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Original poster

Fil reluctant to serve niether myself nor dh nice champagne?

999 replies

KnittedJimmychoos · 24/04/2021 22:07

Fudged details in case the eye of sauron gets hold...

But Mil and fil had been entertaining their friends, say Peter and Jane... Dh and I came in after their meal... And fil opened a really nice bottle of champagne.. Dh and I sat down chatting and fil served his friend but not me?
I made eyes at dh so he got a glass and went to serve me a glass, dh was driving and also doesn't like it.. Fil suddenly looked panicked and asked who was driving, and as dh poured he tried to make sure it was a half glass even though dh said he was ie empty excuse ? Meanwhile he then took the bottle and topped up his fiend chatting happily!
Dh then took bottle to fill me up and again fil seemed panicky!!
I did say I only fancied one glass.. And he sort of sucked in his breath and looked at me like a five year old and said "this is a really good bottle".

For context there is no way on earth my df would ever serve one person like this and not another!
Maybe he got out this bottle and hadn't reckoned on us coming back but isn't this the height of rudeness?? The mother of his only grandchildren??

Pils live in house worth a few million, not London, are very well off.. Have a wine cupboard.. They also treat dh like this.. On other stuff... Ie this wasn't a treasured special bottle saved for anniversary they can't replace..
I'm not keen anyway but I felt this was so unpleasant! Your not good enough for me to give nice champagne too!
Can't say the make because its fudged details.

Or.. Is it understandable to only want to serve this to his pal who it was intended for? I often feel like we are treated like second class citizens!!

OP posts:
lboogy · 25/04/2021 14:24

Your FIL rude. I'm not English so maybe I can't understand why gate crashing is an issue. In my culture family turn up all the time during gatherings and we always make room for one more. This selfish English culture is baffling to me. It's only champagne. It's going to get pissed or shitted out, why make such a big deal of it ?

Mamette · 25/04/2021 14:28

@MiddleParking

It absolutely is okay to order a vodka and coke with your dinner. You can disagree with the OP without pulling stuff out your arse Hmm
I assume that’s to me @MiddleParking ?

If you’re the type to order a vodka and coke with dinner I’m not going to bother arguing with you 😂

Original poster
KnittedJimmychoos · 25/04/2021 14:28

I do concede that I am chatty they are not really and I do chat and talk (shoot me how)

OP posts:
applesandpears33 · 25/04/2021 14:28

Is your DH the younger sibling? You mentioned in an earlier post about his parents still viewing him as a child. I wonder if due to this they don't view him and by extension you as meriting an adult drink? It also sounds as though they may have kept this special drink until after the BIL and SIL had left. Despite this my parents would not have hesitated to share the bottle though and would have viewed it as bad manners to not do so.

BadMotherLover · 25/04/2021 14:29

OP hasn't done anything wrong. FIL was being a total arse. And this Mumsnet thread has now gone full bitch. You schoolgirls need to grow up and leave OP in peace with her half glass of verve cliquot and battered fanny.

LadyMonicaBaddingham · 25/04/2021 14:31

@XiCi

like OP (who has a neck like a jockeys bollox 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
I LOVE THIS 😂
Dishwashersaurous · 25/04/2021 14:32

If you genuinely just popped into say hello then you wouldn’t want or expect to stay for a drink.

You were not invited

Papergains · 25/04/2021 14:35

Let me guess - they didn’t catch it from breaking “the rules” hmm

So you concede you're chatty even when others are quieter, probably not adapting at all to give quieter folk a turn, you turn up where you know you're unwelcome without caring why not and get offended when you're not treated like an invited guest (very controlling) and you respond with tit for tat unpleasantness/ zero empathy to a poster who has been bereaved.

I can totally see why they didn't invite you.

MiddleParking · 25/04/2021 14:37

@Papergains

Let me guess - they didn’t catch it from breaking “the rules” hmm

So you concede you're chatty even when others are quieter, probably not adapting at all to give quieter folk a turn, you turn up where you know you're unwelcome without caring why not and get offended when you're not treated like an invited guest (very controlling) and you respond with tit for tat unpleasantness/ zero empathy to a poster who has been bereaved.

I can totally see why they didn't invite you.

Er, it was me who wrote that not the OP Hmm maybe try reading before digging in?
Papergains · 25/04/2021 14:40

You're really in a great position to be saying that from, parking. Maybe try a little empathy.

Papergains · 25/04/2021 14:41

Also parking, please don't suggest people are somehow unlikely to get Covid from breaking guidelines. I'm not sure how else you think it spreads but this is grossly unhelpful and inaccurate.

