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Original poster

Fil reluctant to serve niether myself nor dh nice champagne?

999 replies

KnittedJimmychoos · 24/04/2021 22:07

Fudged details in case the eye of sauron gets hold...

But Mil and fil had been entertaining their friends, say Peter and Jane... Dh and I came in after their meal... And fil opened a really nice bottle of champagne.. Dh and I sat down chatting and fil served his friend but not me?
I made eyes at dh so he got a glass and went to serve me a glass, dh was driving and also doesn't like it.. Fil suddenly looked panicked and asked who was driving, and as dh poured he tried to make sure it was a half glass even though dh said he was ie empty excuse ? Meanwhile he then took the bottle and topped up his fiend chatting happily!
Dh then took bottle to fill me up and again fil seemed panicky!!
I did say I only fancied one glass.. And he sort of sucked in his breath and looked at me like a five year old and said "this is a really good bottle".

For context there is no way on earth my df would ever serve one person like this and not another!
Maybe he got out this bottle and hadn't reckoned on us coming back but isn't this the height of rudeness?? The mother of his only grandchildren??

Pils live in house worth a few million, not London, are very well off.. Have a wine cupboard.. They also treat dh like this.. On other stuff... Ie this wasn't a treasured special bottle saved for anniversary they can't replace..
I'm not keen anyway but I felt this was so unpleasant! Your not good enough for me to give nice champagne too!
Can't say the make because its fudged details.

Or.. Is it understandable to only want to serve this to his pal who it was intended for? I often feel like we are treated like second class citizens!!

OP posts:
GeorgiaGirl52 · 24/04/2021 22:53

@Bluntness100

If he really wanted ro see the family friend he should have set up something to see them, you know, made his own arrangements like an adult

How old are you both? I’m guessing really young?

This^
BakedTattie · 24/04/2021 22:53

Op how long did you stay?

BillyIsMyBunny · 24/04/2021 22:54

Find it weird that your DP was so desperate to see the family friend that he would turn up to something you were explicitly not invited to but doesn’t know the person well enough to actually just arrange to see him another time.

Does your SIL have a partner and, if so, does he stuck to the family’s house rules? I can kind of see why your PILs might not want to invite you to social gatherings if you insist on doing everything the way your parents would do it rather than accepting that your PILs house rules/ family customs etc are different and acting accordingly. If you know they’re not the type who think it’s okay for guests to help themselves to things then it’s very very rude to turn up to their house uninvited and then help yourself to whatever you want without asking, regardless of what you would do at your parents house. Not all families have the same dynamic and it’s unreasonable not to respect the wants of the hosts when visiting other homes, particularly if you weren’t even invited in the first place.

BeenAsFarAsMercyAndGrand · 24/04/2021 22:54

@LaurieFairyCake

They don't like you or your husband Confused - why didn't they invite you both over when dh wanted to see old family friend ?

I think they treat you both appallingly

So the PILs are never allowed to socialise without inviting their children? That's ludicrous, they are perfectly entitled to want to socialise with friends on their own.

If the (adult) DH wanted to see the family friend, surely he could make his own arrangements?

TatianaBis · 24/04/2021 22:54

To be clear we didn't burst in, sit down and say "we want the finest champagne known to humanity and want them now..."

😂

‘Bring me some booze!‘

luxxlisbon · 24/04/2021 22:55

You weren’t offered drinks because you weren’t being asked to stay, why is that so hard to understand? You turned up unannounced while they were in the middle of hosting dinner and they wanted rid of you.

tuttifuckinfruity · 24/04/2021 22:55

@BeenAsFarAsMercyAndGrand

It sounds a lot like your PILs had planned an evening drinking with friends, and you walked in and demanded a glass. If so, YABVU
This would be my take on it.

Making eyes at your husband so he goes and gets you a glass.....not keen on that.

I think you should have taken the hint and left them with their friends.

UhtredRagnarson · 24/04/2021 22:55

@BeenAsFarAsMercyAndGrand

Wouldn’t you just not let them in the front door? “Hi Jane, what a surprise. We actually have visitors with us this evening, can I give you a ring tomorrow?”

The DH and OP probably said "we know Peter and Jane are here tonight, but we wanted to just say hello while they're in the area. We won't be long, just enough to say hi."

Then they walked in and expected drinks.

No they walked in, and then drinks were brought out. If drinks weren’t for all, they shouldn’t have been offered to anyone while the unwanted party were present. We are taught this as children- if you haven’t got enough/don’t want to share then you don’t bring your sweets out to play, you have them later.
thinkingaboutLangCleg · 24/04/2021 22:55

Why did they invite their daughter and her husband, but not their son and his wife who were equally eager to catch up with old friends Peter and Jane? Very rude, and they can’t claim they’re too poor to invite both their children!

I have noticed that rich people are often mean - I have some inlaws like that.

