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Original poster

I farted in my surgeons face today.

370 replies

ImprobablePuffin · 21/05/2021 16:57

AND I have to see him again 4 more times over the coming weeks !

God I may never live it down, he had me standing in front of him in my undies and a gown and he was sitting in front of me at belly height. He was feeling around my tummy and just pressed the wrong spot which catapulted a fart of mammoth proportions right out of me. I swear it echoed around his posh office!

Please cheer me up with your most embarrassing situations I really need a laugh before I curl up and die.

OP posts:
FitYeDaeinYeMadRadge · 22/05/2021 20:02

I have been in a room with my patients and have let go when bending down or standing up suddenly. Mine are not musical or a gentle pffft. They sound like sharp rifle cracks and the look of sheer astonishment on their faces makes me die inside.

They usually don’t smell so I brazen it out. I must be the only person who loves wearing a mask at work. My eyes give nothing away. My cheeks are on fire.

Tumbleweed101 · 22/05/2021 20:11

Brilliant - love this thread.

Not bodily related but one of the more embarrassing things I've done... Went to the cinema, it has an absolutely huge foyer and my friend and I were the only ones in it. We'd got our tickets but screen wasn't quite ready so sat on the chairs opposite to wait to be called.

A few minutes later we get gestured to come over, I jump up and hurry across, oblivious to all around me when I feel a lump under my foot and hear an 'Ow!' - I realise at that point I have just stepped on the foot of the only other person in the whole foyer! I say, 'Oh, so sorry didn't see you!' and continue to hurry across to the entrance to the screens. At this point I realise how ridiculous the whole situation is and get a giggling fit. A few minutes later the same person and a friend come into the screen. I think it was about only the four of us in for the whole film. Spent the whole film trying not to giggle!

Sassybeaa · 22/05/2021 20:18

I had a patient let out a massive fart when I was a dental nurse!! He was very nervous and tense, a massive fart shot out. I can't deny it was very funny and I have no idea how I kept a straight face.
Now as a healthcare professional, burping, farting, vomit, poo, genitals is all so mundane to me Grin

Itsabingthing2 · 22/05/2021 20:20

Let out a humongous fart in front of my new partner (now hubby) the very first time we had sex. I was mortified, luckily he though it was hilarious 😂

Blushingsohard · 22/05/2021 20:20

@Stacey8989

Hello ladies, I'm so clumsy and recently dropped a carton of double cream whilst carrying my shopping in (I live in a flat) Cue it splashing absolutely everywhere! I've scrubbed the carpets no problem and wiped down the walls straight away but it has still left a dark wet looking splash mark's all up the painted walls. I've scrubbed them several times with no luck. Any ideas to get rid so I don't have to repaint?😭😭
@Stacey8989 I imagine it’s the grease from the fat in the cream. Try getting it off with neat fairy liquid that you then wipe off with a hot damp cloth. No idea which thread you wanted to post on but doubt it was this one! Grin
EduardoStobarto · 22/05/2021 20:25

@Bettyboopawoop

Had my baby went home. Next day I was waiting for midwife visit, needed the loo and you know when you have one of those shits where your neverending wiping your arse? And it doesn't seem to get clean! Well I was in the middle of one of those when the midwife knocked! Wiping my ass as fast as I could ready to have stitches checked,.............well I haven't cleaned it all and she made sure she told me too! She went eewwwweeeee
We call that 'Biro bum' 🤣
Ddot · 22/05/2021 20:43

After anesthetic I swear like a fish wife, apparently it's very impressive

Ddot · 22/05/2021 20:45

Oh just remembered I once projectile vomited in the dentist chair 🤮

moolady1977 · 22/05/2021 20:58

Farting threads have me in tears and this one was no different , my oh and sd asked what was so funny so I told them and they were nearly crying at some of them .

Cocolapew · 22/05/2021 20:59

I'm on codeine atm and it constipates me but also makes me a tad windy. I came down the stairs the other day and farted with each step down. I was madly impressed, DH not so much but I think it was jealousy.

dyslek · 22/05/2021 21:10

I fanny farted in front of students. It was long and very loud. Unlike farts you cant hold in fanny farts and I just had to carry on discussing 20th C historty pretending it was not happening.
I try to never think of it. Blush

mumda · 22/05/2021 21:13

One of the spice girls has a yoga video. might be Baby. Doesn't really matter.
But she starts doing yoga and farts.
It's hysterical. But I've never watched the whole dvd because of it.

Splashingincuddles · 22/05/2021 21:24

A few days after major bowel surgery I needed to go - urgently - so checked with a passing nurse if I was ok to try to walk to the toilet (first time out of the bed). ‘Yes, good idea’, he says, nonchalantly, so as quick as I could I gathered up my menagerie of wires, tubes, drip and catheter and made a move...only to be literally yanked back by the oxygen tube wrapped around my head and up my nose. The shock of the motion and the realization I wasn’t going to be quick enough released the kraken. If you’ve ever had bowel surgery (or worked on a gastro ward) you’ll probably know how utterly revolting the first...ahem...movement is after surgery Confused. It’s like meconium. Only smellier. And more voluminous. God it was everywhere. Poor ward staff Blush.

jillb55 · 22/05/2021 21:43

I have such a history of this that I do not know where to begin.

