I farted in my surgeons face today.

[ImprobablePuffin]

AND I have to see him again 4 more times over the coming weeks !

God I may never live it down, he had me standing in front of him in my undies and a gown and he was sitting in front of me at belly height. He was feeling around my tummy and just pressed the wrong spot which catapulted a fart of mammoth proportions right out of me. I swear it echoed around his posh office!

Please cheer me up with your most embarrassing situations I really need a laugh before I curl up and die.

@Bodynegative bless you, it can be grim, but it can be funny too, I’ve had my (adult) kids link up on messenger video calls singing ‘oh dear what can the matter be’ when I’m stuck in the loo!

My mother was having a smear test at the local surgery. The roof was getting fixed, and you guessed it. A builders head appeared above her. I don't know who was more shocked!

@mumda

One of the spice girls has a yoga video. might be Baby. Doesn't really matter. But she starts doing yoga and farts. It's hysterical. But I've never watched the whole dvd because of it.

Omg was it Geri?? I have that dvd somewhere but I've never noticed a parp 😂

In labour with DD, I was on all fours and I pooed, only thing is, the midwife was sitting on a chair at the end of my bed so she was literally eye level with my bum. As I was pooing.

@AintNobodyHereButUsChickens

In labour with DD, I was on all fours and I pooed, only thing is, the midwife was sitting on a chair at the end of my bed so she was literally eye level with my bum. As I was pooing.

This is exactly what happened to me 😂. On all fours, having a poo, whilst trying to give birth, but she managed to scoop up what needed scooping as well as deliver the baby without any bother.

@Soubriquet

My dd once farted in a charity shop when she was about 3 and emptied the store within seconds

It was seriously toxic and the poor till worker had watery eyes and was wafting the door to try and get it to go

This has killed me 🤣

I was having sex once and he was on top of me kind of smothering me a bit with his body so I'm having a bit of a struggle to breath properly. I ended up breathing out and blowing a massive raspberry on his chest/neck.
Not exactly an embarrassing story but it was silly and made me giggle (although he just carried as if he'd not noticed, which made it feel even sillier to me 😅)

@GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER

Waiting for dh once in a cafe at Heathrow, saw flight finally ‘baggage in hall’, got up to go, slipped on a wet floor, very nearly went arse over breakfast time (as my DF used to say), but just managed to save myself. But in the process I let out a super-explosive fart - in the middle of the aisle between occupied tables. Somehow managed to summon the aplomb to depart head high as if nothing had happened - still not sure how.

Many years earlier at work, I realised right after talking to two male colleagues that I’d just started a period which had flooded the fairly tight white trousers I was wearing. They absolutely must have noticed, but were too polite/embarrassed to say anything.
I don’t know when I’ve been so mortified.
Luckily I had the car and him was only a 10 minute drive, so was able to zoom back and change.

I think your using that quote wrong 'Arsehole to breakfast time' is an old army phrase and refers to time meaning 24 hours starting at dawn so dawn til dawn (so from the arsecrack of day back round to breakfast).

The phrase for falline over is 'Arse over tit'.

Someone once let out a real rattler of a trump while sitting on a plastic chair during my son's harvest festival. It completely drowned out the children singing "We Plough the Fields and Scatter" and echoed round the assembly hall. I was sat next to my friend and we couldn't look at each other as we were both doing the silent shuddering laugh with tears rolling down our faces.

I’m still about three days in with virus getting tired now of shitting liquid, but it will pass.

Home birth baby number one. Midwife is sure my waters have broken, even though I say I don't think they have (I was in a birthing pool), so she pulls me out into the couch for an internal exam. Promptly bursts my waters all over herself and the couch. At least I didn't think it was all my fault.

In hospital, mid haemorrhage from miscarriage, had lost a lot of blood; couldn't really open my eyes but could hear and talk. doc comes in with ultrasound and while checking mentions I've been catheterised. I say no I haven't. Shortly after he's gone I realise I've been slowly pissing myself the whole time

@Holothane

I’m still about three days in with virus getting tired now of shitting liquid, but it will pass.

Bloody hell this doesn't sound entertaining in the slightest!

@mayfairmummy

Home birth baby number one. Midwife is sure my waters have broken, even though I say I don't think they have (I was in a birthing pool), so she pulls me out into the couch for an internal exam. Promptly bursts my waters all over herself and the couch. At least I didn't think it was all my fault.

In hospital, mid haemorrhage from miscarriage, had lost a lot of blood; couldn't really open my eyes but could hear and talk. doc comes in with ultrasound and while checking mentions I've been catheterised. I say no I haven't. Shortly after he's gone I realise I've been slowly pissing myself the whole time

Do you mean into the catheter bag or you weren't catheterised and pissing everywhere?

No way. With those surgeries you are given packs of pre op powder enemas to take the day before at particular times to completely empty your bowels, and no food allowed between then and the op.

The above was reply to Babdoc

@improbablepuffin. I was just peeing all over the bed. Dr clearly saw the urine passing but didn't say anything . Nurse was very kind to me when I very embarrassingly explained I'd wet myself .

@thisisbull

Went for a smear and as she inserted the speculum my eBay app made the ka-ching! Noise that meant I'd sold something but sounded like a til opening the dr just said 'well that's a bit inappropriate isn't it talk about timing' 😂😂😂😂

This has absolutely made my night!! 😂😂😂😂

@Improbablepuffin It’s not today at least we’ll this even two rich tea biscuits about an hour apart that will do for now, I just hope tomorrow things will start getting back to normal at least I can sit up now for an hour or so without feeling queasy/sick/dizzy, dh brilliant yesterday grabbed pyjamas and knickers for me for most of the day.

Meant to say this evening.

Since I had a baby I get the loudest imaginable fanny farts if I do a yoga class.

[quote Holothane]@Improbablepuffin It’s not today at least we’ll this even two rich tea biscuits about an hour apart that will do for now, I just hope tomorrow things will start getting back to normal at least I can sit up now for an hour or so without feeling queasy/sick/dizzy, dh brilliant yesterday grabbed pyjamas and knickers for me for most of the day.[/quote]
I'm really sorry to hear that and I hope you start feeling better soon.
I was just slightly confused as you posted on a thread about funny but mortifying farts

Yes I’d laughed earlier in the week then disappeared but back now,

I threw up so hard when I was getting induced that I completely soaked the bed wetting myself- just after the nurse had taken the bed pad off, thinking I wouldn't need it.

She then told my partner about it when he walked in hahah oops

This was some years ago, after a bowel investigation, when I was pumped up with air and a white fluid to coat my intestines, so as to make them more photogenic. My belly was literally the size of a blimp and sloshing around in medical grade emulsion paint. A nurse took me down a corridor afterwards and ushered me into a toilet/changing room and said I should sit on the loo and concentrate on expelling as much as I could. I had to exit through the door on the other side. I got dressed first then sat on the loo, guffing out copious amounts of white gunk and thunderous farts. It went from bass profundo up to dog whistle and back again and took forever. At one point, I felt as if I was being lifted off the seat through the sheer cacophony of farts. Eventually, after one last motorbiker, I grabbed my bag and slipped out through the opposite door - straight into a packed waiting area, where every eye was swivelled in the direction of the Olympic champion farter emerging into the room.

A few days post-CS I was discharged and was taken to a nearby Spoons for dinner. DD was in SCBU so it was a break from the hospital routine. I sharted badly. So badly DH was despatched to go home and get spare clothes whilst my Mum kept me company in the loo. Never ever been so embarrassed.