What is supposed to be romantic, but just bloody isn’t?

[SmidgenofaPigeon]

A Semisonic song just came on the radio and brought me back to when I was 18, and the slightly-hippy lovely guy I was seeing at the time used to play this on his guitar and sing to me. The whole song, then another song after it. Sometimes another one after that. I’d sort of sit on the bed or hover in front of him while he played his little concert just for me and smile along, but I found it excruciating. If he didn’t want to kiss me he wanted to be singing to me. It was so boring and I never knew how I was supposed to be reacting.

I couldn’t hack it so we didn’t last, and my friend was horrified and said what a lovely romantic thing that was that he did and how awful I was for ending it 😂

Has anyone got any ‘romantic’ things to add that were just a bit boring/awkward?

All of the above. Can't stand any of it.

Back in the days when we had terrestrial telly and a TIVO type box, my husband used to randomly record things he thought I might like (now he just adds it to the Prime watchlist). He always brings me a pastry home from Sainsburys and if I'm stressed about something an unasked for cup of tea will often appear. That's the kind of romance I prefer

Being "taken away" for the weekend. Especially if the destination is unknown. Stressful, awkward and frankly slightly infantilising!

Fucking flowers.
Cunty naked sweaty cuddling.
Bollocks to bath sharing.
Love a nice cup of tea and the sound of the teacup settling gently into its saucer.

Another vote for oysters.

In fact Valentines day in general should be abolished. It starts at school... oh didn't you get a Valentine card, I got 4! Then work with the sinks full of flowers. To the packed restaurants (pre covid) with the eye-wateringly expensive menu which is the same as normal but with "witty" names whilst new couples either publicly propose or she gets loud and drunk at his failure to propose again and the older couples stare at food desperately trying to think of something to talk about other than the kids and singles feel a failure (though not) then the violinist comes out...

So many of the things you’ve all said! Yy to Paris, baths, songs etc. Flowers can be nice if you’re at home when you receive them - and you are of an age where you own vases - but not out and about.

“Nice” underwear. Always the wrong size or fit - it’s not something that can be bought as a gift!

Valentine’s Day

Chocolate body paint uggghh. My future SIL who had met me once only gave this to me as a Christmas gift when I had been dating future DH for 12 weeks. I thought it was weird and just felt embarrassed.

Those horse and carriage rides are meant to be romantic, but I totally ruined the one I was taken on in Morocco by being outraged at the lack of care for the horses. They stood around all day in the heat and one had an awful open sore. I couldn’t bear and refused to get in. My ex was running after me going ‘but you love horses!’ And i was shouting back that it was precisely BECAUSE I loved horses that I reacted in this way! If he’d made a donation to an animal charity that helped Moroccan equines then I’d have been all over him.

So a lot of it is probably just me weirdly I’ve now ended up with a DH who hates romantic cringe gestures as much as I do but is very thoughtful in various ways (apart from getting the hump when I ask him to turn his PlayStation down)

My friend's husband surprised her with a couples' trip to a sound bath?!

They just had to lie in a semi-dark room in dressing gowns while some local loon dinged bowls to make sounds.

I'd have slid off the bean bag with laughter. Then swiftly divorced him.

Broke up with my first boyfriend because he always wanted to walk along holding hands. Even when crossing a road, going in to a shop. Our legs would sort of start moving at the same time or something make me feel really out of sink / too in sink?!
Couldn't stand it.

Baby talk.

It makes me want to throat punch the person.

Nothing is more awkward than looking in to the eyes of someone who is playing a guitar and singing to you. I get the same feeling from looking a dog in the eyes when it’s doing a poo.

I laughed so hard at this.

They just had to lie in a semi-dark room in dressing gowns while some local loon dinged bowls to make sounds.
Can't stop laughing at this

Surprise trips away.

