Fil reluctant to serve niether myself nor dh nice champagne?

[KnittedJimmychoos]

Fudged details in case the eye of sauron gets hold...

But Mil and fil had been entertaining their friends, say Peter and Jane... Dh and I came in after their meal... And fil opened a really nice bottle of champagne.. Dh and I sat down chatting and fil served his friend but not me?
I made eyes at dh so he got a glass and went to serve me a glass, dh was driving and also doesn't like it.. Fil suddenly looked panicked and asked who was driving, and as dh poured he tried to make sure it was a half glass even though dh said he was ie empty excuse ? Meanwhile he then took the bottle and topped up his fiend chatting happily!
Dh then took bottle to fill me up and again fil seemed panicky!!
I did say I only fancied one glass.. And he sort of sucked in his breath and looked at me like a five year old and said "this is a really good bottle".

For context there is no way on earth my df would ever serve one person like this and not another!
Maybe he got out this bottle and hadn't reckoned on us coming back but isn't this the height of rudeness?? The mother of his only grandchildren??

Pils live in house worth a few million, not London, are very well off.. Have a wine cupboard.. They also treat dh like this.. On other stuff... Ie this wasn't a treasured special bottle saved for anniversary they can't replace..
I'm not keen anyway but I felt this was so unpleasant! Your not good enough for me to give nice champagne too!
Can't say the make because its fudged details.

Or.. Is it understandable to only want to serve this to his pal who it was intended for? I often feel like we are treated like second class citizens!!

OP you sound like a selfish,self-centred,spoilt nightmare.

I have a suspicion why you weren’t invited in the first place!But you turned up anyway!

You need to take a look at yourself,because from the way I see it,you are the problem full stop.

There’s always two sides to every story. We only get on this forum. There could be a million reasons why OPs parents in law don’t warm to her and their son. But we wouldn’t get to know about that.

John henshaw for fil, he's more tough northern business man type.

Lakie I agree, my df always insists in buying, the HUGE difference is, he will ask what someone wants, then buy it. He won't either not ask and get everyone the same thing ie cheap champagne, or just get what he chooses.
In fact it would be cheaper and more cost effective for him to buy a whole bottle wouldn't it, than have Mil with her one glass and him with one glass, if he forces us all to have one glass that's cheaper for them and mils desire.

I am cringing so much reading this thread. How the OP cannot realise how crass her behaviour was is beyond me. If I turned up at someone's house and they were sitting around a dinner table with a nice bottle of wine/champagne on the table the last thing I would think of doing is angling for a glass. Even if offered I would probably turn it down as it is obviously for the guests, rather than me who was not invited. You'd be like, "nah, we're not stopping, we just popped in to say hi". That said I wouldn't have "popped" round in the first place.

Taking charge of drinks when out when he's not been asked to do so,i wouldn't do it in his own home.
But you did, you took charge of the champagne by making eyes at DH, and whatever else you did to get the glass topped up when you deemed half a glass not enough.

(Though FWIW I don’t think there’s anything weird in wanting two fizzy waters, particularly when you’re paying – I often order a drink and a soft drink on my own round – and your FIL was definitely rude to both take over the round and refuse you your choice in doing so.

And I understand your family’s dynamic; my parents would absolutely have offered champagne [and about 8,000 other bottles of various sticky liqueurs from holidays past] and made all welcome, and been delighted albeit surprised at the drop-in. But you weren’t at your family’s or mine, you were at PIL’s where you knew what to expect, and that they have a formal air.)

Late to the party but...
your PIL made it clear you & dH were not welcome (tho SIL was: rude)
But your dH wanted to see these special old family friends too so you pitched up.
Perhaps the fancy champers was brought by the friends so your FIL was assiduously topping up their glasses?
Or he was just being rude (to his son, chiefly by leaving him out, you too)

It was made clear that you weren't invited - but you turned up anyway. And then muscled in on the champagne they were serving to their guests.
Has it crossed your mind that you might be the reason your husband was not invited in the first place?

I can’t still only picture OP as Snooki circa 2010...

Op

• what time did you arrive?
• did you bring a bottle/gift with you?
• who was looking after your kids?

Ok, on the flip side then, it was only by chance dh found out these people coming, he's never usually included at all, we've never been invited when friends even family friends they have known all dh life over, but sil seems to be?
When actual blood family is there, they almost order dh to go?

Is that polite? Isn't dh allowed to feel upset that they were hosting people who knew him as a child and with this unique shared experience? Is that polite?

I'd be more upset you weren't invited in the first place, but FIL had invited other son and SIL? Only justifiable reason would be if you would have to had to take the kids and FIL wanted a more relaxed adult only meal.

