He spent over a week in hospital with drains, drips and a nasal feeding tube, hopped up on drugs and being a terrible patient.

Eventually, after ruling out everything else, they decided it was probably just trapped wind.

Then there was a phase where whenever he seemed to be overreacting we threatened him with A&E. However, one time his dramatically overacted back pain did turn out to be a tumour so we're back to getting him checked out for everything now.

Poor man has had more X-rays than could possibly be healthy but is otherwise fine, just has some interesting scars.

I fainted on a toilet mid wee with pants round my ankle after abdominal surgery. Lovely nurse had to wipe me and hoick my pants up.
I also tried to cancel my smear last week due to my period but the the receptionist merrily told me to still come along. The noise and smell of a speculum in the midst of THAT. Joyful.

Hilarious op 🤣

@MisdemeanourOnTheFloor

I got asked to leave a yoga session because of my uncontrollable laughing after an unknown person farted. I was quietly asked to try and be more mature. I was trying so hard to stifle it, but just kept exploding with laughter. More embarrassing for me than whoever dealt it!!!!!

In a day that’s not been so good so far this thread has brought joy 😂 I love a good fart story, totally relate to Misdemeaour here. I always laugh much longer than everyone else to the risk of totally embarrassing myself.

Thanks, Jackiethefart.
Takes a bow.