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Original poster

Fil reluctant to serve niether myself nor dh nice champagne?

999 replies

KnittedJimmychoos · 24/04/2021 22:07

Fudged details in case the eye of sauron gets hold...

But Mil and fil had been entertaining their friends, say Peter and Jane... Dh and I came in after their meal... And fil opened a really nice bottle of champagne.. Dh and I sat down chatting and fil served his friend but not me?
I made eyes at dh so he got a glass and went to serve me a glass, dh was driving and also doesn't like it.. Fil suddenly looked panicked and asked who was driving, and as dh poured he tried to make sure it was a half glass even though dh said he was ie empty excuse ? Meanwhile he then took the bottle and topped up his fiend chatting happily!
Dh then took bottle to fill me up and again fil seemed panicky!!
I did say I only fancied one glass.. And he sort of sucked in his breath and looked at me like a five year old and said "this is a really good bottle".

For context there is no way on earth my df would ever serve one person like this and not another!
Maybe he got out this bottle and hadn't reckoned on us coming back but isn't this the height of rudeness?? The mother of his only grandchildren??

Pils live in house worth a few million, not London, are very well off.. Have a wine cupboard.. They also treat dh like this.. On other stuff... Ie this wasn't a treasured special bottle saved for anniversary they can't replace..
I'm not keen anyway but I felt this was so unpleasant! Your not good enough for me to give nice champagne too!
Can't say the make because its fudged details.

Or.. Is it understandable to only want to serve this to his pal who it was intended for? I often feel like we are treated like second class citizens!!

OP posts:
category12 · 25/04/2021 13:42

My parents aren’t alive anymore but I would never have felt I was ‘gatecrashing’ if I dropped in to see them . They would have always been delighted and me and my partner would have been welcomed and looked after.

But presumably if you knew perfectly well you weren't welcome one evening for whatever reason, you wouldn't just rock up anyway?

BluebellsGreenbells · 25/04/2021 13:43

the only situation I would feel uncomfortable with my own dc turning up to see people they have grown up with pretty much would be if I really didn't like them or they had serous substance issues

Utter rubbish

What if Aunt Hilda arranged to see you because she wanted to discuss her cancer treatment, or similar? She wouldn’t want your kids there would she?

Same with inviting your girlfriends round and Paul from next door decided to pop in and join you for a few drinks because he was at school with Suzy and has t seen her for a decade?

Just because people are family doesn’t mean we should welcome them regardless!

Notonthestairs · 25/04/2021 13:44

I understand that your husband felt excluded- he was excluded. There may or may not be good reasons for that - it's worth tackling that with his parents.

But you don't turn up where you are not welcome and then complain.

SparrowNest · 25/04/2021 13:46

Don’t understand why everyone is laying into the OP so much, yes they turned up when it was made clear they weren’t welcome - but the very fact they weren’t made welcome, when SIL and BIL were and the guests were old family friends, is extremely unpleasant.

Could it be that they didn’t want children around, OP? I’m struggling to understand the justification for you guys being excluded, and I really don’t understand why so many other posters are just accepting it as fine. I know you are worried about outing yourselves, but is there any more info you could give about the history of your poor relationship?

SparrowNest · 25/04/2021 13:48

@BluebellsGreenbells

the only situation I would feel uncomfortable with my own dc turning up to see people they have grown up with pretty much would be if I really didn't like them or they had serous substance issues

Utter rubbish

What if Aunt Hilda arranged to see you because she wanted to discuss her cancer treatment, or similar? She wouldn’t want your kids there would she?

Same with inviting your girlfriends round and Paul from next door decided to pop in and join you for a few drinks because he was at school with Suzy and has t seen her for a decade?

Just because people are family doesn’t mean we should welcome them regardless!

This is true, but the fact SIL and her husband were invited is surely the relevant detail. It wasn’t just no offspring.
SofiaMichelle · 25/04/2021 13:48

@GlassBoxSpectacular

Oh gosh re covid, we are not pils bubble but sil and dh are.

I’ll readily admit that I don’t fully understand the ‘bubble’ rules, but why would your SIL and her husband be bubbled with your PILs? I thought at least one party had to either live alone, be a single parent, or have a baby? Confused

They do. OP's parents in law and the SIL and BIL cannot possibly be 'in a bubble' for social purposes.

OP is making up the rules as she goes along with the excuses

Grin
Toilenstripes · 25/04/2021 13:48

I think your Pil don’t like you not least because you are socially unaware and incredibly rude.

purplecorkheart · 25/04/2021 13:49

I am going to be harsh here but it sounds like your parent in laws don't like you and your dh is suffering in the fall out. You seem to lack the ability to pick up on social cues. You were not offered the champagne for whatever reason. You should not have put your dh in the postion where he had to been seen as disrespecting his father's choice in his fathers house.
You don't appear to respect other people's boundaries. You and your dh were not invited (I think we cam guess why). It does not matter that your dh really wanted to see them, you were not invited.
You are constantly comparing them to your parents but what they do or not do is of no relevance to your pil.You appear to lack of basically knowledge of etiquette and knoweldge social cues.

Dishwashersaurous · 25/04/2021 13:52

But you were gate crashing.

Irrespective of the rights and wrongs and the backstory they didn’t want you there and purposefully didn’t invite you.

But you turned up anyway and then proceeded to demand expensive champagne.

