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Original poster

Fil reluctant to serve niether myself nor dh nice champagne?

999 replies

KnittedJimmychoos · 24/04/2021 22:07

Fudged details in case the eye of sauron gets hold...

But Mil and fil had been entertaining their friends, say Peter and Jane... Dh and I came in after their meal... And fil opened a really nice bottle of champagne.. Dh and I sat down chatting and fil served his friend but not me?
I made eyes at dh so he got a glass and went to serve me a glass, dh was driving and also doesn't like it.. Fil suddenly looked panicked and asked who was driving, and as dh poured he tried to make sure it was a half glass even though dh said he was ie empty excuse ? Meanwhile he then took the bottle and topped up his fiend chatting happily!
Dh then took bottle to fill me up and again fil seemed panicky!!
I did say I only fancied one glass.. And he sort of sucked in his breath and looked at me like a five year old and said "this is a really good bottle".

For context there is no way on earth my df would ever serve one person like this and not another!
Maybe he got out this bottle and hadn't reckoned on us coming back but isn't this the height of rudeness?? The mother of his only grandchildren??

Pils live in house worth a few million, not London, are very well off.. Have a wine cupboard.. They also treat dh like this.. On other stuff... Ie this wasn't a treasured special bottle saved for anniversary they can't replace..
I'm not keen anyway but I felt this was so unpleasant! Your not good enough for me to give nice champagne too!
Can't say the make because its fudged details.

Or.. Is it understandable to only want to serve this to his pal who it was intended for? I often feel like we are treated like second class citizens!!

OP posts:
An0n0n0n · 24/04/2021 23:02

PIL unreasonable to deliberately exclude his son/family but not sister. Really mean

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 24/04/2021 23:02

The mother of his only grandchildren

I think this summed it up.

Instead of letting his parents have their wishes followed he decided to gatecrash anyway.

Given indoor socialising in private households isn’t allowed currently in the uk it seems strange to get hung up on a drink rather than the law being followed.

Oneeyeopen · 24/04/2021 23:03

I can't imagine ever wishing my dc hadn't turned up.
And as for inviting one dc and not the other, that's weird.
Sorry op, you have strange inlaws.
And judging from some of these posts they're not the only ones!

Lollypop701 · 24/04/2021 23:03

Yanbu.. seriously it’s family and it’s a glass of champagne. People begrudge a glass of whatever to someone... not even someone their dil. Not ok op. But your dh knows he is a second class citizen and you are obviously too uncouth to appreciate a decent glass of champagne 😂 I’m not sure you expected a different reaction, as pil will have made their views obvious befythis, so why are you surprised?

Womencanlift · 24/04/2021 23:04

Wow you are a CF OP. All this ‘making eyes’ at the champagne. Even in a less formal house than your in laws sound that would be classed as rude

I can imagine the atmosphere changed as soon as you both appeared making eyes at drinks that had been bought especially to be shared between the friends

Surely you have some self awareness to know just because your family work one way that is not the same in every family. And if it’s your in laws surely you know by now what they are like

Original poster
KnittedJimmychoos · 24/04/2021 23:04

They have friends over all the time and we never get invited, it's just on this occasion we happened to know sil and dh were invited... And it was this family friend..

It was only by chance we had been there earlier when all discussed.. Other wise we have very little inclusion in their social plans.

OP posts:
TatianaBis · 24/04/2021 23:05

@daisypond

Was your DP really hurt? These are his parents’ friends, not his friends. Is he angling for a job or something? Perhaps he was going to make eyes at him too.
Old friends of your parents are your friends too. It’s not like DH has never met them. They all lived overseas together.

I always like to see old friends of the family and they tend to like to see their friends’ kids too.

Original poster
KnittedJimmychoos · 24/04/2021 23:05

Woman, this is what I'm learning 😂😂.. The hard way!

OP posts:
BeenAsFarAsMercyAndGrand · 24/04/2021 23:06

@UhtredRagnarson

OP you must get your revenge. Invite friends of your PILs over. Make sure and mention to PIL that Jill and Bob are coming on X date at Y time. Talk about the lovely meal and drinks you’re having. Very obviously dont invite PIL and if they turn up you must clutch all the drinks very tightly and look panicked. Whisper loudly to your husband to “hide the good brandy”
They won't turn up. Because normal people don't do that.

If I happen to hear that a friend or family member is planning to have dinner with someone I know and I'm not invited to join, I wish them a pleasant evening and forget about it. Sometimes people want to socialise in a larger group, sometimes they don't. Doesn't bother me.

Particularly with Covid, at the moment some hard decisions have to be taken re: invites due to the rule of 6.