MiddleParking · 25/04/2021 14:43

@Papergains

You're really in a great position to be saying that from, parking. Maybe try a little empathy.
Well yeah, I am because I’ve not laid into the wrong person for anything. The OP’s posts are in green and no one else’s are, it’s not exactly the enigma code.
MiddleParking · 25/04/2021 14:44

@Papergains

Also parking, please don't suggest people are somehow unlikely to get Covid from breaking guidelines. I'm not sure how else you think it spreads but this is grossly unhelpful and inaccurate.
You’re not sure how else a virus might spread? Dear me.
NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 25/04/2021 14:45

Just to say a vodka and coke with dinner is not ok. Ever. Confused

EdinaMonsoon · 25/04/2021 14:47

I think that your DH needs to have an honest conversation with his parents & explain how he feels. I understand feeling left out of family events but he needs to tackle the why rather than belligerently gate crashing evenings that he is not invited to. Quite possibly your PILs were embarrassed by your just turning up?

As for your behaviour OP, I think you’re downright rude to give your DH signals to pour you a glass of champagne when it’s clear that FIL didn’t intend to include you. Obviously I don’t know you IRL but your description of your behaviour is so vivid that it’s easy to imagine. And I’m afraid that if you did that in front of me I would politely (& very pass-agg) ask if there was a problem. Of course, FIL is possibly being rude to not offer but perhaps he’s had enough of your entitled behaviour? My FIL could also be somewhat controlling when pouring wine (he always had expensive wine & it was only intended for during the meal...not relaxing with a glass afterwards) but it was his wine, his home, his rules. Also, a bottle of champagne only has a good 4/5 flutes worth. If they only had 1 bottle to share with their friends then they would only have 2 glasses each which seems reasonable enough reason for not sharing.

Papergains · 25/04/2021 14:47

Person to person transmission isn't rocket science. Breaking guidelines creates more points of contact. This should really be on your radar by now.

Zero empathy and zero cop on.

MiddleParking · 25/04/2021 14:48

I’ve no cop on because you misread something and made an arse of yourself Grin

purplecorkheart · 25/04/2021 14:49

Do you chat talk about things that are of general interest or do you steer the conversation to what u are interested? Do you force your opinion on people and refuse to see that other opinions are valid (like you have done repeatedly in this thread).
Do you use vulgar language or profanities?

FortunesFave · 25/04/2021 14:53

@NoIDontWatchLoveIsland

Just to say a vodka and coke with dinner is not ok. Ever. Confused
Of course it is, if that's what someone wants. Confused What a crock.
flatsurfandmil · 25/04/2021 14:53

Lol this thread is mad! But tbh you're both rude, you and your DH for showing up uninvited (this is not rude where I'm from, but very rude to some in this country as I've learned from mumsnet!) and pils for not being generous hosts.

If you think your parents are much more wonderful than pil then go hang out with them more! Why go where you are not wanted?

Summersun2020 · 25/04/2021 14:56

Sorry, but...
The people in this thread just clamouring to prove how much more classy and refined they are then the OP
“What? They drank champagne AFTER dinner, don’t they know it should be drank before??” swoons
Fuck off GrinGrinGrin

Iwantcauliflowercheese · 25/04/2021 14:57

Your DH sounds very weak. When you found out earlier in the day that Peter would be there, why didn't he say he wanted to catch up with him and what would be the best time to call in? Why didn't he ask his DF if you could have a drink and why hasn't he spoken to him today to say that he's embarrassed you?

Tiredmum100 · 25/04/2021 14:58

If you were my dil, even if I didn't like you I would have offered you what ever we were drinking, that is basic manners in my opinion. Like you op I come from a family where my parents would never treat me or dh differently. And if my sister had been invited for the meal, so would I. I find is bizzare parents treat siblings so differently, buy perhaps I'm just lucky. I wouldn't dream of treating my dc and differently.

Dishwashersaurous · 25/04/2021 15:00

Champagne after dinner would normally be a celebration toast. So even more rude to gate crash

Moondust001 · 25/04/2021 15:04

@lboogy

Your FIL rude. I'm not English so maybe I can't understand why gate crashing is an issue. In my culture family turn up all the time during gatherings and we always make room for one more. This selfish English culture is baffling to me. It's only champagne. It's going to get pissed or shitted out, why make such a big deal of it ?
That may be what happens in your culture. It is not always common in English culture, and in many families it is considered rude to not tell people in advance that you are going to visit. It is considered "especially* rude to turn up when you have been told specifically that you are not invited - the OP knew that they were not invited and therefore was extremely rude. And whilst I am not a keen Covid rule break watcher, the OP knew that by turning up they would be putting their PIL at risk of being in breach of the law - and that is totally unacceptable.

What your culture, or, indeed anyone else, might do, is completely irrelevant. You do not invite yourself to a place when it has been made clear that you are not invited. Perhaps your culture is happy to have people dropping in and out all the time. Perhaps where you live doesn't have laws in place that limit social interactions. But I am damned sure that if somebody did something that you didn't like, that offended, or was illegal, then your culture would have something to say. Unless you are a doormat.