Original poster
ImprobablePuffin · 22/05/2021 22:02

@Stacey8989

Hello ladies, I'm so clumsy and recently dropped a carton of double cream whilst carrying my shopping in (I live in a flat) Cue it splashing absolutely everywhere! I've scrubbed the carpets no problem and wiped down the walls straight away but it has still left a dark wet looking splash mark's all up the painted walls. I've scrubbed them several times with no luck. Any ideas to get rid so I don't have to repaint?😭😭
Have you tried farting on it?
OP posts:
Original poster
ImprobablePuffin · 22/05/2021 22:08

@jillb55

I have such a history of this that I do not know where to begin.
At the beginning
OP posts:
Leonberger · 22/05/2021 22:14

Not my fart but I still remember this with shame.

Out with my sister for some lunch. We like to wind eachothers up as most sisters do and no topic is out of bounds so fart jokes are quite normal.

Both go to toilets next door to each other, only 3 toilets in the pub and nobody in number 3.
After a minute or so my sister starts farting and sounding like she’s exploding from the inside out. The smell was also horrendous and it was literally just fart after fart for what felt like forever. I start to giggle and can’t stop.

So I do the natural caring sisterly thing trying to be funny and shout ‘what is wrong with your arse woman your completely stinking the place out’ while laughing my head off.

Only to find my sister was no longer in the toilet when I came out but was standing at the sink like this Shock as someone else is in the 3rd toilet after all and I’ve just shouted some random stranger about her bowels over the cubicle door.

I’ve never left a room so fast in my entire life Blush

Eaumyword · 22/05/2021 22:21

Brilliant thread!
My worst was a hideously early flight that DH and I were on. It had clearly played havoc with our insides and we had a whispered discussion about needing to fart. I said I thought I'd read plane seats have carbon in them so it would disappear into the seats.
Unfortunately 30 seconds later, the 2 businessmen in the row in front went silent and one of them said jeez.
We absolutely died of embarrassment. It really was dreadful and wouldn't inflict that on anyone usually Blush

Ddot · 22/05/2021 22:24

Partner when young farted top deck of bus, his mate got a hot lung full and threw up

Ddot · 22/05/2021 22:33

I wasn't very well and needed surgery but before I had to get scans. One showed a problem with my cervix, it appeared bulky. I had to have it examined before op. Gynecologists proclaimed its fine nothing wrong with it. Turns out I have a fat muff

Eaumyword · 22/05/2021 22:34

Fat muff!Grin

FedUpWithBriiiiick · 22/05/2021 22:45

This is very niche and quite outing, but I went into labour the day that a famous NI political couple's marriage woes hit the press. It was carpet coverage of the horrid husband on the telly in the labour suite.

I was absolutely boogaloo on G&A and at one point shouted "GET THAT FUCKING CUNT OFF THE TV!"

Po-faced midwife was verr unamused. But she did turn off the telly.

weegiemum · 22/05/2021 22:57

When I was giving birth to dd2, there was a very young, very keen junior doc who earnestly asked if she could do my delivery as she needed a certain number of births for her training.

She was Very Keen and before too long dh was referring to her as "Dr Jolly Hockey Sticks". He's a doc himself and has worked with many keen doctors but she was the Very Keenest. The final part of Labour was quite fast. My waters hadn't broken but it was all ok. Then on the second last push she had put her head down to look and with an audible 'pop' my waters exploded in her face. She backed off but I was laughing and suddenly needed to push again and dd2 flew out into the midwife's hands. The fluid had hit the far wall, it was horrendous!

And she didn't even "get" the delivery after all that!

CoffeethenCrochet · 22/05/2021 23:03

I started a new type of medication, only to discover I was allergic to it. So there I was continuously vomiting every 30 seconds, every time I vomitted I also farted. Then the door to the bathroom opened as my then DP was on the phone to the GP for advice and needed me to answer some questions, he heard it all, including the ridiculously loud farts every time I was sick Blush it's now referred to as my party trick. He still asked me to marry him a year later Grin

NeedToKnow101 · 22/05/2021 23:06

@sweetgingercat

I used to take my young son to a violin class. When he went through that familiar stage of loving everything to do with farty-poohs he would regularly and proudly fart in his music lesson and for good measure go and stand next to his teacher who suffered in silence.

I used to think it was impossible to feel any more embarrassment until day the smell was so overwhelming she left the room and I hurried after her. As I apologised we turned back to look through the window to see him smilingly enjoying the swirling stench of his own brown fart cloud alone...

😂😂 Like Damien from the Omen.

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