Fil reluctant to serve niether myself nor dh nice champagne?

[KnittedJimmychoos]

Fudged details in case the eye of sauron gets hold...

But Mil and fil had been entertaining their friends, say Peter and Jane... Dh and I came in after their meal... And fil opened a really nice bottle of champagne.. Dh and I sat down chatting and fil served his friend but not me?
I made eyes at dh so he got a glass and went to serve me a glass, dh was driving and also doesn't like it.. Fil suddenly looked panicked and asked who was driving, and as dh poured he tried to make sure it was a half glass even though dh said he was ie empty excuse ? Meanwhile he then took the bottle and topped up his fiend chatting happily!
Dh then took bottle to fill me up and again fil seemed panicky!!
I did say I only fancied one glass.. And he sort of sucked in his breath and looked at me like a five year old and said "this is a really good bottle".

For context there is no way on earth my df would ever serve one person like this and not another!
Maybe he got out this bottle and hadn't reckoned on us coming back but isn't this the height of rudeness?? The mother of his only grandchildren??

Pils live in house worth a few million, not London, are very well off.. Have a wine cupboard.. They also treat dh like this.. On other stuff... Ie this wasn't a treasured special bottle saved for anniversary they can't replace..
I'm not keen anyway but I felt this was so unpleasant! Your not good enough for me to give nice champagne too!
Can't say the make because its fudged details.

Or.. Is it understandable to only want to serve this to his pal who it was intended for? I often feel like we are treated like second class citizens!!

Lakie so you can see then that fil has previous form for this and it's rude! Taking charge of drinks when out when he's not been asked to do so,i wouldn't do it in his own home.

This is the thread that keeps on giving.

The biblical back story needs to be revealed but overall your behaviour was terrible. Seems with all the drinks stand off situations you quite like confrontation.

Sorry OP but I think you must find it difficult to read a room if you think that it's ok to 'just drop in' and having done that, 'make eyes' at your husband towards the bottle the minute you'd spotted it. I can't imagine doing that anywhere even with family. If they'd wanted you to have it they would have offered. Demanding it is just such poor manners.

You obviously don't feel that you have enough gratitude being 'the mother of their only grandchildren'. Why would you have this attitude? It's really off.

I've read all your posts and I can't decide if you're just wanting a Sunday chat about made-up nothing into something, or actually serious about underlining a problem you perceive with your father in law?

I wouldn't drop in unannounced again though, it's obviously not what your father in law expects or appreciates and your husband also seems to not understand this.

@KnittedJimmychoos

I meant out and about re taking charge of drinks. If I go there again I'll take my own,with a bottle for them like formal friends.

To be honest, life under covid has been bliss not really seeing them, I'm in no rush to go again even with formal invite and neither is dh. It's too much hard work.

But when you take any booze to a party or dinner, it's polite to share it. Just helping yourself from your own stash is taking rude to a whole new level of crassness.

Perhaps you should slip a hip flask into your bag, although I'm not sure how you could swig from it without anyone noticing. And taking your handbag to the lav for a swift snifter would look like you thought someone might dip it while you were out of the room - that would get you some old-fashioned looks!

My FIL always offered to get the drinks and always insisted on paying. I didn’t find it rude. The drinks issue isn’t the real issue it’s the hinted at biblical backstory.

A couple of thoughts strike me.

Firstly, what was MIL doing/ what was her body language while all this was going on?

Secondly, what did you wear? If you were casual and they were all dressed up, that's not a good look, and if you were dressed up too that looks reaaly presumptuous. Really, when you think about it, the etiquette for gatecrashing somebody else's event is mind blowing...

What did your FIL get you instead of the drink you wanted when you were out? Could it have been a mistake? Or was it a sexist-type behaviour - eg, getting you half a shandy when you wanted a pint of ale?

@Hopeisnotastrategy I will be thinking about that all day now 🤣

@Hopeisnotastrategy op - Denise from the Royal Family (Sorry Op) 🤣

@CandyLeBonBon

I'm guessing the friend of fIl was someone useful/famous that the op's dh wanted to meet/pick brains/put a proposal to and couldn't do it directly as they don't have a direct relationship.