They didn’t want you there. Therefore you shouldn’t have turned up

CokeDrinker · 25/04/2021 13:53

OP why are you not answering any questions people ask?

Ethelfromnumber73 · 25/04/2021 13:54

@Sooobooored

They made it clear they didn’t want you to go but you went anyway.
This. And you sound chippy about being 'the mother of their only grandchildren' and how much cash they have.
Triffiddealer · 25/04/2021 13:58

@category12

My parents aren’t alive anymore but I would never have felt I was ‘gatecrashing’ if I dropped in to see them . They would have always been delighted and me and my partner would have been welcomed and looked after.

But presumably if you knew perfectly well you weren't welcome one evening for whatever reason, you wouldn't just rock up anyway?

Yes - fair enough. I can’t really imagine the situation (where one of my siblings was invited but I wasn’t) but in this situation I would probably have said ‘oh I’d love to catch up with Peter and Jane - is it OK if I pop round later after dinner for half an hour, just to say hi?’

But it sounds like a clash of family cultures to me and OP and her DH probably need to take a big step back. It sounds like she wants to be treated like a ‘daughter’ and they don’t think of her that way.

blacksax · 25/04/2021 13:59

@BadMotherLover

Will you Covid Police get over yourselves. Everyone was breaking lock down rules. Get over it. Move on. FFS!
If your best friend had died of Covid then perhaps you wouldn't get over it quite so quickly either. FFS.
BadMotherLover · 25/04/2021 14:06

They did, it was very sad. And I am sorry for your loss. Obsessing about 'broken' lockdown rules at someone else's 'gatecrashed' dinner party isn't going to bring anyone back from the dead. Now get over yourself.

MintMatchmaker · 25/04/2021 14:11

I’m wondering if SIL is invited simply because she has better manners?

It is very apparent that even though many people have told you that your behaviour was rude and unreasonable you just don’t want to hear it and you patently don’t believe it.

TillyTopper · 25/04/2021 14:12

I think he was a bit rude. But you are also a bit rude for just dropping in on them. Perhaps he wanted to share a great bottle of champagne with his friends and you unexpectedly came along too. I'd definitely ask before dropping in on anyone.

Dishwashersaurous · 25/04/2021 14:13

If anyone turned up at someone else’s door after they had explicitly been told not to come then that person is in the wrong!

Papergains · 25/04/2021 14:15

The OP comes across as...a lot. I can imagine her cheerfully dominating a room and understand wanting to have a quiet evening with an old friend without that.

Mamette · 25/04/2021 14:16

Your PILs don’t want you or your DH around and all you’re worried about is whether you get a full-enough glass of champagne? Drink problem alert.

What is all this “I want to drink what I want when I want” business? That’s not actually how it works. You don’t order a vodka and coke at dinner- maybe it’s possible but it is not ok. Just because you are in a situation where alcohol is involved that does not mean you can have anything you want from a full bar. Or do it but expect to be judged negatively for it.

Your PILs think you need to be “managed”. How embarrassing for you.

Original poster
KnittedJimmychoos · 25/04/2021 14:18

He does run things on a tight leash and I'm realising now, just how tight.

OP posts:
MiddleParking · 25/04/2021 14:20

If your best friend had died of Covid then perhaps you wouldn't get over it quite so quickly either. FFS.

Let me guess - they didn’t catch it from breaking “the rules” Hmm

MiddleParking · 25/04/2021 14:21

It absolutely is okay to order a vodka and coke with your dinner. You can disagree with the OP without pulling stuff out your arse Hmm

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe · 25/04/2021 14:21

@KnittedJimmychoos

Ok, on the flip side then, it was only by chance dh found out these people coming, he's never usually included at all, we've never been invited when friends even family friends they have known all dh life over, but sil seems to be? When actual blood family is there, they almost order dh to go?

Is that polite? Isn't dh allowed to feel upset that they were hosting people who knew him as a child and with this unique shared experience? Is that polite?

Nothing you post is making sense to me. Why, if your husband is SO keen to see these family friends, does he not make the effort to do just that. Contact them independently and arrange to see them?

You really are tone deaf but I suspect this is all part of the 'gag' and you're craving and enjoying having an audience here. Very weird. Confused

Papergains · 25/04/2021 14:21

In fact I think it's fils desire to control me that's the problem here. He tries to control dh, sil is on the same page so doesn't need controlling and its coming out through drinks.

To be fair, you knew that drinks were a strange trigger point for him for some weird reason and you made your poor DH go and make a stand on that hill on an evening when you hadn't been offered hospitality to begin with.

In context, given what you know about this person, that was goady and unfair to your partner. Especially as you don't even like champagne.

Maybe they don't invite you because you feel inclined to poke hornets nests?

feistymumma · 25/04/2021 14:23

@BeenAsFarAsMercyAndGrand

We didn't stay long... He only wanted to say hi and chat for a little...

Right. If you literally just popped by to say hi, there was no need for anyone to offer your drinks.

I'm pretty sure this can't be genuine, but if it is you are rude, entitled and greedy. And your DH is just as bad for taking it upon himself to dish out his parents' champagne.

I completely agree. If the OP was so desperate for the expensive champagne perhaps asking FIL if she could have a drink would have been more appropriate than making eyes at her DH - it isn't his house nor his drink. YABU and the mother of his grandchildren comment is downright bonkers