I mean I need to know what to pack. I can't just sling a dress, heels and a lipstick into a bag like in the movies. I need things like Spanx pants, underwired strapless bras, different shoes depending on weather, different coats depending on weather, my hair straighteners, shampoo, conditioner, detangling spray, volumising spray, hair wax, face wash, scrub, moisturiser, makeup setting spray... it takes a lot of work to look this naturally effortless!

“Nice” underwear. Always the wrong size or fit - it’s not something that can be bought as a gift!

Yes!
I worked in Debenhams Lingerie Department years ago.
Every Christmas, there would be men milling about looking for a present for the wife/girlfriend.
Every single one would buy the red, lace, frilly, push up bra with matching thong.

Every Boxing Day there would be a queue of women returning the red bra and thong

I agree with every single one of these. I used to put up with them as a teen/young woman and wonder why I was cringing my arse up to my elbow. Now I just allow the cringe to happen and tell DH to stop.

I had a boyfriend who went on holiday and came back with a 5 ft stuffed toy that he won for me. He flew back from Spain with it on his lap . I kept that thing in the corner of my bedroom till we split up (luckily not too much longer!) where it used to stare at me.

I couldn't really give a shiny shite about all of the supposed "romantic" stuff.

Sexy red/black silky nightwear? Ooh no. I'll have my comfy pyjamas thank you.

Being "whisked away somewhere romantic" - a risky manoeuvre. I was "whisked"...to Doncaster. Nothing against Doncaster but staying at a Best Western in the height of wedding season wasn't at all romantic.

I totally agree with the unexpected cuppa, filling up my hot water bottle before bed etc etc. Little thoughtful things are way more romantic than the contrived things.

I agree with so many of these - and the ones I haven't experienced, I rely upon MN wisdom that they are truly as ghastly as I'd thought.

I feel so cheerful about myself as I'd felt a little guilty that my loathing of this stuff said something bad about my ability to collaborate in a romantic setting and appreciate the effort while contemplating the complete disregard for my known preferences

@Temp023

Meh.. Van Halen, Van Morrison.. virtually interchangeable Foodisascience

It would be interesting to hear Van Haley's version

I find shared baths or showers very unromantic. Not relaxing whatsoever.

Ffs! Halens version

@SmidgenofaPigeon

Those horse and carriage rides are meant to be romantic, but I totally ruined the one I was taken on in Morocco by being outraged at the lack of care for the horses. They stood around all day in the heat and one had an awful open sore. I couldn’t bear and refused to get in. My ex was running after me going ‘but you love horses!’ And i was shouting back that it was precisely BECAUSE I loved horses that I reacted in this way! If he’d made a donation to an animal charity that helped Moroccan equines then I’d have been all over him.

So a lot of it is probably just me weirdly I’ve now ended up with a DH who hates romantic cringe gestures as much as I do but is very thoughtful in various ways (apart from getting the hump when I ask him to turn his PlayStation down)

Agree with this plus anything that involves exploiting animals, doves at weddings etc Was invited to a wedding when the couple had decided it would be lovely to decorate the tables with live fish in tiny bowls in Cyprus! Declined and had to rethink friendship

Chocolate body paint, also, why chocolate flavour? It just looks like you’ve smeared each other in shit.

Personalised gifts with photos on.

Watching the sun rise/set, you just sit there absolutely freezing.

@InTheNightWeWillWish

One of my first boyfriends took me to watch the sunset... around a fishing lodge, there was an old fisherman coughing up a lung, all the benches were knackered, dog shit everywhere and a view of the main road with the bus stop and pub which had a couple of blokes stood outside smoking and drinking their pints.

Agree on sharing a bath. Also add sex in the shower.

Crying with laughter in Tesco car park reading this!

There are common themes here:

• Gestures that are more about the doer’s ego than the recipient
• Infantilising the recipient by making decisions for them or doing things to them instead of with them
• Forcing intimacy where there isn’t enough trust

They’re all about performance and control, not trust, respect or actually thinking about what you’d appreciate.