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Original poster

I farted in my surgeons face today.

370 replies

ImprobablePuffin · 21/05/2021 16:57

AND I have to see him again 4 more times over the coming weeks !

God I may never live it down, he had me standing in front of him in my undies and a gown and he was sitting in front of me at belly height. He was feeling around my tummy and just pressed the wrong spot which catapulted a fart of mammoth proportions right out of me. I swear it echoed around his posh office!

Please cheer me up with your most embarrassing situations I really need a laugh before I curl up and die.

OP posts:
YesIDoLoveCrisps · 22/05/2021 23:08

@MisdemeanourOnTheFloor

Oh god, just remembered, heavily pregnant last year and doing my daily massive walk. Suddenly realised, oh my god, the baby's coming!! Warned my husband and yanked my t-shirt off to fashion a nappy under my crotch, and did the largest poo known to man!!! I then had to waddle the remaining half mile home, hands down my joggers front and back to carry it like a blancmange and a noise started; yeah my neighbours had come out to clap for carers as I hobbled past. Took a lot of loo roll and just standing in the shower shell shocked to sort that out!
You had a little poo baby. Congratulations Flowers
Definately · 22/05/2021 23:13

The copper coil caused me to have very heavy bleeding so I asked to have it removed, they advised me to do this in the middle of my period so my cervix would be open. I was bleeding so heavily the poor doctor couldn't keep the speculum in and at one stage I coughed and it went flying across the room. Blood everywhere it was like a massacre.

ilovesouthlondon · 22/05/2021 23:31

Did it smell and if it did, how bad?

NeedToKnow101 · 22/05/2021 23:32

Got plenty of my own fart and pop stories, but this was one I read in the paper. A plane had to do an emergency landing at a nearby airport, not the destination one, soon after leaving the airport as people smelled burning.
They thought it was terrorism-related. Staff found loads of spent matches and a passenger confessed to lighting matches to burn away the smell of her farts.

Original poster
ImprobablePuffin · 22/05/2021 23:39

@ilovesouthlondon

Did it smell and if it did, how bad?
Do you mean mine?

It did definitely smell but it wasn't a horrific rotten egg affair, but there was no getting around the fact the smell and noise all originated from my anus.

OP posts:
jengles · 22/05/2021 23:55

@Alcemeg

Not me, but a good friend was in hospital as a child for some routine operation (tonsils?) and had her teddy-bear with her.

What her family didn't know is that she used the teddy-bear as a kind of sex toy.

They found out, though, when she was coming round from the anaesthetic and they were all gathered happily around her bedside.

Oh blimey... this one has made me go Shock & as a nurse, I thought I was unshockable!!
sweetgingercat · 23/05/2021 00:26

So I have a friend affectionately known as three chairs Helen... this is because she was in a meeting at a hotel in a big conference room with chairs with white slip covers. She was on one of her heaviest days and during the meeting she flooded over one of those white chairs. Somehow she didn't notice and at the end of the meeting moved to the adjacent chair to talk to someone and that chair ended up with a big red stain too. She realised when she stood up and went upstairs immediately to change. In the afternoon she returned for another meeting in the room and as she went in she was embarrassed to have to walk past the two soiled red chairs which had been discretely moved to one side by a couple of porters who gave her an odd look. Unfortunately she flooded again in the afternoon and ended up staining another white chair red. She was hideously embarrassed at the time, but we've had some good laughs remembering it!

DoveOfPiss · 23/05/2021 00:41

Omg this thread has cheered me up so much!! I'm crying with laughter and wheezing like Muttley 😂😂 loved the Sooty one and the yoga ones.

My eldest, now nearly 19, when she woke up in her cot as a baby, would lift both her legs up in the air and let rip with a massive fart or two, every morning, then chuckle to herself like babies do 😁 then I'd see her grinning face over the rail. Bless her.
The ones she does now are eye-watering 😱

helphealthanxiety · 23/05/2021 01:01

Had horrendous piles a few years ago and GP insisted she wanted to do an internal exam/proctoscopy . GP preparing to do said exam thing and I say; I’m awful worried about ‘cleanliness’ - despite shower before spot etc - and without thinking, nervous and speaking absolute shite, said; ‘I do like to keep a tidy house you see, I’m very house proud .’ GP ended up holding onto the wall trying to catch her breath laughing and said she’d never heard that before . She ended up having to tell me to stop giggling, as scope thingy kept falling out and she was afraid it was going to hit her in the forehead . Poor woman !

