What is supposed to be romantic, but just bloody isn’t?

[SmidgenofaPigeon]

A Semisonic song just came on the radio and brought me back to when I was 18, and the slightly-hippy lovely guy I was seeing at the time used to play this on his guitar and sing to me. The whole song, then another song after it. Sometimes another one after that. I’d sort of sit on the bed or hover in front of him while he played his little concert just for me and smile along, but I found it excruciating. If he didn’t want to kiss me he wanted to be singing to me. It was so boring and I never knew how I was supposed to be reacting.

I couldn’t hack it so we didn’t last, and my friend was horrified and said what a lovely romantic thing that was that he did and how awful I was for ending it 😂

Has anyone got any ‘romantic’ things to add that were just a bit boring/awkward?

@salsmum

Christening every room in a new home... like love amongst the packing boxes is a real turn on 🤣🤣🤣

I mean, that just sounds like a cat marking its territory. The partner is just being used to facilitate that, like a fleshlight. Grim.

Sit on a knee. It's not fucking Santa's Grotto is it

@EvelynSalt

Extensive eye contact during sex, particularly missionary. In the films it looks romantic and passionate. In reality I end up trying to make banal conversation ("all good? What's up?" being common) because I feel weird just staring quietly at each other. Awkward!

Haha!

Cuddling in bed, all very well for a few minutes, but then I start fidgeting and need space.

Rose petals on bed. Just, no

I do wonder where and more particularly when you have have all been in Paris. If you stick to the tourist traps then of course it's going to have downsides.

Though at least Parisien.ne.s aren't as rude as Londoners.

Riding a horse through the waves on the beach. Did that once: bloody awful. It was an organised trip on holiday in Jamaica. The horse was pissed off and couldn’t be arsed. I’d worn shorts (idiot) so my thighs were chaffed to buggery, and the guy leading the group kept smacking my horse on the backside to make it trot. Every time it did, it would splash up waves of horse poo that the other horses had been busy depositing, so I was chaffed, sweaty and dripping with wet poo by the end. Never, ever again.

@StrangeLookingParasite

I do wonder where and more particularly when you have have all been in Paris. If you stick to the tourist traps then of course it's going to have downsides.

Though at least Parisien.ne.s aren't as rude as Londoners.

Wtf? Parisians are rude as fuck.

Feeling "sad" about this thread is like feeling sad that other people don't like the same food as you.

Each to their own, hey?

It's GREAT if you love all the romantic gestures, and even better if you have a partner who also does, and you enjoy it together - but there is no need at all for you to feel sad because there are other people out there who feel differently! It's no judgement on you, and you shouldn't judge others either.

1. Yes- bath/shower sex. Hugely uncomfortable and highly overrated. You end up being stabbed by the taps, water ends up lukewarm and it’s slippery to the point you’re constantly trying not to fall over/ slip over

1. Men in films often propose by putting the ring in the woman’s food on a romantic meal out. This always seems SO dangerous to me- imagine if she choked and died!!

1. Oysters. Like eating snot out of a handbag

1. Sex on the beach - yes- great! Sand in your bits feels soooo divine and comfortable. NOT!

1. 69 position. Good grief who thought this up? Nothing like having to work at the same time you’re meant to be focusing on your own pleasure. Horrible.

1. Poems, songs etc it’s very hard to get these right without sounding:

Like a stalker Like a creep Like a soppy emo teenager

Wtf? Parisians are rude as fuck.

Not in my experience. In fact, you nearly always get what you give. The people who've had the worst experiences are generally those who go in shouting in English, then wonder why they don't get a good response back.

And yes, Londoners are much, much ruder.

LookItsMeAgain I am loving this...however, I read it as playing the lute and not a flute.

I'm not sure which would have been worse or better under those circumstances.

I think lute wins!!

A lot of romantic gestures seem to lose their 'appeal' without the benefit of a hormone-induced 'haze'.

Wtf? Parisians are rude as fuck

I've heard that throughout my life, along with 'The French are so arrogant' and 'They pretend they can't hear or understand you because they hate you'.

When I eventually went there, I didn't experience that at all. From the moment I got off at Gare du Nord until the time I emerged back in London, I only encountered pleasant, polite and friendly people - even the hawkers fucked right off as soon as I said 'Non'. One crap driver, yes, and one woman who politely corrected my spoken French (which it needed to be - it's appalling!) before going on to be perfectly pleasant after my offences against the language had been addressed - but not a single unpleasantry.

Maybe I was just extremely fortunate or there was some sort of magic spell cast around me, but I just didn't experience any of that. Got called a fat fucking ugly cunt on the way out of the train station when we got back, though, as I didn't get out of the way of the English man who was presumably rushing for a train home from work as he attempted to barge through me. But that's men England for you, I guess.

@Misshapencha0s

You know when you see it on tv and the man orders for the woman - fuck that!! Really???

Also hubby jizzing on your face - no just no.

Who on earth would think a man jizzing on your face was romantic?! For him, hot maybe...but I doubt romance was ever the intention behind it!

Fantastic! Funniest thread ever! Loving it. And yes to:
Bath
Being sung to
Poetry
Massage
@Sparklyboots and @ShirleyPhallus you win joint top prize.

@NeverDropYourMoonCup that made me laugh so much

@SquatBetty

Your DH to be asking your parents (or even worse - just your Dad) for their permission/ blessing to allow him to ask you to marry him. That's not romantic - that's the patriarchy in action.

Yes!!!!

Valentine’s Day - contrived bollocks. Nothing less romantic than a restaurant full of couples trying to be romantic.

I agree that some Parisian waiters/restaurateurs are quite snobbish when it comes to English people trying to speak French - but it must be fucking irritating when they hear their language mangled by the English tongues so often! Never had a problem with anyone outside of a restaurant though, and have had great service and friendliness from other restaurateurs when I've spoken French to them (my accent isn't too bad, my vocabulary is pretty shit though).

However, I've had exactly the same problem of snobbishness in Venice! One upmarket Italian restaurant waiter detected hints of Englishness and just gave us the English menu, and refused to listen if we tried to speak in Italian - rolled his eyes and pointed out the English bit. Rude!

Probably just a personal thing rather than an entire city thing though.

@BrilliantBetty

Broke up with my first boyfriend because he always wanted to walk along holding hands. Even when crossing a road, going in to a shop. Our legs would sort of start moving at the same time or something make me feel really out of sink / too in sink?! Couldn't stand it.

Oh me too. Was his name Steve? I’d had enough of feeling glued to him all the time we were together. Too too much!!!

I totally get Paris, but it drives me to distraction that people seem to think you will get off the Eurostar, and there will be people cycling past with Breton stripy t-shirts, berets and baguettes tucked under their arm, and cosy little bistros directly opposite the Gare du Nord, serving inexpensive haute cuisine.

@RestlessMillennial

Public marriage proposals. Coercive and narcissistic!

Absolutely!!

Double yes...

Red roses. The ugliest flower. Plus lots of thorns.