Angrypregnantlady · 24/04/2021 23:07

I can't imagine turning up at my parents house uninvited. Or them turning up at mine uninvited. Especially when there were guests. And I certainly wouldn't expect drinks or food providing.
I don't have a right to my parents house just because they made me, and they don't have a right to mine.

Can you imagine if this was the other way round and OP had DHs friends round and PILs decided they'd like to see his friends too so just turned up, walked in and served themselves?

BeenAsFarAsMercyAndGrand · 24/04/2021 23:07

Old friends of your parents are your friends too. It’s not like DH has never met them. They all lived overseas together.

If he knows them well enough he can make arrangements separately.

TatianaBis · 24/04/2021 23:07

@KnittedJimmychoos

They have friends over all the time and we never get invited, it's just on this occasion we happened to know sil and dh were invited... And it was this family friend..

It was only by chance we had been there earlier when all discussed.. Other wise we have very little inclusion in their social plans.

Even more rude that the plans were discussed when you were there and you still weren’t invited.
Original poster
KnittedJimmychoos · 24/04/2021 23:08

It's open area, part covered, conservatory that opens out with those awning structure, no rules broken at all.

OP posts:
Viviennemary · 24/04/2021 23:08

You were rather cheeky and rude just dropping in when they had guests. I expect the eye rolling was because you have form for doing this.

lottiegarbanzo · 24/04/2021 23:09

I think you love meaningless double-negatives, one-upmanship and point-scoring. You were not invited, you cheeky, graceless pair.

MintMatchmaker · 24/04/2021 23:09

Maybe you weren’t invited because you don’t exhibit good manners! I wouldn’t dream of turning up at my parent’s house when I knew they were entertaining, sit myself down and then expect a drink! So rude.

Your FIL may not have handled it well but your sense of entitlement is shocking. I don’t think you see that from reading your posts.

TatianaBis · 24/04/2021 23:10

@BeenAsFarAsMercyAndGrand

Old friends of your parents are your friends too. It’s not like DH has never met them. They all lived overseas together.

If he knows them well enough he can make arrangements separately.

It’s clear from the OP’s posts that if DH didn’t see then then he wasn’t likely to see them for a long time. Perhaps they live in a different part of the country.

It make sense then to see them while they were in the area.

Original poster
KnittedJimmychoos · 24/04/2021 23:10

Tatiana yes dh was very hurt.
He wouldn't normally bother and has no desire to gate crash.. He literally just wanted to see this friend.
I was more interested in the drinks though and whether people would have expected their fil to serve them the same level as their friends and I think it's unanimous on here that actually, I was bu.

OP posts:
Lovinglavidaloca · 24/04/2021 23:11

This thread is honestly mental!

There’s two separate issues here I feel:

  1. Were PILS BU not to invite OP to ‘party’? I don’t know. It’s strange for sure but really up to them.
  1. Was FIL BU not to offer champagne to OP? Maybe yes because it is just manners but the fact that OP was there uninvited and unwanted does change things I think and we can assume if OP had actually been invited she’d have been offered a drink or whatever everyone else was having. Surely not offering a drink was a way of making it obvious they didn’t want you to stay long? Maybe the fact it was champagne is a red herring.

PS if this happened the other way round and OP posted to say AIBU for not offering my PILS a drink when they turned up after I more or less asked them not to ... I think we’d probably agree she wasn’t being!

NeverDropYourMoonCup · 24/04/2021 23:11

@UhtredRagnarson

He didn’t invite them to stay

That’s exactly what he did when he let them through the door.

They're not vampires, Uhtred.
Sausageroll67 · 24/04/2021 23:12

“Mother of his only grandchildren”

He probably sees you as an entitled pain in the arse and I don’t blame him for his actions 😂😂😂

Original poster
KnittedJimmychoos · 24/04/2021 23:12

Vivien no!! We don't feel welcome or comfortable there so no! This hasn't happened before..

Mint, you see in my family it's the total opposite.. Everyone is offered food and drinks and my dp are equal and fair hosts Grin and esp dh! He's treated like a king!

OP posts:
Pebbledashery · 24/04/2021 23:13

I think you're missing the point as stated several times by different posters.
You were unreasonable for turning up when you hadn't been invited then expecting him to serve you as if you're his guest..
You probably made it hugely awkward by turning up.

lottiegarbanzo · 24/04/2021 23:13

Honestly, you sound like something from Jeremy Kyle. But we're faaamily!

WakeEatSleepRepeat · 24/04/2021 23:14

@HepLaurenceLB

Maybe he had spiked the bottle with poison and was trying to kill his friend. If that was the case then your FIL saved your life which was very sweet.
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