Of course I could be projecting wildly but this thread is fairly batshit bonkers already so I figured I'd add my twopenneth for good measure before it gets zapped!

Maybe FIL's friend was an expert in establishing discretionary trusts, and the dinner/lunch party was held to allow FIL, BIL and FIl's friend to discuss how to let OP's DH inherit in a way that would stop his lower-class lush of a wife piss it all up against a wall when the PILs shuffle off!

I think I may be getting carried away with my comedy drama now. Sorry.

@WingingItSince1973 😄

His behaviour was rude, but at the same time, I don't think your DH should have poured a glass for you if it hadn't been offered by your FIL as that's also a bit rude.

@LemonRoses

You popped in and expected to guzzle the bottle he was sharing with friends?

Guzzle the bottle 🤣🤣🤣

She expected to be given a drink as one would in polite company.

@KnittedJimmychoos. No matter whether you were expected or not, he should have asked if you would both like a glass. He's a rude twat.

You sound as though you have a bit of a chip on your shoulder OP. And all these perceived slights. Maybe they’re as you see them, maybe not. But fro your tone here, you clearly don’t like your in laws much. Maybe that’s mutual, or maybe they’ve picked up how you feel about them.

@Bluntness100

Sorry cross posted, you gate crashed when you were not invited then wanted them to supply you with drink!

Who fronts up like this? That’s so rude.

This This this and this

How rude to gatecrash when clearly not invited

Just because of the misplaced yet unshakeable self-confidence, I’ve been reading the OP’s posts in the voice of Catherine O’Hara as Moira Rose.

Yes- definite Moria Rose vibes here.

@KnittedJimmychoos

Lakie so you can see then that fil has previous form for this and it's rude! Taking charge of drinks when out when he's not been asked to do so,i wouldn't do it in his own home.

I think it's possibly what is considered polite among men of his generation and social class, tbh. And did you say they spent some years living abroad, or have I conflated 2 threads?

People who've spent a long time in ex-pat communities often have different ways of behaving in social situations ime. I've noticed this with friends' families - the ones who've spent long spells overseas often have standards and mores that seem dated compared to those of people who've always lived in the UK.

My late mother had a friend who found it shocking, on returning to the UK circa 1980, that young women went out without wearing stockings before Henley !

Hoping that OP updates what she got when she asked FIL to buy her a vodka and coke.

I have an inkling as to why the OP wasn't invited. To be clear, she not welcome at my place either.

No matter whether you were expected or not, he should have asked if you would both like a glass. He's a rude twat.

How is he rude? They were told they weren’t invited. Even if they popped in they should’ve noticed FIL entertaining a friend, said polite hellos and excused themselves, not muscled in on the drinks.

A quick sorry we aren’t staying is very different to plo king yours,Ed down with a glass of their champagne!

You said you just want to drink what you want to drink, yet no quarms about the champagne!

@Hopeisnotastrategy

A couple of thoughts strike me.

Firstly, what was MIL doing/ what was her body language while all this was going on?

Secondly, what did you wear? If you were casual and they were all dressed up, that's not a good look, and if you were dressed up too that looks reaaly presumptuous. Really, when you think about it, the etiquette for gatecrashing somebody else's event is mind blowing...

Gatecrashing is always rude. The only socially acceptable way to do it is to disguise it as a mistake, eg returning something you've borrowed or dropping off something they wanted to borrow, having "forgotten" that they were entertaining that evening.

And that doesn't guarantee you'll get let in, because the host is likely to know you're trying it on and make an excuse not to let you in.

They were horrified you both turned up and didn't want you to stay so didn't offer you a drink so you didn't settle in.
It's not complicated.

Is that you Mum?

I think there's much more to the story regarding drinks with him. The fact you clearly can't see how your behaviour was so inappropriate with the dinner party and think it would be exceptional to take drinks with you when you're invited there. I'm guessing you don't really see the full picture when you're out either.