I farted in my surgeons face today.

[ImprobablePuffin]

AND I have to see him again 4 more times over the coming weeks !

God I may never live it down, he had me standing in front of him in my undies and a gown and he was sitting in front of me at belly height. He was feeling around my tummy and just pressed the wrong spot which catapulted a fart of mammoth proportions right out of me. I swear it echoed around his posh office!

Please cheer me up with your most embarrassing situations I really need a laugh before I curl up and die.

@BetterThanKleenex

Couples yoga. Silent room full of very yoga-y people who took it so seriously in their yoga costumes. DH made me laugh during the downward dog and I farted so loud the windows rattled. He snort laughed and fell down and the women next to me laughed until they farted too. Made the rest of the session more fun though!

I am literally crying with laughter

@MisdemeanourOnTheFloor

Oh god, just remembered, heavily pregnant last year and doing my daily massive walk. Suddenly realised, oh my god, the baby's coming!! Warned my husband and yanked my t-shirt off to fashion a nappy under my crotch, and did the largest poo known to man!!! I then had to waddle the remaining half mile home, hands down my joggers front and back to carry it like a blancmange and a noise started; yeah my neighbours had come out to clap for carers as I hobbled past. Took a lot of loo roll and just standing in the shower shell shocked to sort that out!

This is so funny 😂 you poor girl

I called the doctor a stupid cunt when I was sedated with gas and air during a colonoscopy.

@Rebelwithverysharpclaws

I called the doctor a stupid cunt when I was sedated with gas and air during a colonoscopy.

😂😂😂

I hope this becomes a mumsnet classic, utterly brilliant!

I am still laughing at the poster who stroked the doctor''s arm and professed love for him and the one who asked about sex, to the doctor's consternation.

I was having a post-op examination and check up after a hysterectomy. I got up on the bed - you know how they tell you to pull your knees up and then let them flop to the side? - well, the incredibly posh consultant came round the curtains and I immediately did the floppy legs to give him an excellent view of my nethers. He said 'I just want to feel your tummy at this stage, please put your legs down and closed'. I felt both ashamed and told off. Before the examination when I was undressing, I made sure my pants were well hidden on the chair under my trousers. Why was I so eager and willing to display my flange but oh no, he mustn't see my pants!

Sooty

This is so bloody funny ,you've actually made my day.
It could happen to anyone, put it this way better you farted on him than have him fart on you.
You are human.

I had a very severe case of inflammatory bowel (painful) I managed to walk to doctors but it wasn't easy. After examining me, my very handsome Dr handed me a handful of tissue, yep shat on him.

During lockdown I seem to have quite forgotten that you shouldn't fart in public 😕

Listen, a fart in the face when you work as a Dr or nurse is pretty much standard. Imagine being admitted to hospital with a mini fanta can stuck up your arse! .. not me btw , but one of my patients...on Boxing day!! 😆

Thank you for the laugh everyone, I’m crying 🤣🤣

I suspect I did all sorts of disgusting things when I was giving birth.

But I farted one day when I was doing a session with my personal trainer. It was very noisy. We both giggled. Fortunately we were outside!

I sometimes want to fart when I am running and have become quite adept at clenching my buttocks to let it out quietly. But I occasionally run with people who have no such worries and let it out. I discreetly ignore.

@thisisbull

Went for a smear and as she inserted the speculum my eBay app made the ka-ching! Noise that meant I'd sold something but sounded like a til opening the dr just said 'well that's a bit inappropriate isn't it talk about timing' 😂😂😂😂

This had me howling. That's absolutely fantastic.

Was about a week away from my due date and went to see my mum. Started laughing over something and then I proceeded to fart like a trumpet, which seemed to escalate the more I laughed. I then wet myself in her armchair

OP I have no doubt it happens a lot and medical professionals don't bat an eyelid. I always think I'm going to fart when having a smear or coil change. Or mammogram. Basically anything medical makes me feel like I might trump. So far I haven't. However after having DD I was being stitched when I needed a wee. The bottom end of the bed had been removed so the midwife could get closer so she told me just to go. I did but it was my first wee for hours (don't know if it's just me but both times I've given birth, the first wee is enormous) and it went on, and on. All over the floor. It felt like gallons. She did tell me to go though

Sure many of us who gave birth pooed theirselves and mw just wipes away

A fart is nothing

I farted a silent fart as I left my doctors room once. I think that is actually worse . Hope that made you laugh!!!

I was working alone in my clinic room and had an hour before my first patient, so didn’t worry and let one rip. It was a particularly pungent one of course!
Seconds later there was a knock at the door. When I opened it my boss was stood there, so I stood in the doorway, trying to pull the door shut behind me. There had been an appointment mix up and patient had turned up unexpectedly and could I see them? Yep, fine. Unfortunately, she then asked to come into my clinic room to give me a quick handover about the patient (obviously necessary to maintain confidentiality). Dying slightly inside, I let her in and she shut the door behind her. Nothing was said, but honestly that’s the quickest handover she’s her given me in 3 years of working with her!

Last year I was in a shop with DH, there was nobody else in our aisle and I needed to trump so I let go. It was very loud. I then heard giggles from the next aisle and a girl say "Oh my god did you hear that fart? That was even louder than one of yours!" I was laughing so hard I farted again.

Hello ladies, I'm so clumsy and recently dropped a carton of double cream whilst carrying my shopping in (I live in a flat)
Cue it splashing absolutely everywhere!
I've scrubbed the carpets no problem and wiped down the walls straight away but it has still left a dark wet looking splash mark's all up the painted walls. I've scrubbed them several times with no luck.
Any ideas to get rid so I don't have to repaint?😭😭

@Bettyboopawoop

Had my baby went home. Next day I was waiting for midwife visit, needed the loo and you know when you have one of those shits where your neverending wiping your arse? And it doesn't seem to get clean! Well I was in the middle of one of those when the midwife knocked! Wiping my ass as fast as I could ready to have stitches checked,.............well I haven't cleaned it all and she made sure she told me too! She went eewwwweeeee

Oh God, this just reminded me. I went for a hysteroscopy. I was so nervous that on my way up to the ward I had to dash to the loo and poop. Very unlike me, I’d rather hold it all day and go when I get home rather than do a poo in a public toilet or at work.

Anyway all done & no wiping issue but the hysteroscopy involved a nurse inserting a rectal suppository.

From the noise she made I can only assume her gloved finger came out less than clean tbf she didn’t full on eewwwwwwww, just a quiet exclamation, then she hastily recovered and whipped her glove off but I knew after my toilet dash what had happened. The shame.

I'm so glad I'm not the only one who finds them funny. No matter if a rumble or a squeaker, I'm on the floor with tears down my face.

Went for a smear about 6mths post birth (cs).
Legs akimbo, speculum in etc
Nurse says “ you didn’t do your pelvic floor exercises did you!)

Erm, No!