Is FIL usually dismissive and excluding to you and DH?

"I'd be more upset you weren't invited in the first place, but FIL had invited other son and SIL? Only justifiable reason would be if you would have to had to take the kids and FIL wanted a more relaxed adult only meal."

Would the rule of 6 not be a "justifiable reason".

The OP sounds like a social bull in a China shop. That's a justifiable reason for not wanting to invite her along to dinner with old friends.

Yabu.

You dropped in uninvited. The bottle probably would have been enough without you. Instead they faced the annoying issue you never want - you don't want to open a 2nd decent bottle of champagne that may not get finished, it's a terrific waste as it won't keep well til the following day.

we've never been invited when friends even family friends they have known all dh life over, but sil seems to be?

Does SIL invite them? Does your DH invite them? Does the relatives invite you?

My parents friends are their friends, my aunts and uncles meet with my mother - I meet cousins, sometime I see GM sisters and brothers, it’s their relationship not mine.

I see my sister and niece, but wouldn’t invite niece on her own because she has her cousins and friends.

You’re being very weird

@KnittedJimmychoos

Ok, on the flip side then, it was only by chance dh found out these people coming, he's never usually included at all, we've never been invited when friends even family friends they have known all dh life over, but sil seems to be? When actual blood family is there, they almost order dh to go?

Is that polite? Isn't dh allowed to feel upset that they were hosting people who knew him as a child and with this unique shared experience? Is that polite?

It's fine for them to make hints for him to go when he wasn't invited. Maybe you are an embarrassment to them or maybe they were wrapping up the evening and you turning up was going to make it drag on a bit.

If your DH was that upset about not seeing them he should have hosted them himself.

I just can’t fathom turning up like that. Or thinking of taking your own drink in the future.

Father in law just sounds like a certain type of man. (You just go along with it. It’s only a few hours occasionally.) If he is hosting out and about He will order a drink which suits the occasion or the course. What situation did you order a vodka and coke in?
I can’t understand why you would have two sparkling waters. Order and drink one and order another. Or order a larger bottle to refill your glass. Sitting there with 2 glasses

You need to stop comparing them to your family and expecting them to behave in the same way. They aren’t going to. If your DH hasn’t got the relationship with them that he wants he needs to start saying no, stop going over when they expect it. They aren’t going to change now.

@Hopeisnotastrategy

My cast member suggestions:

FIL - Peter Bowles in a smoking jacket
MIL - Joanna Lumley or Alison Steadman
Peter - Peter Beale or Larry Lamb
Jane - Penelope Wilton or Jane Asher
OP's DH - Nicholas Lyndhurst
OP - Is a tough one

OP: Vicky Pollard

People who have lived abroad can be quite snooty - they have perhaps become accustomed to a 'colonial' type of life. Smart waiters in restaurants pandering, staff who know their place, cleaner, gardener, housekeeper, chef even, so consider themselves rich, a bit posh, sophisticated and a bit above the ordinary folks back home.
Unfortunately they also have a golden boy son, and a spare. Imv you can't change any of this, you can't reeducate them, you can't convince them they are unpleasant snobs or being cruel to their son.
So I'd bow out of their lives. Just keep your fingers crossed you get a bit when they pass on as they might find a way to justify it all going to golden boy, but again you can't fix this.

YABU. They didn't want you there. Can't imagine why.

You invited yourselves against their wishes and their guzzled their expensive booze (also against their wishes). I'd have served you the booze all right, and added a week's worth of laxatives.

Look there may well be discrepancies in how they treat their son and daughter. Not nice and not fair.

But turning up to a dinner/drinks you weren't invited to isn't going to fix that and almost certainly would antagonise things.

YOU WERENT INVITED.

YOU TURNED UP Anyway.

And demanded expensive champagne.

And yet you still think that you have done nothing wrong. How are you not embarrassed about your behaviour?

You seem completely oblivious to what people are saying about your rudeness the way you write it comes across what you think should happen you not once addressed your behaviour. I'm guessing your very hardwork and that your inlaws don't particularly like you and tolerate when needed to but are likely get on with their dd husband which is why they are happy to social with them and there friends..they can't excately invite their son without you. I imagine your presence completely altered the dynamics of the group.

I might have missed this post however What was the reason why you and dh didn't/don't get invited to family/friend's event's.

If you’re not going to admit any fault it’s hard to accept that you aren’t just generally pigheaded.

If you accept some fault, people will be more understanding about your other FIL issues.

At the moment you just sound as bad, if not the catalyst.