KimMarie34 · 23/05/2021 01:18

Google the words 'gym evacuated after terrible fart caused woman to throw up and provoke fears of sewage problem'. It came up on my news feed today. It'll instantly make you feel better when you realise it could have been worse Smile

RagzReturnsRebooted · 23/05/2021 01:42

Heavily pregnant with DS1 and walking down the High Street, letting out massive louds farts for a good 4 or 5 steps. Turned my head to check no one was behind me to see a middle aged man who'd just passed me in the opposite direction standing and staring with a horrified expression.

hellyeahllama · 23/05/2021 01:47

@thisisbull

Went for a smear and as she inserted the speculum my eBay app made the ka-ching! Noise that meant I'd sold something but sounded like a til opening the dr just said 'well that's a bit inappropriate isn't it talk about timing' 😂😂😂😂
🤣
leeds2glasgow · 23/05/2021 02:38

@Pinklemonade1

Listen, a fart in the face when you work as a Dr or nurse is pretty much standard. Imagine being admitted to hospital with a mini fanta can stuck up your arse! .. not me btw , but one of my patients...on Boxing day!! 😆
Yup. So professional. It's funny but do you not think it could be recognised?
leeds2glasgow · 23/05/2021 02:43

@Stacey8989

Hello ladies, I'm so clumsy and recently dropped a carton of double cream whilst carrying my shopping in (I live in a flat) Cue it splashing absolutely everywhere! I've scrubbed the carpets no problem and wiped down the walls straight away but it has still left a dark wet looking splash mark's all up the painted walls. I've scrubbed them several times with no luck. Any ideas to get rid so I don't have to repaint?😭😭
Don't answer this one.
happylemon10 · 23/05/2021 02:55

@Triphazards

Better an empty house, than a bad tenant.
😂😂
Bodynegative · 23/05/2021 08:16

Oh @Gilead you've made my day. I have IBS and a damaged sphincter, not a good combo 😂💩. Added to that I've got a sliding hiatus hernia which closes off my oesophagus making me suddenly choke and need to vomit, the pressure of which can cause a shart or full follow through. I've become more & more embarrassed & reclusive, your post has brought it back to me that I'm not the only one in this position. Thanks!

Purplealienpuke · 23/05/2021 08:35

Im embarrassed to say I've actually made a family member puke with one of my farts....
And laughed that hard I farted again, cue more puking 🤣🤣

FoxgloveBee · 23/05/2021 08:44

Don't worry at all about that! It's a brilliant story!

I was getting a coil removed by a very glum practitioner and another was in the room talking to me (I have form for fainting) and when the speculum went in the one sat at my side said something horrendously funny and I snorted, laughed and that for whatever reason sent the speculum shooting out of me into the lap of the practitioner.

That made me howl even more. Haven't dared go back since and go to a different clinic now.

Surlyburd · 23/05/2021 08:47

I once walked into a room i was taking minutes in. A large room with lots of important clients and directors. I sneezed and let out an enormous fart at the same time. ( i tried to sneeze silently, unfortunately this had the opposite effect from the other end) . My only defence is that i was 7 months pregnant.

JamesMcavoysforearms · 23/05/2021 09:03

I once went to a really crowded pub and had to make may way through the crowd to get to the loo, I was a bit desperate and knew I was going to fart and it was going to be an eye waterer. I spotted a man I knew in the crowd who was well known for stinky farts. I pushed my way through the crowd, stopped to say hello to him, farted and carried on. Yep, I was right it was a stinker and he totally got the blame 😂

Purplealienpuke · 23/05/2021 09:06

Remembered another story...
As a child, in the poshest shop in London. Walking through the food hall with my Mum and Aunt. Aunt let rip, really loudly, turned to my Mum, blamed her at the top of her voice and walked off laughing 😆 poor mum was mortified 🤣🤣

Soubriquet · 23/05/2021 09:09

My dd once farted in a charity shop when she was about 3 and emptied the store within seconds

It was seriously toxic and the poor till worker had watery eyes and was wafting the door to try and get it to go

Barney60 · 23/05/2021 09:32

Am just catching up on MN posts , my childish humour is crying at this post, exactly what i needed after a long week at work. Cant decide which is worst (best) SO many funny ones, thank you.

JackieTheFart · 23/05/2021 09:35

@leeds2glasgow You're clearly not a medical professional if you think that is identifying!

People being admitted with foreign objects up their derriere is not unusual in the slightest.

Ddot · 23/05/2021 09:53

I dont think that person would complain anyway.

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