Wine to OP and DH — that’s a glass of champagne.

Angrypregnantlady · 24/04/2021 22:56

So you weren't invited. But because your husband couldn't bear to be left out of one thing you turned up anyway. Then you served yourself their expensive drink without even asking? Yeah I think that's insanely rude. I would never just turn up at my mums knowing she had her friend over and pour myself or my husband an expensive/special drink.

You've made proper fools of yourselves and have just come across spoilt and greedy.

TatianaBis · 24/04/2021 22:56

So the PILs are never allowed to socialise without inviting their children? That's ludicrous, they are perfectly entitled to want to socialise with friends on their own.

It’s not never is it in this case, it’s one particular instance when old friend were visiting from overseas.

tuttifuckinfruity · 24/04/2021 22:56

@KnittedJimmychoos

I didn't demand a glass... Fil happily served friend and I caught dh eye and "made eyes" to the bottle as no moves had been made to get me or indeed dh a drink...
Yeah, you were rude.

You shouldn't have gone.

Original poster
KnittedJimmychoos · 24/04/2021 22:56

Tatiana*

Yes that was exactly it, he knew he wouldn't see them again for very, very long time and there was no reason for initial exclusion... He was very hurt..

I don't know to me this fancy champagne sums up how I feel they think about us though, and why it upsets me.

OP posts:
LizzieMacQueen · 24/04/2021 22:57

You were rude, that must be plain to see now. It's not relevant what happens in your own parent's house. It's manners to wait to be asked.

Re Covid; is it allowed to visit indoors? It's not in Scotland.

enjoysun · 24/04/2021 22:58

Is this a reverse?

Pebbledashery · 24/04/2021 22:58

@KnittedJimmychoos

Tatiana*

Yes that was exactly it, he knew he wouldn't see them again for very, very long time and there was no reason for initial exclusion... He was very hurt..

I don't know to me this fancy champagne sums up how I feel they think about us though, and why it upsets me.

But do you not think the mother of only grandchild comment is quite cringe and entitled?
BillyIsMyBunny · 24/04/2021 22:58

Also from your post it sounds like you were inside their house rather than their garden and intruding on a gathering to which there were already 6 adults attending. The rule of 6 is in force so by turning up uninvited you brought the numbers up to at least 8 (assuming you didn’t bring your kids) and were breaking the current government guidelines so even more reason for your PILs to not feel like welcoming you with open arms and their best champagne.

SofiaMichelle · 24/04/2021 22:58

Surely this is a reverse!?

No one could be such a CF in real life, then ask if they're BU and then still not accept it when told ' Yes!'.

Grin
BeenAsFarAsMercyAndGrand · 24/04/2021 22:59

@KnittedJimmychoos

To be clear we didn't burst in, sit down and say "we want the finest champagne known to humanity and want them now..."

Merely went in... Hellos... Fil happened to open the drink and poured glass..
Chatting but no glass of anything for us... At all.. I don't think at that point pils minded us being there... It was just very clear the special expensive champagne was not for us.

Of course it wasn't for you. They hadn't invited you, hadn't expected you to turn up, and weren't expecting you to stay.
UhtredRagnarson · 24/04/2021 23:00

OP you must get your revenge. Invite friends of your PILs over. Make sure and mention to PIL that Jill and Bob are coming on X date at Y time. Talk about the lovely meal and drinks you’re having. Very obviously dont invite PIL and if they turn up you must clutch all the drinks very tightly and look panicked. Whisper loudly to your husband to “hide the good brandy”

UhtredRagnarson · 24/04/2021 23:01

Meant to add a Grin for all the people who will take my post seriously.

Firsttimegreyhoundmum · 24/04/2021 23:01

It does sound like you would get along much better if you respect how they do things in their family, rather than trying to bend everyone to how you do things.

I think if you are bringing up their grandchildren to see how they do things as wrong or strange, your mother of grandchildren status is probably alienating you further.

I get it, it's tricky when the family you marry into is seemingly standoffish and cold, but meeting in the middle works better in the long run (if you want to have a relationship).

CounsellorTroi · 24/04/2021 23:01

OP are you absolutely sure the champagne was your FILs and that Peter and Jane hadn't brought it?

daisypond · 24/04/2021 23:01

Was your DP really hurt? These are his parents’ friends, not his friends. Is he angling for a job or something? Perhaps he was going to make eyes at him too.

TatianaBis · 24/04/2021 23:02

Yes that was exactly it, he knew he wouldn't see them again for very, very long time and there was no reason for initial exclusion... He was very hurt.

I don't know to me this fancy champagne sums up how I feel they think about us though, and why it upsets me.

I’m not surprised he was hurt. If I were him I would have a word with his parents about treating him so rudely.

It’s very clear they don’t think you worthy of their best champagne!

What’s the history of how they treat DH vs SIL? Has she always been the golden child?